My fingers are tingling and my head is tilted from being light and tense at the same time while I'm typing this. maybe I should get something to eat, but it's not like I haven't ate today! Paranoia sets in with every change of lighting or every fait noise as if I'm passing out, so I shake my head and take a quick inhale of air though my nose. I felt like I was leaving my body though my head a few moments ago.
It's funny how I spent hours today in the middle of the woods trying to figure out what it all means and if there will ever be a day I will feel truly alive again! I was focusing in the rhythm of my tummy slowly raise, hold, and fall as I set my gaze to the pond watching the sunset glisten off the steady moving wake. I was trying to achieve a state of being where nothing really matter, but being thankful and content for my surroundings as I try to force my senses outward instead of being in my head. I would have a though drift though my head which distracted me momentarily. However, what would you do if a child was getting distracted from learning something important? Would you scold him and yank him by the arm? Or would you gently hold his or her hand and continue to teach him beneficial? Sometimes we have to hold are own hand and continue to lead ourselves to something better, even it it scares us because feeling good is no longer a familiar feeling! I stayed as long as I could till I had to leave to be a someone's house later this evening, but I left feeling thankful for my aniexty because what if it's teaching me something? What if it's teaching me to seek answers, and that feeling of death just makes you appreciate the taste of life more?
I'm a 31 year old male with no girlfriend and no kids so I have time to do these sorts of things and I know there's many different ways to achieve an outcome out of many different circumstances, and ironically enough reading some posts and typing this has helping my aniexty attack from a few moments ago. I hope this post encourages anyone who reads, just as every post I read encourages me because I know I'm not alone.
Gotta go to my friends now, hope I don't have an attack on the way there!
With every good wish, your fellow aniexty suffer; Tony