My anxiety and panic attacks started over twenty years ago; they kept me from leaving the house. Saw doctors and was tested. Nothing was wrong, so I saw a psychiatrist. The medication helped. All was fine for 15 years, with occasional panic attacks, but since March 2015, I have had the same anxiety and panic attack issues. I am terrified to leave the house; my insurance doesn't pay for therapy; and I've tried over 20 different drugs. I feel anticipatory panic attacks and my head often feels heavy or as if someone is pushing it down and a black curtain is about to cover my eyes. This creeps me out, effecting more anxiety. I have no idea what is going on. I'm on three meds, two of which worked before. Please Please does anyone else relate????
I want to leave my house daily and be able to drive with out worrying if I will have a panic attack.
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dreamreel
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dreamreel, I've been exactly where you are. Felt like a mouse in a maze looking for a way to escape but just kept going in circles and getting deeper in losing a way out. Medication and therapy for years which only kept me afloat where no longer working at all. I felt as it I was drowning. I didn't feel I had the power to turn this around myself. I choose one last thing and that was inpatient hospitalization.. While doctors were working with medication and dosage trial and error, I was working on myself 110%. Attended all meetings and therapies. Felt safe with around the clock care. Didn't want visitors, this was my time to figure myself out.
When I got out, I became Agoraphobic. Continued researching and learning about the mind/body connection. The fear cycle had to be broken. I might not be able to change what was causing my fears and my panic but I could surely change how I was perceiving the fear and make a difference in my life.
I did eventually get out from under that black curtain that felt like it was trying to overtake me. (I understand that feeling) Talk to us dreamreel. You are not alone. Take all the experiences of others who share their journey with severe panic disorder and use it to help yourself go forward. Getting well is about more than medication, it's about knowing what works for you and eventually getting through the maze and finding light at the end. You are not alone with this fear, reach out to us, we are only a message away. xx
Tempestteapot, I'm glad that my response helped some. Then that means the forum is doing it's job in supporting as well as not making people feel so all alone with Anxiety. Make it a great day xx
That is a beautiful and kind message to give to a fellow sufferer Agora1, and although I have never experienced such extreme anxiety, I have felt at times that it was a just stone’s throw away and I can completely empathise.
I have a huge admiration for you Agora1. Your perseverance and bravery in the face of such debilitating symptoms astounds me.
Dreamreel, you are not alone, and listening to Agora1, you can now be sure that all is not lost. What we experience is so common, yet so misperceived and misjudged by society that sometimes, even those of us who are relatively knowledgeable about the subject due to first hand experience, forget that anxiety, with all its horrendous symptoms, is a big part of what makes us human and what is intrinsic to the human condition- what I mean by this is that YOU ARE NOT WEIRD or messed up, just human. I am writing to you, but as I am sure you have already figured out, I am actually trying to convince myself and reafirm this idea to myself.
Knowing you are actually (or I am actually, as the case may be) quite a normal human being, may not help your symptoms (or mine) but hopefully it will make you feel a little less alone while you look for a path out of the hole that is anxiety. We mist remember that there is a way out because people like Agora1 have found theirs with such bravery.
Sending you all my kindest and most supportive thoughts,
RAOK, I was very moved by your response. I may not have had a forum like this to support me but I did have a wonderful therapist and doctors who believed in me. I have always believed that we all have an infinite power within us. It just gets buried for a while with anxiety. We all hold the key in finding our way back. The key may have a different meaning for different people but it still unlocks the door.
