I feel guilty for having anxiety.

[Sweetlolly11]

In just a few days I'll be 21. This is probably going to be my saddest birthday so far.

Last summer was very bad for me. I have never been this anxious and my health is not good either. It's been three months of hell. I am finally deciding on getting some help (CBT to be precise). But college is starting, and even though I took up so little classes, I am still getting more anxious because of it, also the knowledge I'll have to finish it some day. It's not like I'm taking these classes now and it's forever over. Some day, sooner or later, I'll have to face it and finish college and then get a job and so on, and honestly, I just feel frozen in time. I also just wish everything would stop. I spent all my life working so hard in school and now in college, just to be the best I can and it's taking it's toll on me. I am crumbling apart.

And I feel so f*cking guilty, inexplicably guilty - I look at people my age, working, some of my friends working 3 summer jobs at a time, others at least going out, and traveling, and enjoying life and their youth. Basically just living while they're young. While I'm sitting at home, trapped in my agoraphobia, doing nothing all day long, frozen, unable to move, unwilling to move. Feeling like giving up. Feeling restless. Dizzy, weak and sad all the time. Some of my weakness and other symptoms are actually caused by my health issues (my adrenals are basically burnt out from all the stress I've been living under - they cannot handle it anymore) and I am supposed to be healing, no stress and taking it easy, but I'm stressed out 24/7 because I can't stop worrying and hating myself for being like this, for not being "normal", regular part of society, making my parents proud, being happy with everything I have in life. I feel so guilty, ungrateful and like a brat - so many people have it way worse, and handle it. Why can't I? What is it about me that makes me weaker than them? How can it be?

Rant over.

[blanka77]

Never feel guilty, that only adds to your stress and anxiety. Guilt comes from a choose not decision and im sure you didn't choose anxiety, it chooses us. I know its very hard trust me i started having panic attacks when I was 9 and im now 39 so 30 years but don't let that scare you because I have had an amazing group I feel and have struggled but also had beautiful moments. The reality is we put so much stress on ourselves that something is going to happen or someone is going to judge us but you know what, who cares, nothing happens that we can't manage obviously because we're still here and who cares what others think they have their own issues trust me they do. Hang in there, find what relaxes you and run with it full glory, UT yourself first and let go of what others think, if they really care they will be there for good and bad.

Best of luck. Your stronger than you know.

S.

[Sweetlolly11 in reply to blanka77]

Thank you, this truly inspired me x

[looking4me]

I know how you feel. I feel guilty a lot cause I can't work as much. as I used too. There is so much I want and wish I can do for my family. But my anxiety, along with other health problems has made it really difficult. I like to think, that I have to accept things for how they are at the moment. i don't hate myself for it, cause I know everyone is different. Some people will take longer than others to accomplish the same things. Some people just never accomplish anything through no fault of their own. And like me, I worked my ass off accomplished a lot, and lost it all. So don't take life too seriously. Just take it a day at a time, and find what puts a smile on your face each day. xx