Anxiety ruining me

[Kittykatxxxxx]

Hi all

My anxiety is crippling me . I've just got a new job and I'm panicking . I've had bad experiences in the past and I'm also worried my old manager may give me a bad reference despite me not putting a foot wrong . I'm also worried about the medical questionnaire .

I've got health anxiety and I've just been told I'm infertile and would need to have fertility drugs to conceive . This was terrible news for me even though I'm single.

I feel like I'm trying to hide from life . I'm 27 and I live at home my dad has severe anxiety etc . And it makes mine worse.

I've live in constant fear of disaster as things usually do wrong for me :(. I just feel like my life will never get better .

Thanks for listening .

[Agora1]

Hi Kittykatxxxxx, Most of us have had bad experiences along the way, hopefully we learn from them and become stronger and wiser. Remember we cannot control what someone else may say about us, we can only prove our worth once on the job.

I'm certain that living at home with your dad who has severe anxiety just exacerbates your own fears. Your life won't get better if you keep concentrating on things going wrong in your life. Leave the fear of disaster in the past and look forward to starting this new job with a confident feeling. Being positive about going into something new can be challenging in a good way for you.

Good Luck on the new job.

[Hidden]

Hello

I can tell from reading your post your anxiety is letting all the negatives it can come up with take over and this is exactly what it wants , it can keep a good grip on you that way !

When you talk about everything going wrong I do relate , but what I don't always do is see the bigger picture which is " This is life " and it does not always run smooth , if only it did and so many negative things happen in other people's life but when we look at others we always see the positives and when we look at ourselves we can only ever see the negatives but believe me life is not a smooth ride for anyone and I think sometimes the obstacles that get in our way are a learning kerb even though I often think I have had enough learning to last me a lifetime but there is always more we can learn and become stronger and wiser in doing so

So why would your boss write you a negative reference ?

You have said yourself you have never done anything wrong

He or she has criteria they have to follow and there is no way they can write anything negative about you unless they can 100% justify it , so why not turn that thought round to I wonder how positive this reference might be

I am sorry to here about your fertility problems , that must have come as a blow , but at the moment it does not have to be an issue , your anxiety wants it to be , but you are not in a stable relationship , you are not looking at having children yet but when the time comes that you are there are so many wonderful things they can do now to help couples conceive and on a positive note you know exactly what is wrong and would not have to waste time finding out but would be able to be referred to the right Consultant to help you , so try and not see this as an issue for now but something that when and if you will deal with it and remember that thousands of women have been in your position and become Mums so there is no reason if you decide that is what you want at some stage you will not join those statistics

I think living with someone else that has anxiety could be a negative and maybe this is rubbing side by side against your anxiety making things seem worse we do benefit from positive influences around us so much more

When you feel strong enough it could be something that you could maybe consider getting a little place of your own , maybe a little flat ?

I have always found been honest on a need to know basis is the best way to go , so be honest with your Boss ( they could respect you for that ) and be honest with your questionnaire , I think you will feel better in the long run for doing so and there are now laws in place that as long as you can do the job which I am sure you can they should not discriminate for anything that you are suffering from but maybe on a positive they could put things in place to help you

You are as good as anyone else despite having anxiety and it is ok to be you and anyone that does not see that well they may not be the right people to work for or be around so would be there loss

Let us know how you get on and you could do a couple of lists been totally honest with yourself, One what you really have to worry about today because it is happening at this moment in your life and Two, what you can leave to one side because it is not happening right now and may never happen in the future either , I bet you would not have much on your worry list for " Today " as your 100 mile an hour anxiety head is telling you

Take Care x

[Loveydovey0519]

Legally your old boss can only say so much negative about you. They cannot go into details of certain events. Just common things like attendance, attitude, teamwork, adaptability, would they rehire you. I know all this because I am in retail higher management and it's one thing we must be very careful about.