Anxiety in my relationship

Hi, I'm a 21 year old woman who had been suffering with depression and anxiety for a good 10 months or so now. It's all stemmed from my mum leaving my dad unexpectedly and we found out she had been cheating on him with another man. This came as a massive shock as I never thought in a million years that would happen.

Yes it's hurt me a lot but since this time my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years has really suffered. It's like I have this overwhelming fear of being cheated on. I've been treated badly in the past and cheated on before which may play a role, but I'm in a relationship now where I haven't been cheated on but it's like I'm constantly on edge over thinking anything he has said or done. I've even Started obsessing over girls in his past who have nothing to do with me comparing myself making myself feel rubbish and thinking why is he with me when he's been out with girls like that etc. I really do put my self down my self esteem is dreadful

I also have been asking him a lot of questions to do with his past and other girls with I can see now he is getting fed up with.

Also, at the start of our relationship he had these 2 girls try to speak to him and he told me at the time he ignored them both. Well I found a conversation with one of these girls from back then and actually he was saying she was fit and should meet up etc. So obviously that makes me think we'll how do i believe he didn't speak to the other girl then? Baring in mind the girl who I don't know about he had slept with before anyway

How do I let all this go? How do I stop beign bothered about the past and focus on now? I mean our relationship has Come a long way since then and I know he wouldn't do anything like that now so how do I let go of stuff in the past and be happy in the present? I get so anxious thinking about things I can't change or over thinking situations or making up situations in my head that will hurt me. It's like I'm anticipating pain. It's the most prominent thing on my mind every day and I can't carry on living like that. It's like this ocd fear of being cheated on or being hurt and the fear of the Unknown. It makes me so unhappy. How do I move on and enjoy now rather than dwell and get upset over what ifs and overthinking? 😔

1 Reply

  • Hello

    Relationships can be one of the hardest things to deal with in life even though when we can they can be very rewarding to :-)

    You are young and it is only with time and going through experiences and yes some may hurt but it is how we learn how to deal with situations in the future

    It must have been so painful as well the experience with your parents and must have had a bad effect on you and added to your insecurities but you and only you will have to work on this because you will damage the relationship you have now if not

    Remember you and your BF are not your Mum and Dad

    Also NO relationship as you have witnessed because of your Mum & Dad comes with a guarantee we have to learn how to love unconditionally and trust unless we are proved there is evidence that we should stop trusting and by that I mean facts not what our minds create through insecurity

    You could spend the rest of your life worrying over something that might happen and be miserable to get to the end realizing it did not happen or you could enjoy what you have and if the worse scenario did happen then he was not the person you thought he was anyway and the person that you were in love with never existed so if you could look at it that way you would have lost nothing !

    Try and sit him down and talk to him about how you feel and ask for his support , I am sure he will do his best and at the same time remember he can only do so much you have to meet him half way :-)

    Enjoy what you have now as we do not have a crystal ball that tells us the future ( good job maybe :-/ )

    Take Care x

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