I'm 18 and three weeks ago I had my first surgery. It was a PAO (hip reconstruction) so it was pretty major. Physically I've healed amazingly well, I was only in hospital for three days (whereas the average is 7) and I've hardly experience any pain from the surgery at all. The only thing I struggle with was not feeling hungry (therefore I didn't eat for four days as I couldn't eat before the surgery) and I wasn't thirsty at all. So the only thing that filled my stomach/that was in my stomach was very strong medication. On one of the days I was in hospital and the first day I actually tried to eat something, my body completely rejected the food (it was only salad) and I was sick. Except nothing came up as I hadn't eaten. I'm so scared of vomiting it triggered a panic attack the next day and the same thing happened.
But ever since I came out of hospital, I've struggled hugely with anxiety. I'm an anxious person anyway, but at the moment I am REALLY struggling. I went out in the car with my mum a week ago whilst she had to do some shopping, and because I can't walk very far right now I had to wait in the car. But the whole time I was waiting I was panicking.
Everyday I worry. I'm so nervous and anxious and it is ruining everything. At the moment I can't even go outside my own front door without getting nervous. Sometimes I have to stop eating during meals because I suddenly feel anxious. I can't go outside or be without my Mum and it's utterly pathetic.
I've dealt with anxiety for years but I feel like this is the worst it's ever been. I know all the natural remedies; the breathing techniques, the relaxation stuff, everything, but I can't get out of the "what if this happens" mindset.
I don't know what to do at the moment. I stay up all night so I can sleep through the day and avoid certain time periods. I'm trying so hard to get myself out of this bubble but I can't and I don't know what to do anymore.