fear of losing loved ones

I am super close to my family, my few friends and boyfriend. I have never felt so comfortable and loved in my life. Me and my sister have been extremely close since birth, she's the only person i can be my full strange self around, I love her so much and I am so protective over her. I have intense anxiety about death...

I think about it almost constantly, especially when I am happy and everything is going well in the present time, i am always so convinced something awful IS going to happen despite my family being in good health i'd say. Fear of accidents, sudden death, dying in their sleep etc. I feel that death is moving closer and I am terrified. I have to keep checking up on everyone every day to make sure they arent dead. When I am at my parents I check the bedrooms to make sure everyone is still breathing, or wake them up when I am extremely panicked about it.

I feel so lost and confused. A close friend of mine died suddenly in her sleep in 2014 on christmas eve. her twin sister was also a close friend of mine and I can't comprehend losing my own sister. i just cant. i am terrified. some days i accept death in myself, but the hurt and the loss snd the death of others i love is too much to even think about without having a panic attack and break down for the whole day.

I just wanted to share this with you all because I need to express how I feel knowing that others are listening, makes me feel a bit better for a while. I am so close to my boyfriend, my sister, my parents, my dog, my friends... they are all i have, i feel relationships so intensly, i love snd care so hard even when i find it difficult to show it because of my depression and anxiety. i am nothing without them. they make me whole and make life worth living. i cant handle any more death. its too close and i am not ready. if someone close to me dies i feel that i will most definately die too.

4 Replies

  • I definitely know exactly how you feel. I am petrified about death. This is actually to me the main reason why my anxiety and panic has gotten so bad and won't seem to go away because of my fear of death. Every worry you just said I feel the same way. Especially of my kids. They are my world and even the thought of leaving this earth and leaving them behind I start crying. When my insomnia was just beginning, it was caused by my fear of death because I was so afraid to fall asleep because I keep thinking I won't wake up. I refused to take any sleep aid that the doctor had prescribed me for my sleep and I will not take it because of think about death. And yes like you say, it seems like I only think about death to where every day something happens or my anxiety symptoms make me think something bad is around the corner. 2 people I know really well very close to the family died in their bed(separate times). And that freak me out I could not sleep. And i believe that's what brought on my anxiety. So trust me I know how you feel. And now my health anxiety is through the roof. I don't know how my brain will even accept anyone in my family or a loved one dying again.

  • hey, thanks for the reply! reading other people's stories / thoughts helps me to feel that I am not alone. I relate to what you said so much. I just had my first support/councelling session in almost a year, i cried so hard talking about past memories and since ive not had someone to properly talk to in so long. I think the one thing that helps me is spirituality, (as well as mindfulness, cbt, meditation etc.) I could probably make a whole seperate post about how this and parts of buddhism have helped me understand and accept life as it is. But thinking about death, and the thought of losing loved ones I feel will always be a horrible part of my anxiety I will have to live with, and slowly find ways to focus on the present.

  • Dear Kelly. Glad to hear others are practicing buddhism here aswell. It saved my life. Accepting everything as it is. I think a lot about death, but not mine, more like my loved ones. I have my peace with dying. I just dont want to see my loved ones die. But sadly it is part of the life. Only thing you can do is give back the love to others just like they do that with you. And remember: life is no big deal, what comes after will be more huge.

  • Life is a scary place most of the time. So many things can happen that are beyond our control. However, that's just it. It's beyond our control. Worrying about something that will happen to all of us is almost senseless. I say this because it's going to happen whether we accept it or not. You have to live your life happily. Right now, you're worrying about the "what if's" in life. Stop worrying about what you cannot change and prevent because you're taking your happiness away. Enjoy every moment of life with those that God has blessed you with in your life. When it's our time we have to go. Don't take your given time away with those that you love by worrying. Just relax. God didn't intend us to be afraid or worry about these things but he promises to bring us through everything if we follow him. Hang in there love. You WILL get through this. Change your thoughts! Praying for you!

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