Need some comfort and reassurance? Read me :)

[DeeDee412]

Hello to all my fellow sufferers,

I know so many of you may be going through really hard times, and I know how difficult it is living with anxiety. Especially for those of you who have been recently diagnosed and are confused as to what is happening with your body - I was the same! I don't want to sugar coat it because the truth is, anxiety IS a really horrible condition, one I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy! It can make you feel so alone, and confused and perhaps angry. It then goes on to effect other things, relationships with others, confidence, self-esteem, and in my case OTHER health conditions! (IBS mainly).

So where is the comfort in this post..?

I have had anxiety since 2011 and i want to be someone on this community who offers hope I started of in such a terrible way. I have gone through so much and still to this day have continuously faced utter shit (excuse my french). My life is a long sad story but let me share my recent events....

I had been with my boyfriend for over a year, and was in my final year of university. The plan was for me to move up to Manchester after i graduated and get a job up there to live with him (I live near London). This actually took place, you can imagine how hard that is to do, despite having never moved away from home before! At least not that far, and then adjust to a busy city, a new job etc etc.

Long story short, despite sleeping on a few people's couches until i found my own place, I actually started to feel happier and calmer! And then what? Here goes the life bomb BOOOOM. He dumps me. A big old dumping, TWO WEEKS after i move my entire life up to be with him.

I'm then left with sharing my work colleagues rooms, and thinking what on earth do i do next?!?!? I hadn't enough money to live somewhere by myself, so after two weeks i had no choice but to hand my notice in and move home. Let me tell you now that this was the hardest point of my life to date. To move home back with the parents after the freedom of city life, and being in that mindset where you thought you were going to move in with the (supposed) love of your life, was honestly heartbreaking. I was unemployed, i had to say goodbye to all my manchester friends, it's still so weird knowing i won't see them on a daily basis anymore, like my whole perception of everything has just completely changed. Unemployment, no friends, no boyfriend and no social life, nothing to do, nothing to see, and then chuck in an anxiety disorder in there too!

It really is harder to do things with anxiety, and my message to you is, that's ok ! You're a kinder person for it. You spend so much time worrying about aspects others may not, you think, you analyse, but you care, you're clever, you love unconditionally, you are a GREAT human being! It is so hard to find your motivation again, so so hard! But it is there!!!! After a horrible month, I have just accepted a job at a top fashion brand's head office in London and i'm over the moon! As a 22 year old female with a love of fashion - this is the dream! Things DO happen for a reason. Had i stayed with this boy i wouldn't have had this opportunity!!

If you are going through something so utterly painful and feel as low as low can get. PLEASE believe me that things will pick up (you may be saying in your head that they never will) but prove your head wrong!!! Go and do it. You can do great things!! The anxiety will come with you, unfortunately, but your life will turn around Communities like this are great because you can find so many people in the same situation. Whilst I'm in a better place now, i want to help as many of you as I can. For anyone going through something hard out there, I wish i could come and help you all personally. But through a screen is good enough for me

KEEP GOING ! You are a great person who will achieve amazing wonderful things!

[Agora1]

DeeDee412, I found that place too. Thank you for sharing your story and Good Luck with your dream job. Success is in your future in many way. x

[DeeDee412 in reply to Agora1]

Agora1 hello! I hope you're ok. I'm a believer that all bad things result in better things! No matter what you're going through, there is always someone who can relate to you, and help you, and it will always get better! I wish you all the best as well! I hope happiness stays in your life for many years to come !

[sunnyg]

Thank you. HOW did you find that place? How bad was your anxiety? What were your symptoms and how did you beat the devil of anxiety?

[DeeDee412 in reply to sunnyg]

I found this place after time, and a lot of it. The more therapists i saw the more it clicked, i have anxiety because I'M thinking in this way. Only I can get myself out of thinking that way. No matter how much therapy i had, no therapist was going to drag me to attend school, or make me go to a social event. I had to do that. And it was HARD. I had so many panic attacks, but I just kept going. Facing things i didn't want to face. Short term pain for long term gain!

My anxiety was bad. Constant panic attacks allllll day everday. My main symptom is the need to retch and gag and i also have a phobia of sick so this made it so much harder. I was terrified. Heart would race, feel faint, struggled to eat anything, sweaty palms and feet, couldn't breathe. And also the whole mind set of absolute gloom and dread and panic. I was so bad I couldn't walk from my living room to my kitchen without a panic attack.

My dad was quite strict and said i HAD to go to school, and even though i was struggling, I think that helped a lot. The more i faced my fears, the easier it became. Since this point I have achieved so much, I even took myself to Canada to visit my now ex!! Incredible. When i go through big upsets like this recent ex, of course the anxiety all comes flying back, but i've got myself in a better mindset before so i tell myself, i will again.

You are your own worst enemy but you're also your cure. It's inside you!

[Tay171]

Thank you for this . I feel utterly hopeless right now. Just broke up a week ago. I too thought they were my future . I to moved country . Choose my uni which was close to them. No I have never felt so alone . Suffering a mental illness with no family or friends to help. they are hurting to. But I feel like I'm getting out of control can't focus on any of my work late for assignments missing classes

[DeeDee412 in reply to Tay171]

Honestly, i know exactly how you're feeling. And i'm sure you're sick of hearing people saying that 'you'll be fine' and that time will heal. Right now you feel like you need this person or you can't live, it's like you literally CAN'T not be with them, being without them isn't an option. You sit and plan ways to try win them back, sit and overthink and fight for them, and you hurt even more when it hits you that they're not coming back. Your best friend, boyfriend and world, gone.

But let me tell you one thing. In time it starts to click a bit more, you start to realise, why am i fighting for something that only wants to break me? Why am i bothering to love someone who doesn't deserve it, when there's someone else out there dying to meet someone great like you. Why have i moved my life to be with this person and not think of myself and what you need. Why love somone who part loves you back. Not everything you lose is a loss. They lost someone great, and in doing so, they gave you an opportunity. I didn't think i'd ever feel better, and i still cry now, its only been just over a month. But i'm beginning to wake up and realise - i'd rather live with a broken heart, than live knowing i broke someone elses. I'm the good person, i deserve FAR better. And now i'm out the situation, i realised how much was wrong. He's a cheat, an abuser, horrible guy.

But now we're free. Go out there knowing you are an amazing person. You put all your effort in for someone who took advantage of it. Sit and think, would your ex have done any of this for you? There's someone out there PRAYING they meet someone like you. You will find them. You deserve them. It will take time to get back on your feet, it will take time to stop hurting. But you've got this. There's a world out there waiting to be explored. Don't let one person get in your way, go and prove yourself wrong and make some achievements

P.s - Karma will hit them, and when they realise what they lost, you'll be in a happier place where you don't need or want them and they'll have to live with the regret of losing YOU. You didn't lose them

[Tay171 in reply to DeeDee412]

It's my fault tho they were good to me and I wasn't good enough? Or maybe it just wasn't working . But I can't take it when someone says forever I believed