13 yrs Marriage out the window due to my anxiety and depression ..

[WAGS56]

Broke with the wife in febuary 2016 due i think to my anxiety and depression . Gutted me still does .. cry most days thinking of what we had . my illness or illneses started in 2012 when i had a c5 c6 decompression due to crushing spinal cord and discs ,operation went without a hitch,My symptons however worsened after 4 months of pain and pain killers, i went back for am mri only to discover the operation was unsuccesful 3 weeks after i was back in for a posterior approach(back of the neck) where they removed my bone spurs from c5 c6 c7 .to allow my cord room.could not do anything about symptons i already have ,this was just to stop me being in a chair for life had 3 months of hell with the pains and discomfort i could not get upstairs so had to sleep on the sofa for the next 7 months or so wife in bed me on sofa,Not good to top that i had a hydrocele in my right testicle from the pressure of the last operation,could not operate for 12 months as i was on blood thinners after a heart attack,this thing grew and grew it was like a melon time i went in for an operation,Never had an inkling i was depressed or the fact what my condition would end up like,The wife started going out more with friends my mind was playing tricks so it was argument after argument about where she had been who with, we had an 11 yr old boy in the home which it was seriously affecting,one night when she went out my head popped sort of thing, my anxiety was at its worse i could not find her or speak to her so i packed my stuff and left, son asleep wife parked round corner so i left, she come home i was convinced she was having an affair,We had the usual early on marriage problems and these were at the forefront of my mind we had both been unfaithfull early on in the marriage,but this was 7 yrs or more ago ,i started to realise my illness has done this what with the meds the depression and anxiety i was a different person which in turn turned my wife into a different person ,,, tbc too upset to write x

[Hidden]

Hello

I am really sorry for all the health problems you have been going through such a lot to deal with , how are you now physically ?

As I read your post I notice you said you had both been unfaithful even though 7 years ago but one thing that came to mind is when two or one people are unfaithful we can forgive but the problem is we don't forget and when something happens it rears it's ugly head again and I think this is maybe what happened here but you have to stop punishing yourself because all you were going through physically and mentally there is no wonder you started getting paranoid

Are you still on speaking terms with her ? have you ever sat her down since and explained how you were feeling ?

It could be that you have to accept this relationship is over and I know it is very painful but you will get through it and come out the other side , we have to go through the emotions to do so and I hope you have support around you to help you with this , you have here to come and talk as well

Imagine you had a Double sided jigsaw puzzle , containing 5000 pieces , a picture on both sides when completed , you completed one side which was the life you had and then you dropped it and it all fell apart , now you need to slowly pick those pieces back up and re make that picture but this time it will be the other side of the puzzle when you have slowly completed it and stay positive making sure that it is a happy picture of your future , a different life to what you had but equally as happy

Sometimes things happen and they can be really tough and we don't know why but I always think they happen for a reason , we don't always see the reason straight away and sometimes we never do but it is always something positive we learn that will help us in the future and I am sure you will draw from this painful experience and put it into practice making you & your future stronger

Take Care x

[Mandy6513]

You have had a hell of a rough time and I hope you go to speak to your doctor about your depression. They can offer lots of support and with the right care life can get better than it is.