I've had a very traumatic childhood. watching my parents get arrested 2+ times. seeing them abuse drugs and watching them endanger their lives. It's ruined my life psychologically. Im constantly in fear of something bad happening.
im afraid of dying. so so terrified that i lie awake at night contemplating the "What ifs" and i worry about my health 24/7. Im hypoglycemic and i always am terrified that my blood sugar is low. I have trouble sleeping . my sleep routine is so messed up. 3am-2pm. And I'm just really frustrated and i don't know what to do.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 19th . and I'm hoping it goes well.
Im just really tired of FEAR and WORRY and ANXIETY. It's become all i am.
I also deal with panic attacks too. Sometimes even going to work is difficult. depression is hard too. due to the fact I'm sleeping oddly and not seeing a lot of daylight or just worrying about my parents. I miss them so much. it's been 2 years.
Im pretty sure my traumatic childhood is the cause to all of this. and I'm believing now that I'm dealing with some Depersonalization too.
I just want to live my life and be happy with the live I've been given. I don't want to spend my life dreading everything and being in fear.
Hi. What a dreadful time you must have had. You have already made the connection between what happened in childhood and your circumstances of today. Added to that are your own medical needs. However, you mention going to work, and that indicates you are holding on to things quite well.
After I qualified as a therapist some years ago, I worked in a small psychotherapuetic unit which specialised in the treatment of adults who had had a traumatic childhood. Oe of the worst responses I heard from a relative of one of the clients was ' he is an adult now and should get on with his life'. Needlesstosay, I was shocked at such a lack of empathy or even basic understanding of the lasting effects of childhood trauma. At the core of the treatment was a range of therapies - one size does not fit all. And therapy is my advice in your situation. Your physical needs will be attended to with no problem, but it is sometimes more difficult to get help with psychological or emotional illness.
You might ask your doctor about being referred to a therapist - I say therapist, and not psychiatrist, deliberately. I find that psychiatrists, who are medical doctors with specialist training, can sometimes focus too much on the medical side of things in terms of just reaching for medication as a response to difficult emotional situations. Others might disagree with that - but that is my experience. I hope that you get the help you need and willl be able to overcome your difficulties.
Karl