Hello to all my fellow sufferers,
I know so many of you may be going through really hard times, and I know how difficult it is living with anxiety. Especially for those of you who have been recently diagnosed and are confused as to what is happening with your body - I was the same! I don't want to sugar coat it because the truth is, anxiety IS a really horrible condition, one I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy! It can make you feel so alone, and confused and perhaps angry. It then goes on to effect other things, relationships with others, confidence, self-esteem, and in my case OTHER health conditions! (IBS mainly).
So where is the comfort in this post..?
I have had anxiety since 2011 and i want to be someone on this community who offers hope I started of in such a terrible way. I have gone through so much and still to this day have continuously faced utter shit (excuse my french). My life is a long sad story but let me share my recent events....
I had been with my boyfriend for over a year, and was in my final year of university. The plan was for me to move up to Manchester after i graduated and get a job up there to live with him (I live near London). This actually took place, you can imagine how hard that is to do, despite having never moved away from home before! At least not that far, and then adjust to a busy city, a new job etc etc.
Long story short, despite sleeping on a few people's couches until i found my own place, I actually started to feel happier and calmer! And then what? Here goes the life bomb BOOOOM. He dumps me. A big old dumping, TWO WEEKS after i move my entire life up to be with him.
I'm then left with sharing my work colleagues rooms, and thinking what on earth do i do next?!?!? I hadn't enough money to live somewhere by myself, so after two weeks i had no choice but to hand my notice in and move home. Let me tell you now that this was the hardest point of my life to date. To move home back with the parents after the freedom of city life, and being in that mindset where you thought you were going to move in with the (supposed) love of your life, was honestly heartbreaking. I was unemployed, i had to say goodbye to all my manchester friends, it's still so weird knowing i won't see them on a daily basis anymore, like my whole perception of everything has just completely changed. Unemployment, no friends, no boyfriend and no social life, nothing to do, nothing to see, and then chuck in an anxiety disorder in there too!
It really is harder to do things with anxiety, and my message to you is, that's ok ! You're a kinder person for it. You spend so much time worrying about aspects others may not, you think, you analyse, but you care, you're clever, you love unconditionally, you are a GREAT human being! It is so hard to find your motivation again, so so hard! But it is there!!!! After a horrible month, I have just accepted a job at a top fashion brand's head office in London and i'm over the moon! As a 22 year old female with a love of fashion - this is the dream! Things DO happen for a reason. Had i stayed with this boy i wouldn't have had this opportunity!!
If you are going through something so utterly painful and feel as low as low can get. PLEASE believe me that things will pick up (you may be saying in your head that they never will) but prove your head wrong!!! Go and do it. You can do great things!! The anxiety will come with you, unfortunately, but your life will turn around Communities like this are great because you can find so many people in the same situation. Whilst I'm in a better place now, i want to help as many of you as I can. For anyone going through something hard out there, I wish i could come and help you all personally. But through a screen is good enough for me
KEEP GOING ! You are a great person who will achieve amazing wonderful things!