Feeling a little lost atm.

[Beth93]

I've decided to try this as an attempt to vent so please forgive me if my issues are insignificant...

I've just finished my last year of university, of which I struggled with every aspect and I have recently started a new job. I was hoping to leave Uni with a sense of knowing and confidence towards life, but that's just not the case. My confidence has plummeted. I have no idea what I want to do in life..well, I know that I want to be a mother, and I want someone who loves me, but these things are out of my control and its something I'm really struggling with. Before I continue, you should know I am a person who would rather be called a fat cow by a partner than hun or babe. I am normally not an emotional person... I am single, I have been basically all my adult life. I have an incredible relationship with a friend of mine of whom I have loved for the past two years (please forgive how pathetic this sounds). It doesn't help that he is about to go to America for 7 months and I am left with not one person who I feel I can really talk to and who I trust fully, and I don't feel it is appropriate to let him know for fear that the rejection will just crush me. With regards to my new job, I have been there a week and I still feel constantly sick with anxiety. I have no appetite and even though I feel happy in my head to go to work, and I recognise these feelings as simply "being nervous" I feel incapable of reducing the physical symptoms of this anxiety. I am constantly finding myself asking "can I cope with what life and society expect of me?" I seem unable to see myself in the future in the position I want to be in, happy, and content. I have felt like this since about the age of 15. I just have attacks of dread and feelings of inability to cope, or even that I just don't want to. I don't know how to change my thought processes, how to enjoy the mystery of life and the future.. I know what I want, in an ideal world, and I know it is not achievable.. Basically, I was just wondering if people in a similar situation have felt like this? Is this normal for leaving Uni? And how the hell (as gushy as it sounds) do you get past the idea of knowing that you will never be with the person that makes you truly happy in life? Any thoughts, comments or suggestions to mack the hell up would be appreciated..Thanks.

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Hello

I think when you are young & life is just starting the world & the what if's seem so daunting

But no matter how old you are know one never knows what the future holds ( maybe a good job in some cases :-/) but the more we feel we want to control what happens the more fearful everything feels

It really sounds that your self worth is really low from some of the things you have said which is so sad & maybe this is something you felt from a young age but papered over the cracks rather than speaking about how you felt which now has continued into adult hood ....I think maybe speaking to your doctor & asking to be referred for some counselling would really help & I would think about going & having a chat with them & no your doctor will not judge you as this is more common than you may think it is , they will have heard it all before

Have you sat & thought , what is society , why is it so important that others accept you ?

I think we have to learn to accept ourselves & once we have & started to believe we are fine just the way we are than society & others stop been so important to us & we can go out there & hold our heads up knowing we are just as good as the next person & we are , anything or anybody that is worth your time will accept you & those that don't well you don't really need them in your life

Difficult one about your friend that you have feelings for , friendship can be more important than a relationship if you have a really good friend so can see why you would be apprehensive in spoiling this , however on the other side of looking at things he could possibly feel the same towards you but also be thinking he could spoil the friendship to

Have you ever started a conversation where you say something like I wonder what would have happened if we had ever been more than friends ?

Then you could see what his response was as you would say it lighthearted & if he said Oh no that would have never worked then you could save face & say yes that's exactly what I thought to but if he says something other well I am sure you are wise that you would pick up on it

You are young & life is like a book that keeps opening new chapters , try & make sure that every chapter has a happy ending x

[kitcat49]

To Beth93...I get the sence tht you are looking to someone else to fullfill you as a person and may have mistaken this as love ( I could be wrong). Perhaps you feel he can fix everything,look after you, make you feel safe and loved...."happy ever after"! ( I did that,married the guy and lived a very unhappy life for 33yrs,but that was me,this is you) You have already accomplished something amazing..University. That's huge ! And you've landed a job ! Don't you want to explore life,see what else you can do? Prove to yourself,everyday,what you are capable of(every little thing counts). Keep a journal,list your accomplishments every day before you go to bed.. Become your own person first,there'll be time enough for husband and family soon enough...And as for your friend.." If you love someone,set them free..."