State of confusion

Having survived 2 heart attacks in January, I found this site and still come every day to read other people's stories and maybe help if I can. However, I now may or may not have an additional health issue. Before my heart attacks I had a period of a few weeks where I felt some slight dizziness every day. It was not debilitating in any way and so I ignored it, putting it down to being over tired. Since the heart attacks the dizziness has increased to sometimes quite severe levels. The cardiologist has done various heart tests and found nothing. Yesterday I spoke with my doctor. He shocked me by saying he thought I had a 'neurological problem', and is arranging a head scan. I seem to have convinced myself that I have a tumor and will be dying soon. I dont really have any strong symptoms of a tumor except the dizzness, but I cant think what else it might be. I know I should wait for the scan, but I am still getting over the shock of the heart attacks coming from nowhere, which makes me almost neurotic about my health now. The old fears from January are back - not wanting to sleep because I think I will die if I do, trying to find symptoms of a tumor, the cycle of acceptance and denial of impending death. I feel like I am torturing myself, but don't know how to stop.

[Whizz4]

Oh I feel for you I really do , its horrible to feel this fear.. I'm always worrying about my heart or thinking there's something wrong with it , so can't imagine what u must be going through.. It does so like it could be anxiety- stress giving you these dizziness spells which are very frightening but with a tumor you'd be having bad migraines and blurred vision with it so maybe your doctor is just doing this test for your own piece mind, which is good as I'm sure everything will be fine and then you can move on from it and just realize its anxiety it can have so many different symptoms, good luck!!

[Whizz4 in reply to Whizz4]

Oh and don't Google , I've stopped myself as it make me feel so much worse

[Hidden in reply to Whizz4]

Thank you. I am sure you know that part of the problem is that we need people to talk with. I already discovered that those closest to us are unable to deal with the illness, real or imagined. So we get left with our own thoughts and, of course, the internet to look up things on. MY emotions are up and down right now - one minute I see my own death coming very qyuickly, and the next I am trying to convince myself that I dont have the right symptoms for a brain tumor. Its true I dont have headaches, but I do have difficulty with balance and occasional blurred vision. But that might be something else - this is an example of my emotional state at the moment - all over the place.

[Whizz4 in reply to Hidden]

If you don't mind he asking, how old are you?? I know when my father had heart problems and then heart surgery he got good support in hospital they set out a diets exercise plan and it helped him , I know we don't want to talk to people close to us as we feel a burden, but you might be surprised I think my dad felt he has to be strong didn't want us to see him frightened but its OK to have a wobble once in a while !

[Whizz4 in reply to Whizz4]

But the off balance blurred vision I get it ??? Do I worry sometimes but then deep down I know I'm doing it myself the same when my heart is racing feeling dizzy sick you name it , but because you've already had TWO health scares your going to be extra sensitive to these symptoms..

[Hidden in reply to Whizz4]

I am 56 and male . My name is David by the way. The hospital cardiac rehabilitation programme people have been waiting to see what the tests show before offering me a place on their exercise programme as the dizziness became quite bad about 2 weeks after I left hospital. I am not a father, dont even have a partner. Night time is my nightmare time. As soon as the sun starts to set the feeling comes of preparing to survive till morning again. I do try distraction techniques, and they work for a short time. But the visit to the doc yesterday trumps everything for the moment it seems. I am a psychotherapist, so I am quite surprised that I dont have more of a handle on my feelings.

[Whizz4 in reply to Hidden]

Okay you say you had your heart attacks in January, its a pity its taking them so long to get this sorted I think the rehabilitation will do you good , my father was sent to like a relaxation sessions in the hospital got a get CD to listen to at night "because like you he use to panic at night ended up back in A&E twice because he thought he was dying " and he found it great really relaxed him then the exercise all so helped great , I now know where my fears of heart problems come from but David I'm sure you will be fine . have you ever read books on anxiety?? There's a brilliant one out on amazon I read it at night before bed and it helps me relax , its called 'dare' it explains all the symptoms and its very reassuring , I hope your tests go well and you won't have to wait to long before you get back on track again .

[Hidden in reply to Whizz4]

Thank you for taking the time to write to me - you are very patient As for reading - I find it hard to concentrate at the moment. I have read various things on the web sites and also followed the advice I would give to others who came to me as clients. My speciality is in cognitive behaviour therapy - so I should be able to help myself more than I seem to be able to do right now. I will go and try to relax for a while now and hopefully get a little sleep. Thank you again.