Always been a worrier, but this year has definitely been the worst. My second kid was born this year, so maybe the fact that my responsibilities have increased and I have a growing family to support has kicked up my anxiety. But, I thought it would be nice for other health worriers to see how many diseases I've thought I've had in a five month stint, to see that maybe there are others out there who constantly worry.
This all really started in November of 2015 for me-so lets start there. Also, each of these worries sent me to the Dr. for diagnosis to be sure I was ok. Trust me on that-I'm still paying off the medical bills.
November: Quit smoking and breath felt a little off due to it. Thought I had lung cancer, COPD, or a clot in my lungs.
December: Heart disease or a pulmonary embolism.
January: Schizoprenia, Bi-Polar disorder. Multiple Personalites or hearing voices. Mania.
February: Cystic Fibrosis. CTEPH. Blood Clots. Nerve Damage
March: Brain Tumor. Lung Cancer (again). MS
April: Parkinson's Disease. Cancer, MS, Carpal Tunnel.
So far, all the Dr's have reported me as healthy. That's after an MRI, Chest X-Ray, Ultra-sound, Stress Test, Nuclear Test, ER Visit, Blood Taken, Spirometry Test, EKG, Blood Pressure Monitoring, CAT scan, GP Visit, Urgent Care Visit, and two specialists.
I'm telling you this people because it's absurd. I've spent month's of my life worrying about any disease I can concoct symptoms for. My anxiety was (and still is in some ways) so powerful that I created symptoms that were very real. Vomiting, Diarrhea, Constant Coughing, Shaking, Elevated Heart Rate, High Blood Pressure, Confusion, Depression, Crying, Suicidal Thoughts, Headaches, Nausea, Sweating...anything I read that could be a symptom I created only a few days later. Magical thing is after the DR told me that I didn't have whatever I thought I had the symptoms would go away. But, after a few days of relief I would create another disease and on would come more symptoms.
Through all of this I was, and still am, left exhausted. Mentally drained from constant fear of the unknown, terrified of the what-if. All that time, five months gone..and very little living was done in that period-just constantly consumed with death and despair.
If this is similar to you in any way, take comfort knowing you're not alone. In many ways you I admire you because I understand the daily struggle it takes just to pretend to be living. It will get better, I know this because I look at my list and laugh at myself for the absurdity of it. There's enough diseases there to kill a village, and I legitimately thought I had them all at one point. If you're fighting anxiety, keep it up. You'll win the battle. Give yourself permission to live again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Best of luck and take care.