Day by day but being impatient is a pain

[AlexaLee7811]

I had a unbelievable evening last night with my boyfriend..literally NO anxiety. My stomach didn't hurt I didn't worry nothing. We enjoyed watching the indians and cubs play and it was relaxing and great. But I am noticing myself trying to find little things that bother me about him. Whether he wooped because the cubs won or was talking to the tv which is SO stupid. I don't know why that would ever bother me but it is like I am trying to find small things but then when he kisses me or I kiss him or he rubs his hand across my face or kisses my forehead everything relaxes and goes away. I am not sure if me looking for things is me trying to build up a wall to try and not get hurt or what? But we talked last night and he just made me feel amazing about my anxiety weird to say. He said to me that " I never need to apologize and he is here for me and it is not stupid stuff it is a legitimate issue and he admires me for confronting it head on." I actually burst into tears hearing him say that tears of joy and comfort and love and that he truly cares for me. It was a weird break through for me too. I woke up feeling great today. I miss him but I feel great! I just wish I wasn't trying to find fault on stupid things! like why would I be finding fault I love everthing about him. I just look at him and just look at everything I love and not ONE thing disgusts or annoys me or if it does im like yeah well I have annoying things too but I still love him. I talked to him about it a bit because he tends to see negativily in his life like he could always do better and certain things aren't good enough and thats been bothering me a tad and I told him he is like that at times and hell I know I am too but I know this time of year I get cranky also. I am taking more Vitamin D to help with my levels also because I know lack of it can cause severe depression and mood swings and I feel a lot better today. I just want it all gone sadly which it takes awhile but im proud of myself for doing so well so far!