Not doing so well....

I've given it a lot of though about leaving the site but today by goodness do I need it.

I've been not too bad anxiety wise, but today it all came crashing down...was late for work due to crappy trains being late, I had literally just sat down at my desk when boom...my heart stated fluttering, and not the usual 1 flutter and then it stops, this was a full on fluttering for about 20-30 seconds by which time I was on the floor in the middle of my work as I went so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out...first aiders were called and I managed to calm down and get my breath back.

I've just got myself into such a state as when I don't get palpitations for few days I start to pick up and feel better and more positive and then they happen again be I'm right back to where I was.

I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of rut and I genuinely can't see me getting out of it.

I'm still a bit wary bout posting on the site now as I don't know who's reading and what not but I'm in that place where I don't care I have to talk about how I'm feeling.

Xx

[Hidden]

Aw Ashley, Im sorry to hear this x I think personally we just start to feel better when the slightest thing can cause us to crash and burn x Its become very stressful on here and we are constantly in fear that we are being watched etc x adding to the panic so i am not surprised you are one edge x This with the addition of being late is all additional pressure x I think sometimes we need to take a step back from all and reconsider the direction we need to take xxx Sorry I cannot be more helpful but big hugs to you xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Donver.

You have been very helpful, just replying to me helped immensely.

I had both a good weekend and bad weekend....so I think that maybe didn't help either...think I was more embarrassed that I was on the floor in work with all these people round about me lol.

Thanks though xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Ashley,

Sorry to hear about you having a bad time. I had a good week last week then on Saturday was all stressed out and anxious, heart going the lot, so I know how you feel.

It is not nice when things are going well, then out of the blue we feel like this.

If I had the answer as to why I would let everyone know but I don't.

please don't leave this site as the there is true honest good people on here who want to help each other.

I felt the same as you about leaving. but I am staying as it has helped me loads and I hope I can help others knowing they are not alone.

gardener x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Gardner

I'm glad you know what I mean although I'm sorry your good week didn't last. Think it's the up and down feeling that drains me the most...I'm beginning to feel bipolar, when I have no palps am so happy to feel normal again and then when I get them I just want to shut myself away from the world. I hate being so up and down all the time.

I don't think I'll be leaving just yet... Thanks for replying xxx

[LadySaabra]

Hi Ashley

I'm not a big fan of palpatations either...it would be good to know they were coming rather than (examples) browsing the library with children - BAM or walking down the street - BAM...really do not like getting other people involved - feel so stupid...thankfully they don't last too long it's just the worry of where or when they'll strike - argh

hopefully you feel better now, just know how you feel - it is good to know others understand

xx sam

[Hidden in reply to LadySaabra]

Hi Lady

That's actually it...walking down the street and BAM....sitting at my desk in work and BAM.

I'm just getting sick of it now. I'm like everyone though, I just want to feel normal and not think I'm about to die every minute of the day.

Hopefully we all eventually turn corners.

Xxx

[bonnie1959]

Hi Ashley sorry here you have had a bad day. I no its no fun. But as you say you been a bit better. Do you think that maybe with being later for work stressed you . And that bought on the palps. I no its not always the case as they seem to do anytime. Mine start as soon as i get up and dont stop. They used to. I got afternoons free of em. But not now

They thumping away while i lay in sofa trying to get into the tele. See if you can pu t it down to a blip just a bad day . I hope you continue to move forward. You can do it ashley .

Ps glad you have stayed

Bonnie

Xx

[Hidden in reply to bonnie1959]

Hi Bonnie

Yeah I was stood at the train station for 2 hours in the rain waiting on a train and then I was running along the street to get to work...I felt really not well as I was getting into work...should have known something was brewing.

I need to learn to just not care...whatever happens happens.

Xxx

[mimii]

Hi Ashley glad your still here, sorry to hear you had a bad day, hope your feeling better and having a relaxing evening

Mimii xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

Hi Mimii

Yeah my night has been much better...I've had some me time and just lay on the couch all night lol. Sometimes you just need it. Fingers crossed for no palps tomorrow

Xxxx

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi Ashley,

I'm sorry about today. I hope you're feeling a better now.

