Hey guys haven't been on here in a while.
I just can't deal with this anxiety anymore, they say it comes from your thoughts and as soon as I found that out l became scared of thinking or imagining anything negative incase it set off panic attacks/physical anxiety.
Basically took it 2 literally and now I can't reverse the damage I've done to myself psychologically 😢!
I tried medication and it only made the physical manifestations all the more weird.
Tried CBT but by that point I was scared of thinking anything even something positive because as soon as I think in my head it immediately starts off physical symptoms.
Basically now as soon as I think anything at all I have muscle spasms, pins and needles, nausea INSTANTLY, what kind of life is this to be scared to even think it's like I've developed a phobia of thoughts! Even when something perfectly normal flashes through my mind it's like wow that came to mind quick wasn't even thinking that in words or. Images that could have set off my anxiety/panic with me being unaware.
What upsets me the most is I know thinking in your head positive, negative even neutral cannot hurt me, or my brain, I've always known that, and yet it's ended up this way.
Initially I was scared of becoming agoraphobic so I was frightened of having panic attacks when I went outside, so frightened that it happened when I did go outside!
Now and for Months it's become like this instead, so every time I'm on my own thinking in my room I'm constant great discomfort!
I can literally think "what should I have for breakfast?" and bam a muscle in my body thumps among other things.
Basically I was so afraid of becoming afraid of things, things I knew I wasn't afraid of, that now I get this physical anxiety symptoms about anything and everything.
I'm so mixed up I don't even know at all what is in my head that's the real cause of these anxiety psychosomatic symptoms.
I'm OK when fully concentrating on something like playing a game or watching TV, but I can't always be doing something!!
This is hell, as soon as I even have 1 second to. Myself, and think anything it all starts again 😭😭!!
Nothings providing relief! I know the symptoms can't hurt me but I kept thinking well eventually I'll get over them and they will go away they aren't medical, but then I get stuck in the paradox of if I'm creating them how can I ignore them at the same time? And how can I stop my mind from doing these constant physical reactions when now every time I think it's automatic.
I've just begun group therapy in my community mental health team first session was last week and the therapists do seem to know what they are doing, but it's not gonna give me much relief as I am.
I just hate waking up, and as soon as I actively think something it all starts again, immediately I start having body wide muscle spams and terrible pain in my gut, how can I feel such fear of things I know I'm not afraid of and have no reason to be?! Please somebody connect the dots for me please?!
I'm sorry to go on but I needed to vent so bad right now, this is the most distressed I've been in a while 😢!
I just wish my brain would associate the fact these feelings and whatever they may be a reaction 2 are harmless and would stop doing it.
I feel powerless, weak and pathetic.
I try acceptance but that starts off another paradox of well. I'm still hoping acceptance will eventually rid me of it so if it doesn't work I'm stuffed, plus how do u accept feeling like absolute crap every single time a thought goes through your head?
Freaking out right now 
Exercise-induced panic attacks?
I cant handle weekends
Driving? Yea right :(