I took Anxiety for what it was worth, a Monster, a Bully. The day came that I was ready to take it on. No longer would anxiety have control of my life. We have to be ready to make that commitment in acceptance as well as going forward and never looking back in fear. There are many of us on the forum who now use the forum as I do and that is in passing it forward. We won and now it's our turn to help others reach their goal. Anxiety is just a mind game and games were meant to be won. Wishing you my best RAOK xx
Thank you so much for you’re reply. I am going to share what I am experiencing with you and the other members but I have to warn you that it will be long and rambling as that is my general style😄 but it is worsened by my nerves!🤣
I am worrying about whether I should return to work or not after being on 3 weeks leave due to anxiety. The professionals say I need another 1-2 months but I am afraid I will lose my job and also afraid that this bout of anxiety, (caused actually by work, and what I preceive to be some amount of bullying from my superior) will cause me to relapse into the deeper depression I have only emerged from in the last 8 months. I know I have underlying issues I need to work on and I believe I have been doing that and making great progress over the last few years and, hence, I have recovered greatly from the rather deep depression I suffered previously.
I am in Spain where the labour laws leave employees very unprotected and I know I have a relatively ‘good’ job in comparison to what is out there (in terms of pay and the fact that it’s permanent) and this causes me feelings of great fear when it comes to considering the option of continuing on leave. I am afraid to lose what I have worked so hard for all these years - a stable, relatively well paid job in a country where almost no one in my field is made permanent, nor receives a salary all year around, only 8/9 months of the year. A part of me wants to do what I (and many others here, from what I have read) believe to be part of learning to recover from anxiety which is to accept that I cannot control everything, and therefore accept the possibility of my fears becoming a reality and eventually stop being so afraid of them. I mean, if the company fires me because I continue on leave (it would of course be unfair dismissal which I could then fight but well, that doesn’t sound like much fun either) I would definately get another job in my field and probably very quicky, However it is almost certain that I would earn about 40% less (which would leave me on a very tight budget) and the conditions of my contract would most likely be a lot worse. I worked so hard to get where I am and a part of me is very afraid to lose this job. However at the same time I am petrified at the idea of getting really ill again and at times I am convinced I need the extra time off, and at others convinced I should return to work in a week and just get on with it. I have made changes to my work situation through voluntary demotion from a post of high responsability to one of lesser responsability which also means I will have less contact with the boss who is the one who I feel has been bullying me a little and trying to scare me into submission...
I just don’t know, and I keep going back and forth on any tentaive decision I make, which I am sure you have realized just from reading this post. They are pressuring me at work to give and answer (this is illegal, I know, as officially I am on leave and it is a doctor who must decide if I can be signed on again, not myself or the bl***y boss) and so the pressure increases, which doesn’t help my recovery.
I am leaning strongly toward saying f**k it, I am going take as long as I need and what will be will be and just letting go but some of my loved ones think I should go back and do my best not to lose my job. As I said before, the psychiatrist and the psychologist think I need the time.
RAOK, I was in your situation some 20 years ago. I had a reoccurance of anxiety and had retired to a darkened room but had a job to consider and dependants to support.
I decided to return to work and had no qualms about accepting the help of diazepam but only when needed. It was the right decision, occupation is good therapy for anxiety disorder, better than just sitting around thinking about it all the time. Occupstion is different to distraction, the latter is trying to blank everything out, the former is facing the problem but getting on with other things.
What worked in my situation may not necessarily be right for yours but I tell you my experience for what it is worth.
You were right to distance yourself from your bullying boss even if tjis means a demotion. Do reread Beevee's posts here which show a way forward for all suffering from nervous sensitisation.
You will recover, your situation will improve, the sun will shine again. I wish you God's speed on your journey of recovery.
RAOK, I understand the dilemma you are in. Weighing the pros and cons as to which way to go. Your doctors seem to think you need more time, you are afraid you will lose your job and the stress will continue to climb until a decision is made. Unfortunately, I never comment on anything I haven't experienced myself. I read over Jeff1943's response to you and I would suggest thinking over how he handled it for himself at the time.
In the long run, only you can make that decision. Think carefully, think wisely and consult once again with your doctors. Wishing you well in the decision you make.
