My mom is one of those judgmental and close minded people. She adopted me at an old age. she is so negative towards me and even my dsd has to tell her to stop acting obnoxious to me. She says very rude things to me like "normal people don't go to therapists". Honestly, that doesn't make sense. She brings up my weight when I'm in good shape. She's just very very stressful. She thinks I'm bad if I accept something she doesn't. I plan on moving out in 6-8 months. Any advice?

4 Replies

  • Do you have a lot of contact with her?

    What helps you feel protected?

    I can empathise, my parents had similar patterns, which, yep, therapy has helped me to kind of neutralise in the relationship.

  • Hello

    Not sure if it is your Mum's age that makes her make comments as she does or that just some people are like that , their personality which we cannot change and as hurtful as it can be when they make these comments what we have to try and do is tell ourselves they probably are never going to change but we can

    I am sure deep down she doesn't mean to be hurtful but she seems clumsy with words and at least you have your Dad who seems to hear what you hear and empathize with you try & take comfort from that , I wonder with your Dad been so understanding if your Mum may or has been the same way towards him and that is why he can empathize with you ?

    Have you sat and spoken to your Dad about how Mum makes you feel ?

    He may have some suggestions how to deal with the situation for the best as he will know her better than anyone else

    You have your therapist you can discuss this with which must be a help and stay focused best you can because if you are moving out soon this is not forever and there is a light at the end of the tunnel and who know's once you have moved out you may get on better with your Mum but even if not you will have your own space x

  • It's so hurtful when those closest to us do not or will not understand. It will be great to get your own space. Maybe seeing less of each other will bring you closer together. I get on best with my family when we all live miles apart, although as I've gotten older I miss them a lot more.

    Make sure you have a good support network when you do make the move. And I hope your parents come to understand what's going on for you, and help.

  • Has your mom always been that way toward you or is this something new. Maybe you could have a heart to heart with your mom so you both can talk about this situation. Have you talked to your therapist about this. If your mom is reluctant, you could enlist your dad's help. Family is important and sometimes because of our anxiety, we tend to think negative thoughts about things. That's why I think it is important for both of you to talk. It is important for all of us to think of others. We don't know what they are feeling or going through unless we ask and really care about their welfare. I really hope you and your mom can work this out.

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