Help! Im so worried. Im also new here
Hey i'm 16 and having a lot of trouble. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and we have had a lot of ups and downs and i've cried a lot from the fights we've had, but we've always gotten through it, lately I also havent been feeling 'myslef' its hard to describe but at times i feel as though im in a dream, sometimes I feel like i dont know anyone around me. 4 months ago I started taking Levlen Ed but after about 3 months my depression got a lot worse, at the beginning I was always so scared of my boyfriend cheating on me or leaving me and I was also scared that I was too dependant on him and too attached, this continued for about 3 weeks as well as the feeling of not being 'myself'. After that, the thoughts changed to, 'i cant look at him without crying, I don't love him, do i love him? he looks so hurt, i cant hurt him' and its making me cry all the time because i'm scared of leaving him at times then other times i can only think that i don't love him.
Growing up i had a lot of problems with my mum and that left me with having depression, I now live with my dad.
My doctor recommends putting me on anti-depressants but thats the one thing I do not want to do, so two days ago I stopped taking the pill and have to go back to my doctor in 3 weeks to see if i'm better and if not then he is putting me on anti-depressants.
What I'm asking is, am I still in love with my boyfriend and is it the anxiety and depression this last week that is making me feel like I don't? Or, am I actually not in love with him anymore?