The depths of my despair

[smartguy360]

Last night was terrible for me I felt as if I lost almost all hope, it started because I foolishly asked who had left a mat outside on the porch for days even when it had been raining. My brother did after he cleaned the room but he lashed out at me asking if I couldn't pick it up. This may seem trivial but he often shouts and yells at me as if I am a child even though he's about 3 or 4 years younger than me. He treats me like garbage most days and the moment i start to reply he cuts off the conversation. My opinions don't seem to matter to him and what's worse he seems to think I am obligated to be nice to him even when he treats me like this (I recently bought a new car and he always wants to drive it but i have only lent it to him one time and don't plan to again until he changes). I am so sick and tired of putting up with his behavior, but I feel as if I have to because my mom is ill (with cancer) and doesn't like to see us arguing even though she knows that he is wrong. I am forced to bury my anger but I find that it is becoming harder an harder to do, i find it leaking out in unexpected ways. I was writing my feelings down like I always do as a way to cope and I found myself crying unexpectedly (I rarely cry). It took me a long while last night to get to sleep I was just tossing and turning and my heart was pounding. I had to surf the web for about 20 minutes to calm myself, I need to find the courage to stand up for myself in a way that doesn't upset my sick mother for my own sake I can no longer abide by this treatment.

[Agora1]

smartguy360, it is very difficult to stand up for yourself when it's a family member in your household. Your mother being ill makes it even harder for you. Burying your feelings isn't good either as it builds it starts to come out in physical symptoms. (or anger)

I am also going through this with my daughter who puts me down every moment she gets. I am yelled at, told what to do, it's as if our roles are reversed. That she is the mother and I am the child. (sound familiar?) I have found myself breaking down at times literally shaking with fear.

I've turned to a therapist who has told me to just leave the room when this happens. I use meditation and deep breathing and when really stressed turn to YouTube and listen to audio relaxation and imagery. It helps calm my mind and body at least for a while.

No one should have to be treated this way especially by family. I wish I knew the answer.

[smartguy360 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the response i have never been good at handling conflict situations because i usually just turned the other cheek. But now i feel as if i have run out of cheeks. I have tried meditation with limited sucess but what really helps me out is listening to music. Today i actually was able to stand up for myself when he criticized me in front of my mother and aunt for wearing bed slippers indoors( i know its trivial) but he seems to want to control every aspect of my life, he even has problems with what eat or how i eat foods. Anyways i told him point blank that i was fedup with his treatment of me but ge just stormed off. My best guess is we will spend another month not speaking because of his crap but i would rather do that than to handle things in a way that my lead to violence

[faith_over_fear]

I suppose it wouldn't be very helpful now to hear this but the situation will definitely change. In a few years things will change. Think about that and keep going. And you can make it a good change by being kind now.

But to cope now try to avoid getting into confrontations with your brother. Keep to yourself and be kind even if he isn't.

It is obvious who the bad guy is in this scenario. He needs an attitude change. Its amazing how considerate you are about your mother's health. He might be acting out because of the same. You are going about this the right way. So don't worry. Pray. And try to be calm and be loving as you are. Things will turn around for you. Realise you are being a blessing in your household now and don't worry.