Innocence lost

Does anyone else feel like their mental illnesses made them lose their innocence about life?

Having anxiety and depression stole me of eveyone I love, loved, enjoyed being around. It made me question all of my relationships. Be it family, lover and friends.

Made me doubt myself and lose all confidence.

A complete ego death.

I just dont find joy in anything anymore.

I feel like I am faking it, if I do feel happy.


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8 Replies

  • I know what you mean. Yes, the world is an uglier place now. Some very ugly realities have surfaced as if to say "You think life is so grand? Well I'LL show YOU! I'll suck all the JOY out of everything and everyone you've ever really liked or loved! NOTHING escapes my grasp! NOTHING is sacred!" Yep! That about wraps it up for me.

    Will you ever genuinely laugh again? Sure you will. What about love...will you ever love someone deeply ever again? Yes, you will, just not right away. After you've healed much more than you have right now. After much more counseling and time on meds that allow you freedom from anxiety and depression and times where you feel pretty good. THEN you will find joy in life and in other people. You'll rebuild your confidence in yourself and even in others. Your ego will grow again. You'll be healing! That is, if you invest the time to do so. The time and the money to do so. I sincerely hope you do. Take care.

  • I definitely feel the whole faking the wide smile thing. There are others around me who I have to be happy for. I am learning on my own that this will get better if you let it. Its gonna take time, and mabye the time we need. Well wishes :-)

  • You know what I say to you why don't you do a couple of weeks of bushcraft what you've learnt hire a cabin somewhere a one person cabin where you have to chop your own wood you have to find you on food and you after find your water and go on a survival for a month away from everyone and everything I've got Autism learning difficulties and chronic pain disorder had enough of my social workers and everybody telling me you can't do this I never thought I could fit in life I didn't understand adults people I couldn't understand about money what they needed from me what you didn't need from me so I did bush craft course for three weeks went away just plenty of places where they hire cabins for one person you can live off the land will you can forage then you find out what you really feel about yourself the people around you after two weeks of started missing home when I got back I cleared my head my depression went and I could see clearly what I needed in my life and what I could cut out and life wasn't about technology or money all the pressures of what people put on you one day I found out that life is about who was around me and what I needed was basic water food shelter and a bit of human company everything else didn't matter maybe this will work for you they are actual groups in the mental health sector that could help you achieve this obviously take your medication with you because it will help you know what to wake up every morning to know what you needed and to go out and get it and come back and not have to depend on other people and just depend on yourself I learnt more about what I could do rather than what I can't do you go on the Internet there's plenty and plenty of groups that help people with mental health that would suggest these sort of courses I hope this helps

  • I know just how you feel. I have two children and feel as if I've missed out on so much of their childhood. I've either been losing my mind, suffering from anxiety or waiting for it to strike. I feel terrible gilt about that and it quite often upsets me.

    I have no trust in myself or self confidence, that's been zapped away. I question everything I do or say and other people always seem to be so much happier and content than me.

    I wish it didn't have this effect, I guess it's a long process of retraining the brain. I not sure?

  • I feel that way about my son, he's 13 and I need go interact with him more. But I get so low that I cant pull myself out of it and I get irritated.

  • I'm sorry you feel so low that you can't interact with your son as much as you want to. You sound depressed. Will you take a few minutes to read my response below to another dad? The message is the same for you and he, so I won't be writing it 2 times. It applies to you and I hope you read it. You may feel better if you listen to it and do what I recommend. Take care!

  • What has the guilt motivated you to do with your 2 children? Anything? Keep spending time with them. And if you haven't, start now. That's my recommendation to you. And quit worrying and feeling guilt except as a motivator to go and spend quality time with your children. Drop the rest of your guilt and worry because it's not useful and it's harmful. I know it sounds easy, but it's not always easy is it? But practice makes it easier!

    You've described both depression and anxiety...both treatable. Have you seen a doctor yet? It's definitely time. You should see your GP and mention everything you've mentioned here. Give him/her a chance to rule out hypothyroidism and a vitamin deficiency or other problems. Then you may get a referral to a psychiatrist and a counselor or your GP may try to treat you himself. Come back here if you have any questions at that point or at any other time. We'll be happy to answer any of your questions as you go along!

    Please take good care of yourself! You can look for both Drs. and counselors on the Psychology Today website and see their philosophies, education, interests, charges, and insurance accepted. You can search for reviews from patients online at sites like Healthgrades.

    I started out feeling like a nervous wreck but after medicines and counseling I've been very functional for most of 29 years. And I know of plenty of people doing the same day in and out. Please don't feel guilty, just take the steps outlined here to feeling good again and you'll have nothing to feel guilty about. You'll gradually get your self-confidence and trust in yourself back! You really CAN get better! It really DOES take courage to reach over to your phone and make an appointment to see the doctor! I DO understand that. But the prize is you feeling great again! Being the dad you choose to be! C'mon, you can do this! Best wishes to you!

  • Loss of innocence, disillusionment, truncated smiles, distrustful of others joy, feeling disconnected from every part of life. It can be hellish. It can subdue us. It can make life tasteless, colorless. Its flattening, deafening.

    This is why I look for music. In my body, in my pulse, in the flowers. What else is there but the musicality of movement and constant change.

    Feeling the way you feel. Thank you for sharing

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