I know I know. I tell myslef, I question my thoughts, I over think. I have my moments of saying it is what it is. You've had these syptoms before so why stress over it. But I'm telling you, i cannot sit here and pretend this shit does not bother me and make me worry and question these doctors and my gp. I'm dealing with a bad appetite, upset stomach, I can tell my digestive tract/GI tract or whatever has to do with your stomach is off because it's like certain things I eat makes my stomach go off. All yesterday after being outside in that sun that drained me all after that my mind my body my thoughts basically I was trapped. I kept feeling anxious the entire rest of the day. After getting home last night it took a while for me to fall asleep but yet again I was awaken by a sudden wave or zap to my brain and my body felt weak. I sat up immediately and I felt like my my brain get a wave of adrenaline I got short of breath my heart started pounding. Then I got up and almost couldn't walk from feeling dizzy. This morning I got up again and my head was so dizzy that as I walked or moved my head in every direction I felt dizzy. Bottom line I could go on and on. All I know is I feel different inside. I hate because I don't feel normal. I can't stop stressing mentally. There is no way this can be anxiety. I'm scared for my next second, minute, hour. I had decided to taper myself down to a low dose of the meds until i stop it all together because I don't believe it is helpful which I've only been on it for 3 weeks but I never wanted to take it in the first place. But the meds claim to not be addiction because it's an anti anxiety med so that's why I decided on tapering myself off. Point is I'm tired of pretending even with myself that I can live like this. 😢😢😢 I want to be strong and be myself for my kids. This cannot be anxiety. Those doctors-I can't begin to say how I truly feel about them right now. I fucking Haye this.
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