Anxiety, depression and their effects on relationships

Hi everyone, I am a 21 year old woman going through a really tough time at the moment. 

I found out this week I may never be able to have children, I have severe IBS to the point where I can't eat without rushing to the toilet with diarrhea, had a terrible car accident 2 months ago and am in quite a bit of debt. Depression and anxiety rule my life at the moment. I used to be so fun and loud and crazy and outgoing. Now, most days, I stay in, avoid going outdoors like the plague and hate any form of human contact, it makes me squirm. 

I have the most lovely boyfriend in the world. He has aspergers syndrome but is absolutely beautiful inside and out. He does everything for me. He is so understanding, so caring and loving. 

Yet I push him away. I don't know why, I have my days where I'm really really clingy and I feel as though I love him so much and that I never want him to leave my side, and I have other days where I don't want him in my sight because he can be quite overbearing. We've been together nearly 2 years and he has recently been talking about marriage. On my good days (days where my anxiety and depression is not as bad) I'm like yeah, lets get married tomorrow! haha. And then on my days where I feel low, I think "The last thing I wanna do is get married to you". Arghh it's driving me crazy!

When I'm happy, I know I love him with all my heart. And when I'm sad, I question every part of my life, including him. I don't wanna miss out on a good guy, because I've been with horrible men all my life, I've been cheated on, abused etc. and now I finally have the "perfect" man and I feel like I don't know how to act! He works hard, he buys me gifts (it's not all about that, I know), he has goals and dreams, he is funny, handsome, etc. so why am I doubting him? We're really good together and when I'm happy, our relationship is soooo good! But when I'm having my down days I'm literally all over the place and sort of push him out :( 

I don't want to be like this! He deserves a really good girlfriend because he's an amazing person! 

Does anybody else act like this with their anxiety or am I just an ungrateful sod? 

Please be honest! 

Thank you for your time xx

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  • Hello

    I am so sorry when I see anyone post that is suffering with anxiety and even more so when someone is so young 

    I think maybe because when I first started with anxiety I was young but unlike now you never spoke about it and there was neither much help or understanding like there is now if you find the right support and I would urge you because support is there and sounds like you would really benefit from some even if you have had some before to speak to your Doctor and see what they can refer you for , some counselling could really benefit you 

    I am sorry that you have been told you may never have children , I am not sure why this is and as most young women this is something when we are little that we dream of , a nice young man , marriage maybe and children so this must have come as a blow 

    But you are still very young and many have been told they cannot have children to later in life find they are pregnant and this one day could be the case for you but again you are still so very young with lots do do before you start to think about family because once you do have a family life is never the same as you have someone else that has to come first and at the moment with your problems you need to be putting yourself first 

    Also later in life there is no reason you cannot look at different options and still for-fill if it is a desire to be a Mum but I would put this on the back burner for now as we say 

    Your relationship , he sounds lovely and yes I can see you do love him but when we have anxiety and we feel low we hardly think much about ourselves , everything and everyone can irritate us  , we feel we want to push everyone away , we doubt everything including our relationships we have with others and no doubt this is what keeps happening with yourself but the main thing is you seem to recognize that these thoughts and feelings are when you feel down , if you said you felt this way when you are feeling ok then that would be different 

    I know we always think someone can do better than us but remember people have minds of their own and they make their own decisions and he is more than capable of doing that and he has chosen to be with you and you have to allow him to make those choices and because you are feeling down at times don't think you know what is best for him only he knows that :-)

    I would go and be open and honest with my Doctor , get the support you need and deserve because life does get better beyond anxiety :-)

    Take Care x

  • Hi there

    You are certainly not an ungrateful sod, you have just been through some bloody tough times! I am exactly the same in that I push my new boyfriend away. It's because I am so scared of getting hurt after being in an abusive marriage; it's almost as if I am testing him. So no, you are not alone. I can be so unintentionally bitchy to him, and I don't mean to be, it's almost a defence mechanism of great makes any sense? 

    You sound a lovely person with a very mature head on your shoulders. My brother has Aspergers so I know what challenges this in itself can present, but it sounds as if you love your man unconditionally and he does you. Come what may. It sounds as if you are made for each other and I wish you all of the luck in the world.

    Do let me know if I can be of any more help as I understand both Asperger's and anxiety both pretty well!

    L xx

  • Girl I always do this! haha you sound like me! when my anxiety gets up I question everythign and I have the most amazing man in the world and when i love him i love him dearly and when my anxiety comes up I freak out. I have had my parents divorce when I was younger and I ran from every relationship possible and so my anxeity has built up a wall for me for a fear of abandonment and a fear of someone leaving me so it looks for things wrong to build that wall so Idon't get close.

    Talk to him it helps so much! My boyfriend is so amazing listening and talking to me about it all and it helps! I also go to a therapist too to talk it out. I think there is fear of abandonment there with you too that you aren't good enough in a sense but you are!

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