Anxiety & intimacy. Let's tlk :))))) only 18+ topic . Not any graphic content but subject topic 18+

Hi

I wanted to know if you guys avoid being intimate if you are in a relationship or even dating , because your anxiety would act up or you get anxious at the thought of it. I currently don't have issues with being intimate with someone , but I observed that I prefer things to go a certain way , so I don't get that anxious afterwards. Sometimes , it actually assists in reliving my panic issues but most occasions it annoys me afterwards lol. Also, me & "adult props" ...eh some I could deal with , others rev up the anxiety. :/ it sucks. But yeah , anyone in a similar thing as me or if not , what have you done/ what are you doing to relieve any stress then you're able to enjoy being intimate with your partner or whomever you're comfortable with being intimate with. 👀😕😊🙊🙊 don't be that shy guys lol ..k discuss :))

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  • I think possibly the secret is in the fact you don't get anxious at the time, so just go with it. Tbh most of my anxiety attacks happen when my mind isn't occupied, i cant think of a time when i have had an attack when i have been busy or active, though i am married and have been for 28 years so i may not be the best to offer advice here.

  • Oh that's fine ..that bit of advice was useful 😊😊 . Lol

  • I personally stay away from dating and having sex but i am suffering from depression as well as anxiety it could be because off that or the fact i still have feelings for my ex girlfriend and seeing as this was the reason i ended it with her (i felt i had to because i didn't want her being with me while I'm like this as i tend to snap at those closest to me) i feel like i would have stabbed her right in the back if i even think about dating someone else or getting intimate with another girl

  • Oh I see. :/ that sucks. Yeah anxiety definitely makes me insecure when it comes to intimacy or even being in a relationship . I'm happy single, for now , because I learn various ways of managing my anxiety . I'm working on me , so yeah I get it. I definitely was acting ridiculous & I was snappy too. I wanted to split up before my partner had split up with me . I understand , but all the luck to you on finding ways to manage the anxiety , then you'll be able to enjoy love :)) . (Oh typo : meant to say "I am learning various ways of managing my anxiety ) ..but I hear ya..dating isn't my focus , single & loving me for now :))

  • It does suck because i know if i didn't feel like this I'd still be with her but like you said you have to take the time and focus on yourself and getting over it and i feel i couldn't do that in a relationship, it may have been selfish off me to end it with her but i felt it was the best thing to do for her. No one deserves to feel the backlash of anxiety & depression, i too am choosing to stay single until im either better or can come to live with it

  • Well to be embarrassingly honest I used to burst into tears and sob uncontrollably after intimacy with my former boyfriends. It definitely hurt our relationship as you can imagine. I would get flash backs of bad memories and just be consumed by them.

    In my present relationship I never had that problem. Well once on our first time kissing and getting warmed up per se- I stopped cold and asked him if we still could be friends. His reaction was unique to my other former relationships. He had a sincerely caring look on his face. And did not pressure me in continuing what we were doing. Just from kind reassuring words and look on his face I really felt he did care about me- even if I wasn't ready to go further at that time. When we said good-bye that night he hugged me tight and then looked into my eyes saying - you know I love you, right? Something about his sincerity and body language made me feel safe and I did believe him. Three years we are still together. And unlike every other sex partner I had- I never once had flash backs or inconsolable sobbing after intimacy. My partner even goes with me to my counselling sessions when I invite him to see my doctor with me. I think when you have a partner that really cares it makes a difference.

    And just to add a bit more of a dynamic to this equation. Two of my former boyfriends were raped as children by men. And they seemed to react extra cold to me dealing with my past with them at my side. So being from the same tragic circumstances does not necessary equal empathy and compassion.

  • Wow ! What a story. I appreciate you sharing that! I'm happy you found love. It's quite embarrassing having anxiety then finding someone who's comfortable with being with someone who has anxiety. It's been rough for me , but I'm learning how to deal & go on . I'm optimistic in finding love but for now , I'm busy loving me .

    But yes , that story is interesting & honest as ever ..I teared up a bit too so you aren't the only one :)

    I see, yeah I always thought that if someone experienced certain things in their past , they'd be empathetic , but like you're saying it's not always the case :/

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