My name is Ana, I am nearly 21 years old and have been suffering with anxiety issues ever since I was about 15 years old after a tragic death case in my family, after that I've just succumbed to the stress of my life I guess. I've been in therapy twice, it was helpful while it lasted. I'm just doing really, really bad right now... my agoraphobia has spiralled out of control, I have always somehow managed to go out and about, but since I had a long summer of doing absolutely nothing, my friends being away etc. I've just gotten so used to being inside that being outside gives me horrible symptoms, even thinking about leaving the house or doing absolutely anything with myself gives me these symptoms, and they are: dizziness, lightheadedness, feeling faint, I just feel really sick and like I'm about to pass out, blurred vision and light sensitivity, I have to hold someone's hand if they're with me, I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking I'm a freak, weird or on drugs, perhaps all of those. What's worse is that my family never really understood me, even while I was in therapy my mom never asked me anything like perhaps if I was getting better, all she ever asked was: so, when is all of this gonna be over? I am a student of psychology myself, I do understand a lot of what's happening to me and I do know I have generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and panic disorder, but I just can't figure out how to get myself back on track. I am against medication, I know some people might feel better with it, but I just prefer not to take any. I just can't go on like this anymore - I want to lie in my bed and stay there and never get out again because it's not worth it since I can't enjoy or even DO anything productive outside, all I can think about is running away and never leaving my house again. Whenever I'm inside, by myself or with family, I laugh, I make jokes, I have fun, but that's usually when I forget that I'll have to return to college for my next semester, that I'll have to start going out again all the time and actually do things and accomplish stuff in my life. I feel like I'm a 90 year old sitting in a nursing home and waiting to die to be honest. 
I'm just beyond sad and miserable at the moment.
New here, really worried and feeling bad... - Anxiety Support
New here, really worried and feeling bad...
Awh I am so sorry that you have been suffering with this, I am 21 and I suffered with panic attacks about 6 months ago.. and have been diagnosed with anixty and ocd now.. I constantly have a headache everyday, all day and lile now it's unbearable I'm in so much pain I can't cope! I have dizziness quiet a lot too.. I used to get chest pains and heaty palpitations but that has slowly stopped, the main thing I get now is headaches and it is horriable, I see a counclier and have cbt treatment. It helped a bit at the start but recently my headaches have gone out of control. I find myself constantly rubbing my head or touching my head! And this is all anixty apparntley! It does werid things to you! Trust me! Just hang in there, I know it's easier said than done because I sometimes don't even get out of bed and worry so much! But here if u need a chat x
Aww thank you, I'm sorry you feel bad too wish there was some way, a quick fix for us to feel better. I'm just so sad that I am so young and I look at all the people my age go out and have fun without a care in the world while I'm trapped inside my own head, it's like prison... I also forgot to mention, I get tired so easily, especially when there's a lot of people communicating with me, and this has become my worst nightmare because I have to go to a wedding soon, and be up literally all day and night, and I can barely keep my head up after around 6 pm unless I go and take a nap or something. Also, my concentration, my memory, my brain fog, all horrible feeling really sad right now... xx
I can really relate to how you feel, also share the feeling about medication. What has helped me sometimes if facing the fear. Dizziness / fear of fainting is my worst thing too. It will hold you back as much as you let it, try facing it and going for that walk. You will realize nothing bad happens. The fear is always worse than the reality. Being self conscious is the brain working over time, overthinking and over analyzing. Perhaps try headphones and some music. Hope this helps
I have actually found out music makes it that much worse because it disconnects me from reality - sometimes I'll distract myself by listening to things around me and such. But what bugs me most is that I can use all of these techniques and stuff - when I'm ALONE. What if I'm at a party, and someone is talking to me and all of a sudden I start doing a breathing technique or something like that haha seems kinda creepy to someone who doesn't know what I'm doing, don't you think? I have to go to a wedding in about 2 weeks and I am so anxious about it, I am thinking of not going. Because, the other day I went to a family barbecue, and I spent around 8 hours there altogether, and my fatigue got so bad I literally nearly fell asleep on the ride home. I barely even did anything that day, except for eating and playing with small children, nothing wild though. When I just think about a wedding, and the whole ceremony, the dancing and everything... I just feel like not going, but not going would also enforce my anxiety further I have no idea what to do...
Yeah I get ya, I was given advice to try just stop hiding it. Why hide it? However, I can't follow that advice myself.
I cannot stop hiding it... where I come from, people still don't understand mental illnesses and they would simply say I have gone insane and I'd be frowned upon. It's not their particular opinions I am worried about, it's just that I don't like living my life being looked down upon and laughed at behind my back. No one in my family knows the extent to which I am suffering, that's probably why I feel so alone and misunderstood. They just don't realize it.
