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[Adhamio]

Hi I came across this website aftwr typing in to Google "I'm scared of my future" ........ and that's exactly what I am, every day I wake up feeling like a failure I can't remember when I last woke up and felt positive about the day ahead, this is the first time of reaching out about this, I worry about where I'm going to be in 10 years plus time because ifor its where I am now I'm genuinely going to be in a very dark and depressed state !!!! I am a 25 yeare old lad living in the UK, I have a 7 year old daughter, I am no longer with the mother our relationship broke down about 6 years ago ........ now I am in a relationship with a man we have been togetehr for 2 years now,to name any major events in my life my brother committed suicide he hung himself when I was 19 and my daughter was about 6 months old when it happend, I don't really no what else to put here to be honest....... I just feel really really really sick of life and constantly feel like a failure, I earn goodish money but the job is Souldern destroyingly burning...... but is it do I only feel like this because my head is telling me this as there is loads of other lads who do this job and are happy as Larry ...... in fact everyone seems to be doing better than me at life ...... for example friends going to uni excelling in jobs, having good healthy family time, buying or moving in to new homes, and there's me still living with my mom ...... Maby I'm just being dramatic...... I just don't no anymore I feel like I'm reaching a point of no return just sick of everything

[Hidden]

Hello & Welcome

I wished I could turn the clock back and be 25 again and know what I know now

Maybe you have had that said to you before I know when I was younger I was told this often and thought what are you on about but now I know

First thing that sprung out in your post was the loss of your Brother

This must have been an extremely difficult time for you and I am wondering if you thoroughly have dealt with it ?

Did you have any counseling at all , this could be something with how you are feeling that could really benefit you as well as what sounds like anxiety /depression you may have , you should speak with your Doctor they can refer you and with the right support you will move on from where you feel you are now

You seem to think you have not achieved anything , well excuse me did I read correctly you have a Daughter How wonderful is that ! Even if you are no longer with the Mother are you getting to see your Daughter

Been a parent and parenting a child is one of the most important jobs in the world and the biggest achievement ever bringing a precious life into the world and loving and nurturing that little person

Anxiety/depression will always give us negative thoughts until we work through them , one way it keeps us down we cannot see anything positive but the fact you have come looking for help and you care so much means you have a big heart which nowadays is a massive positive !

We are all individuals and no two people are the same , this is why we should not compare with others , we all shine in our own way and no matter what job you do in life every one is just as important as another from a toilet cleaner to a Brain surgeon each one is needed and needed to play their role and we cannot do or would not manage without them , so whatever you do and maybe that won't come with a fancy title but it will be needed and will be what you are meant to do because let's face it if we were all clever clogs and all went on to be Solicitors /Doctors etc who would do all the other jobs that are needed to be done

You are special in your own way never forget that

Take Care x

[Adhamio in reply to Hidden]

Hey thanks from responding to me to be honest I didn't think anyone would!!! I haven't had any counseling mainly because when I went to my gp and discussed how I felt her response was "everything you are telling me about your life you can change the only thing u can't is your brother" that's why she felt that I didn't need counseling or to be put on anti depressants and that was the end of that I have felt like this for about 4 years in total and I have good and bad days but recently mainly just bad days, but on the very few good days that I had I would say to myself the gp is right you can change your life so change it and I feel mega positive infact I feel on top of the world and I can achieve anything but this feeling is very short lived and within a matter of hours I will feel deflated and angree!!

I haven't bothered with the gp since as I don't want to be seen as wasting time and money for someone who genuine needs help as from what the other gp said to me basically made me feel like I was wasting there time.

I see my daughter every weekend without fail and recently took her abroad to cape verdy where we had an amazing time but even still when I was in a different country my enjoyment felt fake I felt like I had to force a smile for my daughters sake as I don't need her to cotton on to me feeling this way ...... I should be genuinely happy that I'm on holiday with my daughter and I just didn't feel it at all....... I can imagine to some people this sounds ridiculas and it probably is!!

Thanks for getting back to me

[Hidden in reply to Adhamio]

I am so sorry you felt no one would reply but hope it has helped you to see people do understand on here and you have got replies

I have to say I am slightly disgusted with the Doctors attitude , yes we can change our lives but sometimes when life has got on top of us we need help to do so and sounds like this has happened to you and you do need some help !

And no you cannot do anything about what happened to your Brother but you may not have grieved for him or you may be struggling to come to terms with his death and again this happens to a lot of people and they need help to make sense of it all and to be able to move on

I am not a Doctor but I do know how Mental Health affects us and from reading your response you very much sound like you could have Depression as this is how it affects us and I relate to the putting on a face to the rest of the world but inside it does not feel as your face is trying to express , so many of us do this and yes we feel guilty because we feel that we should be enjoying ourselves

You are not wasting the Doctors time , please try and move on from that thought , if you had a broken leg and it needed fixing would you feel like you were wasting the Doctors time ? this is no different your mind is poorly shall we say and you need help trying to fix it and remember this is their job and they get good money to see us and even if our problem may not seem as bad as someone else's it is to us because we are the one's that are having to live with it so the pain we feel hurts just as much as someone else's pain

In your surgery are their other Doctors ?