I really appreciate your input. Thanks so much for listening and I think that after all of this thinking and analysing the situation and reading your replies I think I have finally reached a decision. I am going to follow the advice of my psych as at the moment, although I am aware of my situation and the pros and cons of both alternatives, I still can’t reach a decision alone because I basically am finding it impossible to see the woods for the trees, if you know what I mean. I think in my case, with my incapacity to reach a coherent conclusion right now, I should just do what I’m told by the man I pay to tell me it, hahaha😝 -the psychitrist! Also, I think that the indecision is upsetting me more and I actually feel much less nervous now I have decided.
Nevertheless thank you so so much for your input and support Agora. It has really helped!
RAOK by making a decision, you have taken a big step forward in reducing your anxiety at this time. You are right in that you are paying him big bucks to look out for your welfare. Now put your troubles in a basket and turn it over to the doctor. Let him carry the weight for a while Breathe, hopefully some of that stress weighing heavy on your shoulders is relieved. I stand behind your decision. My best to you x
Thank you so so much Agora. Your and Jeff’s kind and sensitive words have been a huge consolation to me, and the support you offer in you last message for my final decision is also extremely comforting. Turning it over to a professional and being ready to take his advice and do whatever it takes to feel better, without trying to control the outcome of my every move is what I am positive I need right now, and what I feel is for the moment the closest thing to acceptance of my situation that I can achieve...acceptance but not resignation. You and Jeff helped me, along with family, friends and professionals to reach this point, so, again, thank you so much.
A big hug to all and I will keep you in the loop!
Xxxx RAOK
The Claire weekes thing doesn't work for everyone. But it does have success for some people.
The nervous system works in the same way for everyone. Claire Weekes' method can work for everyone but some give up, it's too much like hard work, they expect instant fixes, you know, magic wand cures. They do not have the persistance to practice. So they fall by the wayside and blame the method.
I would recommend her first book which really says everything about her acceptance method. I think you are in the U.S. where that book is titled 'Hope and help for your nerves', in the U.K. the same book is titled 'Self help for your nerves'.
You can pick a copy up on Amazon new or used for just a few £$.
It is devoid of complex medical terms, you feel she knows you and is talking personally to you and you will recognise yourself in its pages.
It brings understanding, reassurance and a recovery plan. She died 25 years ago at a good age but her books continue to sell well.
Have to disagree. It’s not a thing. Anyone can recover from anxiety if they understand how it manifests itself and that trying anything not to feel the symptoms has the opposite effect. Briefly, anxiety is caused by sensitisation of the nerves. Too much stress followed by fear and bewilderment of the stmptoms of stress creates a vicious cycle of fear-adrenalin-fear. Because you fear the symptoms of anxiety, you produce more fear which produces more anxiety.
To break this cycle, sufferers have to literally step out the way of themselves and allow the anxiety to do its thing without putting up any resistance. By not fighting it, your mind and body has the chance to heal naturally. The same way the body is able to heal itself after a trauma. It isn’t a method, it isn’t a technique. It’s a natural physiological process which will fix the mind and body, once sufferers stop fighting it and start accepting it.
Reading the books Jeff mentioned never cured anybody. It’s putting into practice what you learn by reading those books is what brings about cure but you have to do it yourself, with no half measures. Put it simply, you must feel the feelings of fear and do it anyway. And keep on doing it until the brain decides that there is nothing to fear and switches off the fight or flight mechanism which pumps the body full of adrenalin.
Thank you. My mind constantly races about what ifs. I beat this before when I was 21, so I am sure I will succeed again. Glad to have found this support group. Others understand my problems.
Want some simple advice to beat anxiety? Change your reaction to those anxious thoughts from “what if?” to “So f**king what!” If you respect those thoughts and have belief in them, they hang around. Lose your respect for those anxious thoughts and they will disappear. They are only thoughts created by your anxious mind, energy passing through which needs to be released which is why allowing them to come and doing nothing about them works. Those thoughts won’t be there when you recover so let them go.
What you and others have written about the ‘ so f**king what method’ 😝 is so helpful to me right now. I even think it has helped me edge a little closer to a decision to take more leave from work (see my post above, sorry it’s so long!!)
