Anyone. Please take the time to read this. no where to turn to

Hey all Im not so new here I've asked questions in the past about my anxiety but I feel it's been all going down a steep slope since. Id appreciate you guys taking the time to read this. For the majority of my life I've always had add/ adhd/ anxiety, but never so crazy. Nothing like it is now. Going back almost 2 years ago I had a bad panic attack that landed me in the hospital because I thought I was literally having a heart attack. Arms going numb, cold, heart beating way out of control etc. At the time I had NO CLUE what was going on because I never felt it before. It's funny because at the time I was reading signs of a heart attack and I think my own mind tricked me into thinking I was. And to also add I don't have usual anxiety/ panic attacks ever. I feel like the first one did damage now I ended up here... dull, foggy and out of whack. Anyways following all of that it's such a blur, not even exaggerating. That's all I can describe the past 2 years is being a big BLUR, FOG. I went downhill from there. Constantly worrying day to day, feeling so strange. I went on fluoxetine after I started having these episodes of derealization and feeling desconneted. which was a horrible thing. It got rid of the DR but I was an emotional mess. My mind was so dull and I had no feeling whatsoever. I eventually got off the ssri and then started xanax. Ever since then I've been sh!tty. Literally everyday I get up and question wtf is wrong with me. Some oft the things I say to myself everyday are "Why do I feel like this", "my brain feels altered", "I feel like I'm dying", and WAYY more. I use to be so aware of everything around I feel before here couple years happend. My memory use to be amazing. And my memory has gone Down THE DRAIN. Thats the biggest part of all. I can't remember things from earlier in the day, yesterday, the day before blah blah blah. I know my friends name my parents, it's not like that. It's the small things. I'm losing track of the days like you guys would not believe. These years have gone by like weeks.... I explain and explain AND EXPLAIN to doctors but at the end of it I just know they have no clue what I'm talking about. The way I feel is just so hard to put into words. My brain has just changed. I feel weird all the time. "Fuzzy" ,"foggy" , "spaced out". I don't get the same excitement out of things like I used to. I can't multitasking like I use to. iI feel like I'm living in my head. I know that sounds weird but that's what it is. Everyday feels like that same and repetitive no matter what I do. I force myself all the time to get out and do things and when I do I have fun that's not the problem but I still have that FOGGY feeling. It never ever goes away. There's not one second I don't feel different. It's like a doctor took a peice out of my brain that controls all these things. As I'm writing this right now it's so hard. Everything is saying is scattered but I really want people to try and grasp everything saying. I want it all out there because I'm not the same "me" anymore and it's ruining my life. I really appreciate the people that took the time to read this and I really comprehend what I'm saying. I feel like I have something seriously wrong with me and it's getting worse. Sorry this is all out of whack I just never have anywhere to turn to. If im gonna leave you guys with a couple key points it's these, my memory is terrible, my brain is fuzzy, I'm always worrying, always thinking, I'm never living in the moment. I feel like I have to dig deep to retrieve memories. And memories feel like there barely there. I'm also 18 going on 19. Thanks guys

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18 Replies

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  • I did take the time and I'm still going to ask have you talked to a doctor recently and told them all this? I'm wondering if maybe some Xanax, maybe less, some other type of tranquilizer and then you work with a psychologist. I'm always amazed when a doc gives too much Xanax because I'm struggling to get more. You are definitely very young for all of this so I would ask you what do you think is your main problem?

  • I'm only on 1mg a night and have been on for little over a year. And honestly there isn't one main problem there's many but if I were to put some at the top it's definitely the memory, and Feeling my brain has changed

  • It's also weird because I won't remember what I said or did last week or last night but if someone told me I'd remember it. My memories are just not readily available if that makes sense. I'm a mess i know

  • And another thing, when I say memory I also mean very forgetful as well

  • 1 mg xanax every night? Im on .25 milligram as needed up to 3 a day. So still not up to 1mg total. I wish but maybe too much for you all at once and not enough throughout the day?

  • Never thought about it throughout the day. But would you think the xanax Is causing the memory loss? I'm just horrified by what's going on. It's like I have dementia..

  • It could be? you'd have to Google the side effects but that kind of sounds like one. Check it out.

  • Oh bad me. I should have said ask your doctor about the side effects.