If so I would go and see a different one , tell them everything you have said in your post , even copy your post if you feel you will struggle to tell them because I think any Doctor reading your post would straight away say you had Depression to some degree

I am so pleased you get to see your Daughter and again shows how wonderful you are because even though you are suffering you put a smile on your face for her and I know what hard work that is , draining in fact when all you want to do is be on your own and maybe cry in a corner !

Have you ever looked at the organization called " Mind "

If you put that in Google they are trained solely in Mental Health Problems , they are very good and if you were to give them a call they would give you all the options that you could get help in your area as well as advise , this is something you may feel you want to do to give you that confidence before you go and see the Doctor because I am sure they will also tell you that the way you are feeling you are not wasting anyone's time

I really hope you get the support you so truly deserve x

[Adhamio in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for talking to me I'm going to Google mind and give them a call...... I hope this is the start of a possible new me thanks bounce xc

[Hidden in reply to Adhamio]

I hope so to

Please let us know how you get on x

[daisychained]

Hi,

The loss of your brother also sprung out at me in your post. My bro commited suicide 4 years ago, since then I feel I'm drowning in grief. They say sibling survivors of suicide are the forgotten mourners, how devastating for a parent to lose a child!- we can all empathise, but I've had trouble conveying to people that the person I cannot remember life without- the co founder of childhood- is gone. Since then life has become even more uncertain and cold.

A relationship breakdown, again more uncertainty. And you seem to be comparing yourself in a negative light with others who appear to you to be doing so much better. And lots of "I should be.."

From your post alone you've been through a couple of the hardest life changes a person can go through- yet you think you should be doing better in life. You've done amazingly well already, still there for your daughter trying hard to enjoy things... That's some strength, right there.

You can make changes in your life right now, which would be awesomeness built on a shaky and wobbly foundation, it wouldn't be genuine awesomeness like you mentioned in a reply about faking smiles.

Your gp was rubbish suggesting you didn't need support.

I can only suggest trying to get referred to a counsellor again.

After my bro died I worked for a charity called CALM. they'd be brilliant for you to contact...

Here if you need to talk

[Adhamio in reply to daisychained]

Hi thanks for your response I can relate to a lot of what you put in your reply, words can not express the sadness felt when you have lost a sibling and a lot of the time you hear just link u said how sad for the parents to bury a child........... I really don't want this to sound bad but it almost feels like hello I'm still here, because we celebrate my brothers life even year on his birthday on the day he was found on the day he was buried at Christmas....... and my dad expresses how much I have to be there and don't get me wrong I do want to remember my brother but when it comes to my birthday ...... not so much of a text off me dad infact I have to contact him and organise with him when he's free 9 times out of ten I see him in the pub I often ask myself if it wasn't for the pub would I even see you at all ........... your reply has made me quite emotional to be honest but I do need to go back to the gp and sort this out I can't cope anymore with feeling so crappy

Thanks for responding x

[Adhamio]

"Being strong for the family" well in my case it was being strong for parent and sister but who gonna be string for me ......oh that's right I will be strong for me ...... I completely understand where u are coming from!! How old was your brother when he left you? Mine was 29 so there was a 10 year gap between us, also we had different moms but same dad never the less we was very close..... so in relation to loosing parents as well as a sibling it kinda feels slightly different to me, for my dad would I say I've lost him probably not because he was useless farther to me, he disappeared for around 2 years never wanted to see me let me down over and over as a child...... but thing that gets to me the most is when my brother committed suicide my dad's mental state was not good to the pint he destroyed his house smashed it to peices TV smashed up speakers thrown wallpaper ripped off and so on ..... so I had to make the decision to move out of my home where my current partner lived and my daughter now probably 7 to 8 months old to keep and eye on dad and try and help him through what he was going through I would have been 19 years old at this point because of the choice I made my relationship with my daughters mom started to deteriorate I was being a accused of cheating ( I don't no where I would have found the time to cheat as I used to work in a cafe at this ppint and was working 6 till 6 Monday to Friday in between looking after dad and supporting my new family) but without me going off track I dotn think that being there for someone makes u a stoing person neither does it help your own situation or bereavement I dont feel that I have ever grieved properly for my brother and that's because I have had to be "strong" for others ........ I think you (daisychained) are stronger for being able to say to your family" I don't want to come" you need to grieve how suits you not others........ if I was to say they only time I properly grieved for my brother is about 2 years ago on new years eve I was at a house party then big Ben struck midnight and I literally broke down luckily I was surrounded by friends who didn't no what to do bar huddle round me and hug me until i stopped crying I gave my head a wobble and then continued the night .. ..

Thanks for your responses xxxx