You're right, Beevee. I think the problem of recovering from anxiety disorder is that you have to do the very opposite of what we normally do to solve a problem. Normally our instinct is to fight and that works for everything - except for anxiety. Fight anxiety and it only causes more stress and tension. That's the last thing sensitised nerves need.
Instead we have to train ourselves to accept the symptoms, even panic attacks, but only for the time being. We have to agree to co-exist with the symptoms, surrender to them.
That's the way to reduce fear and adrenaline, that and the understanding that these symptoms are toothless tigers: they make you feel bad but they are not real physical illnesses, they are fake illnesses dreamt up by our malfunctioning nervous system. The success of acceptance is that you cannot both fear something and accept it at the same time. So acceptance spells the end of fear and the end of fear allows our nervous system to recover.
But accepting, even though it's just for the moment, goes against our natural instincts to FIGHT to solve a problem.
We win not by the punches we give but by the punches we take.
Spot on Jeff and can be summed up in one sentence which I read in a book by Paul David called At Last a Life who recovered by following the exact same principles (acceptance) published by Dr Claire Weekes.
“You won’t get better until you STOP TRYING to get better.”
Once an anxiety sufferer understands what this means and be able to observe their anxiety with curiosity instead of fear the symptoms and getting involved with it, they are on the way to recovering.
I can relate, my mom had came from the hospital, it took a month of so before I went to see her. I talk myself out of leaving the house, get my kids to run errands for me. Even retired early from my job because my attendance was so bad that I was close to being terminated because of my anxiety. I've been suffering off and on for about 36 years? I was doing good for almost 3 weeks. Just came back from Vegas, but spent more time in the room. I get scared of being out and getting an anxiety attack, it has happened a couple of times. I was out today had a BAD stomach ache from my anxiety, I can barely eat sometimes when I'm having anxiety. I see a psychiatrist about once a month all I can afford.
It doesn’t cost a bean to recover from anxiety. Just knowledge and understanding of what is happening to your mind and body (and why) which takes away some of the fear you keep adding to the situation and keeps the whole anxiety show going. The rest is up to you in terms of facing up to the fearful thoughts that your anxious mind has created. Thoughts magnified ten fold by anxiety and the sufferer tricked into placing a false importance and belief into them. But guess what? If you continually face up to those fears, putting yourself into those places or situations you fear, your brain will stop sending messages to the adrenal glands that pump you full of stuff that makes you want to run, hide or fight. Panic attacks are just surges of energy designed to make you react in the way i have just described and perfectly natural under the circumstances ( it’s just trying to protect you from perceived danger) created by an overly anxious mind. You have anxiety so you have anxious thoughts. But guess what? If you continually put yourself in those places or situations you fear and face the inevitable internal storm that comes, allowing yourself to feel everything and not running away, not avoiding, not suppressing any of it, you will recover. Those storms will eventually pass and lose their strength and eventually die away completely. Let’s face it, it isn’t the outdoors you fear, it’s the symptoms of anxiety you fear the most. You worry you might have a panic attack if you go out so you don’t go. Why let a false thought or feeling dictate your life? My advice is always the same. Go out, regardless of how you are feeling and take the anxiety with you. Learn not to care so much about the thoughts and feelings and make your life bigger than anxiety. It will eventually get bored and leave because it will learn that you don’t need protecting.
I look forward to reading all of these wonderful responses that are telling me I am not alone. I worked at an office but had terrible panic attacks driving home and my editing and tutoring students online started to show I could not concentrate. One day I said this job can be done online at home—so 🤷♀️. I’m staying home to work. Don’t believe boss approves, but I’ve been doing it for three years now.
I know the feeling nd have to make sure I go out at least every other day. I count the garden as going out.A few steps outside help to lower the stress .It's a case of little and often.
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Breathe, hopefully some of that stress weighing heavy on your shoulders is relieved. I stand behind your decision. My best to you x
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