This is hard to talk and complicated about so please bare with me ....
Ive recently split up with my boyfriend of 9 years because for the last 2 years he has been unemployed due to him walking out and he feels as if this has caused him to be depressed but now he has a job it has subsided, he said that if anyone know what depression should feel like its me and I said hold on I was severally depressed because of a combination of my TBI, school bulling and verbal abuse from my alcoholic mother so I needed medication to get out of it, I don't believe that his getting a job has cleared the depression as I don't feel that's how it works, depression will stay with you no matter what your situation. I told him I feel a lot of pressure in our relationship because he would never go out and his world revolved around me and if I went out with friends (not that I have many) it would get him down, he never asks me about work or how my life is going as it reminds him of what he did have, since Ive been apart from him for a month I feel as if a weight has lifted off me and Im away from all that negativity as he was making ME depressed (I dreaded going down his house) but he wont leave me alone, he wants to try and see if we will work now he has a job and its not down to him being unemployed, I told him I don't love him and he deserves to be with someone who loves him which isn't me (and I deserve the to be with someone who I love) I am having some much fun being carefree and single, he claims he never put any restrictions on our relationship but asking me to dye my hair and get a 6 pack is a restriction and he originally said it was to spice up our sex life but I beg to differ, he is just realising all the stuff I have been screaming about that is wrong with our relationship for months like we don't go out etc he claims it because he didn't have the money but he had it for drugs and he has admitted that it was wrong of him to hold things against me like I owe him for helping me with my depression or calling people up on my behalf..... I feel as if he it just saying all of these things to win me back but it isn't going to work, its messing me up mentally, it is more complex but I don't have the energy to write it all out of talk about it as the conversations are long and they are the last thing I can focus on after a hard day at work, I cant be bother with it any more.
Am I being too harsh?
I know its my life and no one can tell me what to do but it feels like he is manipulating me to stay with him.
I want to change my number but for some reason I want to be able to talk to him even though 3/4 of me doesn't, I know its his issue to get over me as I have spent many months in the relationship being neglected and unloved so Ive been over him for a long time
What have other people done in this situation?
*edit* he also thinks that any more time apart will do no good but again I beg to differ as having a month apart from him (even though he has been harassing me) has helped me clear my head and distress and I think we do need more time apart but I can put money on it that he sill disagree