I am not understanding what's going on, please help

I feel my heart as heavy, sometimes a slight pain at the left upper side of chest. I feel as if am totally weak, feverish, even breathing becomes painful at that time. I would feel like crying out and tears would start flowing continuously making me feel I should hurt myself to get over all this pain. If I hurt myself like cutting slightly using blade or choking myself tying cloth around my neck, I get relieved. Most of the time I end up sleeping crying for hours feeling so weak as if am not able to move. But the fact is even if I feel all this weakness I would be able to move, its as if my mind tells am so weak and is going to get paralyzed. During this events my body temperature also decreases considerably, especially my wrists will become cold.

All these happens when I remember or someone reminds me about my past in which my friend whom I trusted a lot disappeared with the money and gold which I gave to help him without telling my parents. Its going to be 2 years since all this happened. One year back I had thought seriously about suicide, but backed off as I told truth to my parents. But few days back the friend again came in contact and told he will give back things and kept on postponing ending up in his disappearance again.

I did many crazy things after he did this to me which make me feel guilty now also as I thought I would end my life but I am still living. All this make me feel bad whenever I remember my past. I am not able to get over that no matter how much I try, and am afraid whether at some point of time I would lose control over myself. I want to know actually whats going on with me. My family has medical background, so even if am not in that field I can understand things well and get out of it if I comes to know what's wrong.

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  • This is a complex problem. I am so sorry you are suffering!! Please share with your family and also see if you can find a therapist. This may be too big for you to solve on your own. I don't know if you are spiritual, but also pray for help. It may not seem like it comes right away, but it will.

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