Run far away

[Strangechild]

I'm 17 and I get treated as a child in my household. Whenever I'm allowed out I have to be in the house by 8pm whereas my mates stay out all night and have the time of their lifes. I feel to rebell against my mum and go out late but she'll eventually stop giving me money. I'm depressed in this house and cry myself to sleep every night. I want to end all of this but I don't want to bring pain to others. What am I suppose to do

[Agora1]

Unfortunately Strangechild, until you are 18 or as long as you are living under your parent's roof, you will have to abide by their rules. Believe me, they mean well.. Maybe you can have another member of the family who your parents respect hold a family meeting. Might there be a reason their rule is so strict?

[PhoebeBH]

I would suggest talking to your Mum about this, but do so in a calm manner, you're clearly very frustrated with these limitations set by your Mum and arguing will not help the cause. You want more freedom, so you must show her that you're responsible enough to be allowed the freedom.

If you do plan on talking to her, think and plan out what you would like to say beforehand. Be open and honest. Like Agora1 has said, it would be perhaps a good idea to have a another family member who you both trust to talk with you both.

She is clearly protective of wellbeing and wants you to be safe, which understandably may seem strict in your eyes especially when your friends are allowed to stay out later. Every parent is different with their house rules so do not compare yours to theirs, it's pointless. Again like Agora1 said, perhaps there is another reason that she wants you home by 8pm?

You want the freedom to stay out later and generally any parent will want to see maturity, respect and sensible behaviour from their child in order to trust them to take care of themselves. I found when I was your age I had to earn my parents trust for them to give me more freedom. I soon understood actually that they were only concerned for me, so instead of rebelling like I had done in the past (which only caused more trouble and them to get stricter by the way, I do not recommend it) I'd abide by their rules and always be open and honest about my plans with my friends. Sometimes, yes, when they said no I would be upset, no one wants to miss out on plans with their friends, but soon enough my parents trusted me with more and more freedom.

Also, my Dad once told me, it wasn't me he didn't trust, it was other people. To clarify what he meant by this, he trusted me to take care of myself but he didn't trust others and didn't want those people to negatively impact my safety and wellbeing. Please bare that in mind when your Mum says she wants you home by 8pm, I think it's a worry all parents have but don't voice often enough for their kids to understand that the mistrust is aimed at other people and not them.

Be responsible and respectful. Try and understand why your Mum has set these rules for you and approach the issue in a mature way.

Please come back to us and let us know how you get on, and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask, this community is very welcoming and very helpful.

[valachia-t]

Hi strange child. You might don't see it now, but how things are going these days being in the house at 8:00 could be a good thing . Mates that run wild are loose may face trouble early on, and they may not. I really wish my parents would have kept a tight reign on me, and maybe my life would have turned out a whole lot better. Trust me. I am a mom now, and it is hard raising children. You always want the best for them, and you never stop worrying about them. Trust your mom. She knows best. I don't think she is doing that for hate, it's for love.

[FuerteDude]

My mum was exactly the same at your age. I'm 31 now and if I'd have listened too her, I wouldn't have gotten into as much trouble as I did back then. Bad people come out at night and although you're feeling like you need to be free, rebelling against your parents will only make your home life worse. I didn't speak to my mum for years at one point, partly because of how I treated her, partly because of how she reacted to it. Trust me.... it's for your own good.

Saying that though, maybe 8 is a bit early. Ask her to let you out until 9 for a bit. Then when you've shown her you can be trusted to come home safely, ask for 10. Next year though you'll be 18 and able to move out of your mum's. Then it's up to you eh.

Good luck pal.