What help do i need

[Toly]

Hey guys so i think i might have depression and anxiety and god knows what else. I mean i am sure i do but i never seen a professional, my mum has depression and takes pills for them i tried asking her about it but she didn't give me any help i guess she is scared of it being true because she doesnt want me going through what she is. And its kinda very expensive to see a doctor to see what medication i need, so how can i know what i need or how can i help myself?? Because its holding me back from everything i just simply stay in bed all day and night and do nothing at all i do not even study or anything and my finals are in two weeks and i have no idea what the subjects are about, this is my second year doing 12th grade. A lot of people who i try to talk to about this keep telling me i am not depressed and just want attention or im being dramatic and whatever "because they know best you know" but they do not get to tell me how to feel. I know that something is wrong because i can hear my body and self and mind and everything. Oh i also been going through something...it is weird and actually its more like a feeling i asked around and people been telling me im having a "spiritual experience" whatever that means but i guess its because of my anxiety...

And i would really appreciate it if someone can tell me how to be less awkward and shy. I mean i cant even ask questions in class because im just...to shy. I try to speak but i just cant seem to control my body and talk. Most times i try to force myself but the regret that comes after it is real. And i gotta over come that. I wont say i have low self esteem and its not that im not confident im okay i guess but like...i do not know im just very shy and...yeah. I wish i knew how to say whats on my mind in real life and talk the same way i would texting someone...talking to my friends when we chat i can say whatever is on my mind ans actually making videos but in real life not really im not sure if its because the people change and the people im deep with online are different from real life?? And even if they were the same people how can i say whats on my mind because there is moments i do not do so but i wish i do and the other way around. Lets just say i need to be more confident

I hope i make sense to someone out there because sometimes i do not make sense to myself, thank you.

Oh i also keep having these death thoughts, like i am dying i keep feeling like im gonna die soon and that scares me a lot,i actually wrote a death note...is this normal??

[kinikia95]

"Normal" is hard to define but what you're describing is not uncommon. It ends up being expensive in the long run to lie in bed all day but I know that means nothing if you don't have the cash available. I hope you can do some online research and find some free or close to free Mental Health Services in your area. These forums help but it sounds like you could benefit from the care of your own counselor as well.

[Agora1]

Hi Toly, as Kinikia95 stated, lying in bed is not the way to go. Depression must always be addressed before it leads to some dire consequences. It should never be taken lightly. It more than sounds like you need to see a doctor who can evaluate you as well as try medication. The fact that your mom suffers from depression and is on medication is more likely a hereditary issue for you. As for feeling awkward and shy, it's just a part of the age you are at. You say you can interact okay with your friends and on the internet. Dealing in real life can be a bit more intimidating but it will all come into place as you get into adulthood. My concern for you right now is your feelings of depression and these death thoughts. Actually having wrote a death note if not normal. Those feelings need to expressed more deeply by a professional.

[Toly in reply to Agora1]

Yeah i know what irritates me is i know how i feel and im sure something is wrong but people keep telling me "im fine" when i know im not. I did an online tests and it said i have "severe depression" and another one said i have suicidal thoughts and that made me feel worried more thats why i posted this here..and thank you i'll try and see what happens♥️♥️

[Toly]

Thank you i'll look it up and see♥️

[Agora1]

Toly, Looking up things on the internet are not going to help you. You need to find professional help with a doctor or therapist. We are not doctors and can only advise you on what we are experiencing as people with anxiety disorder. If you really feel you need help then you are going to have to by pass those who are telling you that you are fine. Seek out a counselor at school or a close family member who may be able to direct you. I wish you well.

[Toly in reply to Agora1]

I'll see what i can do thank you very much♥️