Need some closure

[Rachms11]

Hey everyone, im 24 and my boyfriend of 8 months just broke up with me out of the blue 10 days ago. i suffer from anxiety and depression. so this is going to be harder than normal. his dad has had a major operation on his brain to remove cancer. all went successfully. but im hurting cuz he wont give me a proper reason or explanation on why he did this to me when we were so happy. he even talked about us getting married. only the week before he dumped me! and he said it has nothing to do with his dad. i just dont understand and its really making me upset and i cant cope. i told him he was the one for me and he said the same so how can he just change like that?

[Agora1]

Rachms11, we will never know what makes people do the hurtful things they do. I feel this has nothing to do with you but more about his dad's serious medical issue right now. It may be a rude awakening to him that his dad may not be out of the woods yet and wants to give his all to him. If you really love him and know that he loves you, give him the space he needs right now to deal with his own fears. If it's meant to be, he will come back. As for your anxiety and depression, it may take you talking with a therapist over the breakup. Even your doctor should you need some med to help you over this hump. You can't control what he does but you can control your emotions and your thoughts. Stay well.

[Rachms11 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you xx he was a little bit different with me before he got the news about his dad but i know he was very run down with working. and i think he could be close to having a stress attack. but i asked him and said would he still do this to me if his dad was well and he said yes. and cuz he doesnt want to feel like this in a year or twos time. do u think he just got scared? or decided he cant go on with me cuz it was all a lie? its breaking my heart to not contact him.

[Rachms11 in reply to Rachms11]

and he said to me 4 days ago when i asked him if he ever wants to try again and he said yea for sure. but i dont want to believe that cuz he wasnt made any effort to reconcile.

[Agora1 in reply to Rachms11]

It's interesting that hearing your response doesn't make it sound like it's all about his dad. It may be a number of things, one being his work and possibly he did get scared. I think women are always more ready to settle down then men. The fact that he told you just 4 days ago that he'd wants to try again may mean he is just not ready to commit at this time. He may love you very much but just the idea of a lifetime commitment scares him. I still say keep an open communication with him and see where it goes. I wish you well dear.

[Rachms11 in reply to Agora1]

thanks very much. hes had a bad run of relationships in the past so he might be scared. should i no contact him for awhile now? i texted him yesterday and we were meant to meet up to talk but he didnt get back til late from being away. and then he asked what i had been up to etc. but didnt answer when i asked where we stood at? ;/

[Agora1 in reply to Rachms11]

Of course that is totally up to you whether to contact him or not. When I read it, little red flags are going up. The fact he didn't answer your question as to where you both stood at this time, probably means he doesn't have an answer and wants to avoid the question. Gee, I sure wish you well, I know it hurts.

[Sfqueen]

I know the feeling, but what's meant to be will be no matter what give him his space don't contact him. Take this time to focus on you!!!! ❤️🙏🏽

[Rachms11 in reply to Sfqueen]

thank you. but if i dont contact him wont he think im over him and dont want to try again?

[Sfqueen in reply to Rachms11]

No because you are giving him space he will probably contact you trying to figure out why haven't you contact him you will see. Stay positive and strong.

[Rachms11 in reply to Sfqueen]

Thank you. Ill try my best. So hard when I dont have a job at the moment either and could run into him anywhere in town... i love him and put everything i had into him. its killing me that this is happening ;(

[Sfqueen]

Sweetheart I know what you mean but sometimes that's the problem we focus to much and invest too much on someonelse when we should be focusing on ourself. It's been 5 months me and my ex broke up. And we are not trying to work things out, but in order to do that I have to get better and be happy on my own, I always thought I need him to be happy and when I had him I wasn't because something was missing inside of me and I am finding myself God and most importantly loving myself or at least trying with my OCD

[Rachms11 in reply to Sfqueen]

I just went through a really sad break up may last year with someone i was with for 3 and abit years. we were engaged for nearly six months but when we moved in together it felt wrong. it really changed me and broke me and took many months to feel human again. i was having anxiety attacks and had severe depression. i thought about taking my own life sometimes. And i moved to another town and got a new job and started over and then 6 months later i met Luke (the ex) and thought the next guy i go with will be it. will the the last one. and i loved him so much. we had evetythinh in common but i think he cant committ. just hurts when he talked about getting married to me in 2 years. then i get dropped out of the blue

[Sfqueen in reply to Rachms11]

I know sweetheart but there's more to life! There's going to be how one guy that is praying to find you. You will see I promise you !

[Rachms11 in reply to Sfqueen]

Thank you x ive just never had someone do this to me before thats all.

[Sfqueen in reply to Rachms11]

I know but I promise you if he loves you he will come back!

[Brumchick]

100% certain that if he loves you he will come back.I had the ame thing happen to me once,literally an overnight change of heart all because he had a very dominant Mother.We were young (21) and i thought everything that you have thought.He never did come back and once i could stand back from it a bit i could see that i was better off without him,It proved to be the best move ever made as it allowed me to find a kind man with more maturty and backbone.We have been happily married now for 20 years.Im very ill with severe fibro and very severe M.E. And ive been bedbound now nearly 10 years.He has never once wanted out ,he loves me without reservation and im so glad that i allowed myself to take a chance on him having previously forsworn off men forever lol.The important thing is to look after you.Perhaps access some councelling and speak with yur G.P if things really become unbearable.The amazing thing about the heart is that it heals and allows you to love again...really.! i hope that you take solice in the old saying,if hes for you ,he wont walk by you.and just try to do things that make you happy. Until the obsessive thoughts and pain ,lessens.Never sell yourself short,i did it 3 times and as soon as i stood up for myself i attracted equally strong fair minded decent Men.Good luck and take care.( please excuse the typing,i typed quick as backlight hurts my eyes.)

[Rachms11 in reply to Brumchick]

Thank you so much xx it gives me hope ill be ok either way.im not sure he will come back but i hope things will get better. xx

[JP1954]

Whatever his reason it is his reason so don't analyse. Move on. It could be that his father's condition affected him more than you thought. Perhaps he is analysing his life, where he is at the moment. Whatever it is it is his decision. I don't know whether you are still trying to contact him or not to try to get "to the bottom of his reasoning" but believe me if he is not forthcoming then he is not the person for you. All relationships should be honest and open, let him sort himself out. The more you chase the more it drives him away. If it is to be then it will happen all by itself.

Best regards

JP

[Rachms11 in reply to JP1954]

Thanks for your reply