I really do understand. I am 6ft muscular and feel complete shame that I can deal with things most can't, yet can't attend a simple family dinner. I wish I had the answer as I need it myself, I do believe facing these things is the only way (I've spent long enough avoiding and it's got me nowhere) all the best
Yes, you too, I hope we can overcome this
That's so funny. I was in public today and wanted to do my breathing exercise and thought the same thing. And I find it daunting too when there is particular functions or events I'm invited too i tired just thinking about the day,I've been so fatigued lately anything makes me tired ! I so get you!
Hi Ana, do you mind if I ask you what are you afraid of? With all the things you have to endure you've done amazingly well, going to college is a huge achievement for you. Since you've realised staying in doors for long periods of time isn't good for your condition next time round try set yourself a goal everyday to go outside and do something. When you start to feel negative stop what your doing and think!! Hang on a minute!! Yes I can do that!! That's what I did. It helped me recover!! I retrained my brain !! I got mad at it!! And I wouldn't let my negative thoughts and anxiety control me!! I found the strength to fight it. It's there in you too!! I know all of those 90 year olds would swap places with you gladly!! I work in a residential/nursing home!! Don't be so sad Ana!! You've got a lot of living to do, you've just got to want too !! Try hypnotherapy apps for anxiety and motivation. They may help👍🙏🏻
Thank you for your kind reply. I am afraid of life, basically - afraid of dying young, of something bad happening to me like fainting and hitting my head on the pavement or having something stolen from me while I lie unconscious, of going insane, of letting my family down, of not accomplishing what I want in my life, of college and everything waiting for me as soon as my semester starts again, of never finding true love etc. etc. etc. I could go on for days. I used to push through somehow all up until recently, but lately I just feel like I can't push anymore. I feel so alone, so tired, so misunderstood and hopeless. my symptoms have NEVER been this bad! Ever! I always had most of them, but they were just distracting, now they're literally debilitating...
All these feeling came about because of the death in your family? 15 is such an impressionable age and it's tragic That it's affecting you so badly. We all deal with things in our own way. Some people are able to comevtobterms with tragedy but others arnt and it then goes on to control their lives.go back and see the doctor as maybe he can help you x
Yes, thank you for the advice, I am seeing my doctor tomorrow. I thought I might do some final check ups for my body, just to be sure I don't have vertigo because of my spine or iron deficiency or something like that. But after I'm done with it all, if everything is fine, I will start therapy again, even though I've been avoiding it like the plague for almost a year now. Because, well, for me starting therapy for the third time in my life feels almost like admitting defeat. I know that's completely irrational, but that's just how I feel. Yet at the same time, the idea of starting therapy again makes me feel somehow warm inside, because I remember how helpful it was just to have someone listen to me and tell me I'm fine and normal.
Yes I lost my cousin when I was 15, she was only 3 years older and like a sister to me, she died in a horrible car crash and my aunt nearly died as well. That's how my fear of death started and has never been resolved. But I was also bullied as a child, that's where my social anxiety stems from, and because of this feeling I'm doing everything wrong with my life I got agoraphobia. That's my view of it all, anyway.
Having therapy in the past has worked for you to some degree, going back again I personally wouldn't see it as a failure I would see it as strength of your character!! The fact your not giving up on yourself and trying to get better!! That's very tragic what happened to your cousin!! And Aunt that day. I can't make sense of the tragedy people have to endure. I always try to find a positive in my own life when awful things happen. As an outsider looking in, the day your cousin died it's like a part of you did too!! Do you think she would want you to suffer as you are doing? She was like a sister to you !! I lost my sister to cancer so I know how it feels to lose someone you loved so dearly. You have the gift of life just as I do !! I choose to get up everyday and think positive thoughts!! I know it's not easy!! If it was no one would ever have anxiety!! But I know your cousin would want you to live your life and make the most of each day. You deserve to be happy you've done nothing wrong.as for those bullies I can't put into words how vile those people are!! How there actions can have a huge impact on people's lives!! You know you're worth millions of times more than they are!! They took away your confidence.dont let them continue to do so!! And yes Ana you are normal!! Who ever bullied you! They're the ones who are not normal!! They go to sleep on a night not caring about the consequences of what they do. You have a life and a family that love you very much. Try and embrace life, don't be afraid.i don't believe we can change our destiny but I believe we can change our thought process!! Don't let the bullies continue to have power over you!! Keep moving forward with your life, that's when they have failed and you have won. They are nothing to you now. They serve no purpose in your life. Don't lose sight of the fact you are a good person with a lot to contribute!! And you see Ana, you haven't died!! You're still here just as you're supposed to be. Don't waste any more time thinking about it. Go back into therapy and work through it again and again if you have to. But you don't need someone else to tell you your normal!! You can tell yourself that !! Because you are. Take care 😘🙏🏻X
Oh my gosh, thank you for your kind words, you're a wonderful human being. I am so sorry about your sister, I wish we never ever have to lose our loved ones in such a terrible way, I hope we all live to be very old and with lovely memories behind us. I hope I get better some day. Thank you again take care xx
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