Beginning of a diary

[warsaw101]

For anyone who can see (I'm new to health locked so I'm not entirely sure how this works)

I'm hoping to create a diary, a memo of how I feel and symptoms.

I'll appreciate any help, any feedback because I'm so tired of dealing with this on my own.

For at least 6 years of my life I have suffered from what seems to be chronic depression that can last for weeks and fluttering depression that can just take hold whenever and change my mood when I least expect.

Writing this, I have anxiety. My hearts fluttering, my thoughts are racing and my stomach is doing flips.

I recently read a post about long term depression sufferers, it was something on the lines of "long term depression sufferers don't feel sad all the time, they feel a nothingness, an emptiness and numbness to everything.

It's the most relatable thing I've seen in a while.

[cat3]

Hi warsaw. What medication, if any, are you taking ?

[warsaw101 in reply to cat3]

Hi cat

I'm not taking anything.

I have thought for a long time I have maybe needed a doctors opinion. I've always put the idea off.

I would feel the need to do it all in secret too.

[cat3 in reply to warsaw101]

Well obviously everything you discuss with your GP is confidential. I kept my issues to myself for 20 years 'til a severe panic attack gave the game away.

If it's not too personal, can I ask why you feel the need to hide your problem from others ? For me it was to protect my children from feeling insecure as I was a lone parent.

[warsaw101 in reply to cat3]

My reason is quite the opposite, I want to keep this from my parents and family. I feel like I wouldn't get the support I needed. I've tried talking for a number of years to my mother but we all have a number of things to keep us busy, much bigger issues. I have a best friend, so I talk to her a lot. I really want to be brave.

[cpmydream in reply to warsaw101]

If you think not telling by someone you are being brave then you are so wrong!!

First you need to go to doc and get help from them!!

These type of problem are like vicious cycle and slowly you grow more impatient and your feeling of nothingness will increase if you do not talk out!!!

And if your family thinks that they have other important issues than they are also wrong!

Let me tell you that this problem are most easily cured when patient get help in initial stage!!

Try to talk out to them!!

Get help from doc!!

Join some support group!!

But just get it out!!

That is the best thing you can do!!

[warsaw101 in reply to cpmydream]

Oh I know it's not brave telling anyone, trust me I want too. I want to find the bravery to stop letting this take over me, to be my own person and help myself. It's taking the initial step. It's been this cycle for too many years.

[cpmydream in reply to warsaw101]

then just break the cycle

As they said

"Success is only achieved by coming out of your comfort zone!!",

Just try getting it out!!

You can have chat here also with anyone you can relate!!

People here will be helpful to you, just open up!!

[warsaw101 in reply to cpmydream]

thankyou

[cat3]

Go to your GP warsaw. Everything you discuss is totally confidential and I promise you there is a whole range of treatments available which can change your life.

A simple anti-depressant (which is what works for me) or talking therapy such as CBT could be the answer to a better quality of life.

You have to be the one to take control first of all. And that means choosing to work with professionals to find the treatment which works for you.

It isn't an issue which will resolve itself, and all this time you're suffering unnecessarily.

My best wishes, Cat x