I had a panic attack this time last week when the fireworks we're going off and we were walking back into my uni halls. I thought my legs were going to give way. Although it didn't last for long. But I was on the phone to my mum after asking her when could I come home and could she pick me up ASAP after my lecture on Fri. Well she replied saying she was disappointed that I wanted to go home so soon after getting back... But it's not that I don't like uni, it's that when I'm at home I don't have to pretend when I'm feeling anxious. I can just go and be alone.

Anyway. What I wanted to say to you was this. It does sound like you're getting better, if things have been going well the past couple of weeks, hold on to that. Remember, the road to recovery is never a smooth one. You're in the process of recovering, but not actually recovered, meaning that things can still set you off such as, Bonnie said, rushing into work. You had one set back but that's ok. During recovery it's normal to still get the symptoms of anxiety - of course it is - but if you look at the course of attacks the past couple of weeks and find that on the whole they are less than before, then it shows on the whole you have improved. If it helps, I always like to think of it as being like an aeroplane in the sky - you know the ones where the leave the puffs of smoke behind? The plan leaves a squiggly line in places because it's not always flying in a straight line. But it reaches it's destination.

You're doing really well and you're strong. Remember that.

Gentle (((hugs)))

wanderingwallflower xx

P.S. I know you were considering leaving the site earlier because of all the aggravation caused before. But I feel this site's got a really great vibe to it at the moment despite everything that's went on. We're all still here supporting each other and not letting the bullies win, I feel we've come out strong and I'm proud of all of us. Collectively and as individuals too.

[Hidden in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hi Fairy

I feel a lot better tonight, very tired though. That took it out of me today.

I'm trying for the life of me to hold on to any positives, when I'm really good I'm good but when I feel bad I almost give up and think what's the point.

I fear that's the rut I'm slipping into and I'm trying so hard to not let my head get that way.

I don't want to leave here...you guys on here give me that much needed positivity to get through the days. Something I'm missing from why why. But I've accepted she has moved on and hope she's well.

Xxx

[henige in reply to wallflower_fairy]

What a good, nice reply.

[initial]

Hello Ashley, we've not met before, but here ((((((Ashley)))))) have some 'mummy' cuddles for having a bad day. The good news is, you're still here Hooray. And the next good news is you've identified a trigger for your anxiety .... time!

I have to say I am verging on paranoid when it come to punctuality... and it's a trigger which sets off my anxiety. The bad news is, I haven't found a cure for it .... yet!

You're doing really well, and instead of seeing that as a major fall back to square one, look on it more as a hiccup in your continuing improvement

Chin up, (you've got tremendous support on here), brush yourself off (hey, looks do matter), and take a deep breath, and continue with your excellent progress ....

Love & Hugs x

[Hidden in reply to initial]

Hi Initial

Welcome and thanks for taking time to comment.

Yeah I should start to think about things that trigger it. But sometimes I can just be sitting and bam it happens, no trigger no nothing.

You are right though the support on here is second to none and I appreciate each and every member on here(apart from trolls)

Thanks you xxx

[initial in reply to Hidden]

Hi Ashley, thank you for your welcome It's horrid when anxiety hits you when you least expect it ... and I've always found, it's at the most inappropriate time too ... oh, bother. You just remember how well you are doing... and that this was just a blimp on the upward curve of wellness

Love & Hugs x

[jules2105]

Hi Ashley

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult timd with your anxiety, I'm not in a good place myself right now but wanted to reassure you that we are all here for you. Keep posting and we'll all get through the bad times together

Jules x

[Hidden in reply to jules2105]

Hey Jules

Thank you so much for finding this time to reply to me....I know you are having a rubbish time right now and I wish I could say words to make it better for you. Usually I'm told times a great healer, but keep using the site and I'm sure you will start to see things getting better.

Sending you big hugs xxx

[babyhippo67]

Sorry to hear bout your palps Ashley.

I ent through a real bad patch of palps and dizziness-lasted for couple of months a whhile ago,but I have stopped drinking caffeine and it has really helped.It was gradual at first but has really improved lately.

Hope this helps. xx