Basket case

[hopeless-basketcase]

I've been depressed since I was 6. I was recently diagnosed with manic-depressive bipolar disorder and my first attempt at my life I tried to hang myself at 10. I've never had a happy life I grew up in a broken home until they left eachother then it wasn't broken anymore, it was shattered and I was never the same again I fear. I've been very sick since 2014 and am feeling worse every day. And my will to live growes weaker with each day. I know this may have sounded whiny I just want to tell someone who dosent love me because my dad and girlfriend would be devastated if I even told them how close to the edge I am I used to stand on the roof of my apartment and walk on the edge secretly hoping I'd just loose my balance and plumit to the bricks below and stain them a darker read with the blood of my broken body just laying there motionless peces of my graymatter addind a darker shade of color it would almost look like a jackson polick painting, for you see death is the only certainly in this world so why wait? I just want to know if I'm alone, if anyone else understands my pain because because all my doctors just think I'm crazy. And and I don't like telling my family anymore it just seems to irratate them and I don't want to drive away the only people I have left

[Smartbob1]

You need to give your medication time to work. Try not to let your past define your future, I wish that my parents had split up much earlier. I feel that life would have been a whole lot more peaceful if they had split up when I was a child. Where is your Mum in all this, or is it just your Dad and Girlfriend. You will find understanding on here. xxxxxxxxxxxx

[FXP_OK in reply to Smartbob1]

"Try not to let your past define your future" - that is such good advice. You must try and tell them. It's not that it irritates them, it's that it concerns them. It's not that they don't care, it's that it probably scares them. You can definitely call on people here in the meantime though. You are not alone.

[hopeless-basketcase in reply to FXP_OK]

I already feel like I have a safe place to decuss this with people who actualy know what im talking about

[hopeless-basketcase in reply to Smartbob1]

My mom is a coldhearted bitch or to put it nicely my mother and i are long estraneged (i think i spelled that right i got some medical green for the pain today so i cant quite spell atm lol) i dont even think she would care about me even if was laying broken on the cold pavement

[Smartbob1 in reply to hopeless-basketcase]

You can pick your friends but not your family. If your Mum is so toxic you are better off without her. Try to find a few good friends. The glass is half full not half empty. xxxxxxx