I think benzos are my heroin....

[KeysToLife777]

I'm currently shaking like a leaf. I was on klonopin for over 20 years and I quit about a year ago. It took a lot of trying believe me. Since then I have had my "I can't take this anymore" moments. So a few visits back, my Doctor said that if I'm having a moment like that just take a Xanax. He gave me the lowest strength and said use only as needed and I should be ok. So......I did. I've done this a few times and weeks apart but now it seems like it's getting harder to stay away from them. It's like I'm going backwards slowly but surely. I don't know what to do anymore, the panic is horrifying. I'm 53 years old and I'm getting tortured. I say benzos are my heroin because I feel like I'll never get these things out of my life. Now don't get me wrong, I never took these for fun or recreation. I don't even smoke or drink. I have really bad panic and anxiety like I was born on Pluto or something and they accidentally dropped me off on earth while test flying their latest space ship. Like I just don't fit. I write here mostly cause it keeps my mind on something else. Hope you all understand.

[Satsuma]

I sure know what that is like after having a long term experience with an opiate .. I've been clean a year now and a few months and it is difficult . life is so different without them .. If you focus on something you are passionate about then this helps as it takes your mind off a lot of things

[KeysToLife777 in reply to Satsuma]

I remember what I felt like years ago when they first prescribed it. I have to admit that I needed something at the time because I was a literal mess. Anyway, it feels like way back then again. I mean such a low dose and taking one very far apart, you would think it's safe but I must be eternally hooked. I mean I am literally shaking right now. And everything seems so weird. Maybe tomorrow will be better. But that's the other thing, I can't sleep. I haven't been to bed yet. Ugh....thanks so much for replying Satsuma

[amandab1972]

I just want you to know that I truly understand how you are feeling and you are not alone with this. I feel like I'm from a different planet and I don't fit in with this world most days. I'm sending you lots of strength and reassurance that you are not alone and I truly understand what you are going through x

[Agora1]

Hi KeysToLife777, they say being on Benzos long term can be as addicting and harder to get off then Heroin. Once you revert to Xanax, nothing will ever relieve the anxiety as well. Taking it when needed is self defeating, because it escalates the need. The "I can't take this anymore" moments with get more frequent because your brain is requiring more to keep it calm. Or so you think. Actually the benzos are feeding into your anxiety. You'll ask yourself how that can be if it is used for anxiety? Once you are at this point, the only resort is getting off benzos completely.

I was at the point you are at 806 days ago (yes still counting). After 25 yrs of low dose Xanax and another 5 years on another benzo, I knew I had to do something. With the help of an addiction psychistrist as well as an addition support group, I took the most important step of my life. It was not easy by any means, but anything had to be better than the life I had on benzos. Weaning slowly (while being supervised) and never going back up on the dose took 2 years. Little did I know that waiting for me at the other end was my life back again. Was my clear mind and thoughts and in the process so was anxiety left behind. The benzos had started out as my crutch which later turned into a need.

I wish you the best in making a decision to claim your life back. We are here to support your decision. I hope 2017 is a year of new beginnings for you. x