Last night was terrible for me I felt as if I lost almost all hope, it started because I foolishly asked who had left a mat outside on the porch for days even when it had been raining. My brother did after he cleaned the room but he lashed out at me asking if I couldn't pick it up. This may seem trivial but he often shouts and yells at me as if I am a child even though he's about 3 or 4 years younger than me. He treats me like garbage most days and the moment i start to reply he cuts off the conversation. My opinions don't seem to matter to him and what's worse he seems to think I am obligated to be nice to him even when he treats me like this (I recently bought a new car and he always wants to drive it but i have only lent it to him one time and don't plan to again until he changes). I am so sick and tired of putting up with his behavior, but I feel as if I have to because my mom is ill (with cancer) and doesn't like to see us arguing even though she knows that he is wrong. I am forced to bury my anger but I find that it is becoming harder an harder to do, i find it leaking out in unexpected ways. I was writing my feelings down like I always do as a way to cope and I found myself crying unexpectedly (I rarely cry). It took me a long while last night to get to sleep I was just tossing and turning and my heart was pounding. I had to surf the web for about 20 minutes to calm myself, I need to find the courage to stand up for myself in a way that doesn't upset my sick mother for my own sake I can no longer abide by this treatment.