scared!!

i have just joined this site! although i am glad i can relate to some people on here i am soooo scared.... i thought this would be a short period of my life ..... but it not stopping!! people on here seem to have had it years!! i have struggled for a few years with " bouts" of anxiety but they always gone away! i never knew what set me off...... but for the last 7 months it has been awful.... i think of death, of me dying, then i'm scared of death, what is after death? but i don't want to die! i have 3 beautiful children.... i love them dearly and want to be here for them..... i imagine dying and leaving them! it makes me so sad! i feel hopeless and helpless! i feel irrtated a lot of the time! i feel so sad.. upset and angry i am not the person i was! i have stopped going out... i only go to limited places! i had a camera put up my nose the other week cos i was convinced something was stuck in my throat!! how can any one expect to be able to live like this.... the problem is i don't want to live like this??? what do i do??? its the last thing on my mind when i go bed!! the first thing i think of soon as i wake!! why is this happening to me??? why me??? all the horrible people out there... that get on with there lifes.... why can't i live mine???

6 Replies

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  • I know how you feel, I have 3 children too and wish I new the answer. I too am fed up living like this and I argue with myself over it because I know its all in my head. I think im gonna die when I go anywhere because my blood pressure goes so high I think im gonna have a stroke or heart attack so they put me on meds, and when im at home my blood pressure is so low I am very dizzy and have to lie down, constant worry, sick of it. xxx

  • have you been prescribed anything for your anxiety? it doesn't sound like they are working if you still feeling this way. My anxiety is mild but comes in waves and is triggered by situations that cause me high levels of stress but my meds help calm it down so i can function,and look after my child x seriously go back to your doctor if you feeling this way x hugs xxx

  • you really should go and have a good talk with your GP about the thoughts going on in your head. Do not go home without telling the GP everything that is worrying you. You do need some medication for this problem. In time they will work and you can look back on this time and learn from it what to do when anything like this happens to anyone else, and be there to offer advice.

    As for feeling angry, this is anxiety. Do the breathing exercises and learn to relax ( I know this is difficult with children) I've been there and it does get better, but you have to learn to love yourself and give some down time for yourself as well.

    Anxiety weakens the body, so if you can do some light exercises every day ( I do some silly dance moves in the kitchen when cooking). This loosens up the tenseness in the body. Also sing along if you feel like it. They say that time is a great healer, so give yourself time. xx

  • Hi guys thanks for writing to me! i do try and tell myself its in my head and that i am going to be ok but that horrible gut wrenching, stomach churching feeling stays!! As for medication in november i was on diazepam 3 times a day, while mirtazapine got in my system, they helped for a bit but not fully, made me feel horrible so came off that and tried citalopram that gave me awful side effects and couldn't cope! so then went on sertraline.... i was on 50mg the doctor put me up to 100mg last week because i had a bloody good cry and told her a lot of stuff that goes on in my head! waiting for cbt..... i don't know any breathing exercises haven't a clue how relax any more... iam am scared that i am going to go mental....i am scared for myself when i feel so bad! the thoughts of dying are only half of it! but is that really anxiety my doctors says it is and that i'm not going insane.... but then i think how does she know??? she not fully aware of whats in my head? could it just be simliar to anixety? i hate been like this.... i am very angry about been like this i want to do things... and i can't.... i want to just sit and relax but i can't... things have got a bit better.... but i want my old life back now! i can't explain to any body how badly i hate this!! i really do hope that time is a healer.... i really really do.... cos i do not want to live the rest of my life like this IN FEAR!! its crap!! its no way to live!! i also scared because my mum says she suffers from anxiety and i would feel awful if i have passed this on to my kids... i couldn't watch them suffer through this pain!! sorry for the big rant!! but a feel a bit better just typing it out it that makes sense!! xx

  • Hiya Scary

    i feel exactly the way you do i have children and grandchildren and feel i am being robbed that i cannot go out and enjoy myself like other people. I ask myself a million times why me? its frustrating as i get up in the morning my legs shake i feel dizzy as if i am going to fall over. Sometimes i just sit and cry seeing noway out of this dark hole. I only feel safe with certain people and now and again venture out but i just want to return to the safe haven Home. Yesterday i went to the doctors and ended up in a real mess crying shaking and trying to explain how my life has become and that i see noway out of this.

    She has given me a small dose of Citalopram you said you had side affects sitting here wondering what ? I do not like taking tablets to be honest and this scares me also.

    The good thing scary is people here are all understanding and going through hell so its good to sit and vent what scares you upsets you etc.

    I get frustrated with the situation and want to scream at times, people mean well but do not fully understand what you are going through. Anytime you want a chat please leave a message.

    I wish you the best of luck

    Hugs Seyi xx

  • Hya. It is awful having to feel this way. I've been put on 100mg of sertraline for the same reasons and others. Don't think they're the greatest as im still exactly the same as before. I have only just joined on here and would like to thank all the people who talk about these issues. If it wasnt for this site i would not have had the courage ti speak to my gp. I thought it was just me and that i must be crazy. I hate how it affects my life on a daily basis and feel for my 3 boys as i don't do as much with them as i should. It has made me feel a whole lot better just knowing there are people on here who truly know what youre going through. Big hugs to you all.

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