  • Boxedin, everything you describe about yourself is the classic symptoms of nervous sensitisation caused by stress and worry. I agree you should see your doctor again about this and he may help by adjusting your meds but I don't think any of your symptoms are organic no matter how real they seem. Our nervous systems are geniuses when it comes to mimicking the symptoms of real organic illness.

    There is a way out that comes through understanding why you feel as you do. First you must stop fighting the symptoms and when you feel them coming just let every muscle in your body go limp, also imagine there is a muscle in your brain and let that go limp too. You can do this because you know the symptoms are frauds, they are not life threatening, they can't damage your body no matter how bad they make you feel becayse they are really just blips in your nervous system caused by fear and tiredness.

    So,stop fighting the symptoms, stop turning the initial fear into second fear and in so doing break the viscious circle of fear causing more anxiety causing more fear causing more anxiety. When you feel a bad feeling coming on let it rush past you even as a wave rushes past a rock and breaks but the rock endures. What I am saying is called Acceptance, by temporarily accepting the symptoms and learning to stop fearing them so much we rob them of their power to keep our nervous system in a state ofsensitisation and the de-sensitisation process begins. And you WILL recover, you aren't going to feel the way you do for ever if you start to practice Acceptance, the method devised by Doctor Calire Weekes and described in her book 'Self help with your nerves' or in the U.S. called 'Hope and help with your nerves' (you can buy a used copy on Amazon for just 1 penny/cent plus postage). You will immediately recognise yourself and your symptoms in its pages, it describes how to practice Acceptance and it will bring you immediate reassurance and an end to your bewilderment.

    All troubles pass and so will yours but you must help yourself and persevere with Acceptance and with time you will emerge from your present state and the sun will shine again as you make progress on your journey to recovery.

  • Geez thank you for the genuine response. Means a lot. Puts a lot at ease

  • Jeff, this is the best explanation I've ever read regarding anxiety. You should make a post out of it so more people see it. I think it makes people feel more secure when information comes from someone who has had the actual experience. That also happens to be the way I recovered from anxiety although on occasion if I let myself get stressed over something I will start to get anxious. I face it down right away because if I don't it will take hold. Pam

  • Honestly I think the medications you have been taking made you 10 times worse , yes you were feeling the sunlit if before the meds but I think the meds just made it 10 times worse. I think this is all stress and I think you should stop taking the meds. I know that it's hard but try to go to therapy and try you're best to distract yourself . Talk to a therapist about this. You're probably thinking you will never be normal again and you feel like giving up but I'm here to tell you that everything is okay . I also have your symptoms , I suffer from DR and my head always feeels foggy and I feel like I don't know where I am like I'm always confused and numb. Like I'm trapped or like I'm not even controlling my body it's the weirdest feeling. And the foggy feeling and blurry vision. This seems like it's all anxiety just breath each day pray to god that you will get better. If you need to cry then cry letting it out will feel good . But trust me you're not alone.

  • Thanks so much for that. Means a ton

  • Sorry, that's Doctor Claire Weekes not Calire!

  • Posting here and sharing how you feel takes guts and strength That same strength and focus will turn your life back to normal , clear, happy strong and full of verve .. YOU deserve to be happy, and living in the moment.. it will come

    Are you trying exercise that will help, get checked for vitamin D, cod liver oil suppliements are good for the brain. keep hydrated and avoid fizzy sodas / drinks. Keep strong and step by step your health will return

    Good luck

  • Thanks a ton and yes I'm trying some supplements but will def give those a try!

  • Everything you just wrote is what ive been going through for the past year.i thought i was the only one feeling this way.i cant remember anything,my thoughts are always racing,i feel so spaced out and just like you put it i feel like im living in my head.im 22 and have gereralized anxiety disorder,panic attacks,odc,bipolar disorder,and depression.i know im messed up,right?im also on klonopin as needed 5mg but usually break them up and take half of a half when having a panic attack.which they dont kick in untill like 2 or 3 hours later.which i think any kind of nerve pill is gonna mess with your memory.so maybe the xanax is making it worse for you,but i understand you need something to calm you down.anyways i just wanted to let you know,you are not alone.i feel the exact same way as you.kinda relieved that im not the only one feeling like this even though i wouldnt wish this on anyone.i really hope we can get over this one day and start living our lives again!best of luck!i hope this helped you!

  • Wow thank you so much for the reply and it puts A LOT at ease knowing that. Helped a ton. I hope all the best for you

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