Scared and confused of anxiety

Hello everyone,

So I have been dating the most wonderful unbelievable guy EVER for the past almost year. Suddenly one morning I woke up and my stomach started to feel off like nauseous off. I have had this before with my other ex around the EXACT same time (during september/october) and it just brought out a really bad side of me where I was always crying and just worrying constantly about my relationship whether i loved him or not and then once I calmed down I knew I loved him. This is now happening with this amazing man I am completely in love with. I go out of my way to do things for him I love being around him and kissing and holding each other all of that. But then my anxiety comes up ( I am guessing that is it) and my mind rushes and I am thinking "oh god I am not feeling that butterfly excitement anymore what is happening do I love him anymore do I not what if I don't I can't end this I couldn't ever." and my mind will rush until I somehow calm it down or cry to let go of all the tension and can relax and think clearly and I then think of how miserable and heartbroken I would be without him and it is like I have to re-convince my anxiety that it is all ok. I hate feeling this way I have talked to him about it and he has just told me he is always here for me to talk to and to listen to me and to work through this and if I ever want to break up just to tell him and just even hearing those words makes me want to cry and makes a pit in my stomach. It is like I don't trust myself to what I feel or if this is the honey moon phase being over and going into a real relationship which I am not used to either. Any advice would help. I am seeing a therapist but I really do not want to take medication but I will do anything to fix this. I love him way too much. Just the other day I was with him and I was all smiles and couldn't even feel anxiety. I was so excited to be around him and kiss him and just have him there and then we had a good night together I talked to him more about my anxiety and telling him how I am not used to the after honeymoon phase I always think there should be that butterfly crazy oh my goodness feeling or something is wrong or that I shouldn't be happy on my own doing things on my own or that I should always be thinking about him but that it is ok not to be doing all of that. I just was looking to see if anyone else has experienced this and what they recommend? I love him dearly I truly do but when my anxiety comes up I freak out and think I don't or what if I am only loving him because I am supposed to which makes no sense to me but to my anxiety it does.

Thanks for the support

2 Replies

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  • Hi AlexaLee7811, it seems like this has happened to you once before with an ex. The feeling of uncertainty because that "butterfly" feeling isn't as intense or isn't there. Some people are addicted to the rush they get when meeting that special love of their life. However when the reality of life bursts the bubble, then the confusion sets in. "am I really in love with him, I'm not sure, yet I love to be around him, I don't know what I'd do if we broke up" and then the panic sets in. Uncertainty always leads to panic because you loose yourself.

    Looking to someone else to fill your needs of sexuality, being wanted, needed and cared for, is not the answer. Both partners should bring to the relationship an equal share of that love for each other. Love is sharing the good and the bad times, supporting and caring for each other and trust.

    Therapy will help you find yourself and your insecurities and feelings. There isn't a magical pill that can solve this. I wish you well in finding the answer you are looking for.

  • Thanks so much Agora1!! I really appreciate the feedback and you are right! It kind of stems from when I was younger and never seeing a health relationship via my parents divorce and I never saw them with anyone else and anyone I saw my dad with would crush us as kids (my brother and I) and they would always end too. So i constantly built walls up around myself and constantly either left relationships before they could grow or just didn't feel anything towards them and shrugged it off.

    You are 100% right where I question things rather than breathe and say its going to be ok you have a wonderful man who I mean I cannot even explain how well we get along mentally physically and just on a one on one basis. When I feel down hes the first person I go to, when I am happy he can make me laugh even harder than before, and physically wise it is a very strong connection too. But its when the thoughts come up, my mind rushes like crazy and I am worrying about the worse thing possible and my anxiety is telling me the only way to end this anxiety is to end it rather than take a deep breath and realize it is ok to not always have that butterly feeling. It doesn't last forever. When the real relationship starts is the tough part and you have to work through that and really realize how good you two are together. I still crave him in a physical and mental way... and when I don't think of my anxiety or focus on it and try to pick it apart I feel happiness and love for him all over.

    Thankfully he does share that equal love and i trust him more than I have EVER trusted someone in a relationship. I don't worry if he isn't going to text back immediately I know he won't ever cheat on me and he has told me he will be there to help me through anxiety and talk about it and he won't just leave me and we will get through this together. Even the thought of leaving him breaks my heart and I can't even think of it haha.

    I am hoping my therapist can help me along with this but I really appreciate your reply because I feel like hearing others ideas and thoughts can help stimulate and strengthen your own :)

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