What are my problems worth...?

I have only just joined this site yesterday as I am a really shy person and haven't spoken to my family, friends or any specialists about how I am feeling or my depression/social anxiety so I thought an online site would be better to openly speak to others feeling the same. I just feel as though no-one will understand or just tell me to "get over it" as they don't understand how I am feeling within myself.

I keep everything bottled up inside which causes severe social anxiety even around close family members, I have even though of cutting myself or self harming to take the pain away that I feel inside so it prevents me from talking to anyone or opening up my feelings just to be made fun of, I haven't hurt myself but it is a constant reoccurrence in my mind.

I started a Saturday job the other week at a hairdressers as according to my mum it will "help my confidence." I had a major anxiety attack...my legs went queasy, I felt like I was going to vomit, experienced heart palpitations and got shakes in my hands. I felt as though my legs were going to break from under me and collapse, even though I go there regularly for my hair cutting, but I could help but presume the worst like what if they didn't like me, if I embarrassed myself by spilling something or tripping up...pathetic little things like that, I'm afraid everyone will think i' silly for thinking that, this is why I don't open up to anyone about my feelings. Even after my attack my mum thought it was "silly" of me to label it as anxiety. She seems to be in denial that I might actually have a mental illness...if she wont understand or accept the possibility then who will?

I hate speaking in front of anyone, even my mum, dad or close friends. I dread school, being surrounded by so many people, I stay up late so it feels as though tomorrow will never arrive. My friends say they feel the same but my problems run deep, I feel isolated like everyone stares at my like an outsider just looking in.

Self harm seems to be the only option...

Im afraid that if I go to the doctors my problems wil just be significant as I have not suffered emotional trauma, abuse or death within the family, I wont have a 'cause' of how i'm feeling.

I am constantly thinking subconsciously about what people are thinking about me or if people laugh in public if it is at my expense or if people are judging me when they stare at me, all my friends in school say "everyone gets depressed, everyone gets anxious its natural when approaching exams." This is true so I am reluctant to say anything as what makes my problems so significant? I just feel alone. Harming myself maybe the only way to escape the pain.

[Kimmieblue]

Elle

Please don't harm yourself sweetheart, it won't get you anywhere really. You need to speak with a professional.

You don't say your age or where you live but I'm assuming that, coming up for your exams you must be around 16 to 17 if you're in the UK.

Can you go online to MIND and see if there is a number you can call to speak with someone who can point you in the right direction to get help, it could be better than bottling things up and feeling so bad.

You must speak with someone, please don't leave it, you can get help.

Keep posting here too, there are people that give great advice.

All the best Elle.

X

[Hidden]

Hello

I am not sure how old you are but I agree please don't self harm it is not the answer to how you feel & I am so sorry you feel so bad you feel this could be a way to resolve how you feel but it won't it will be something else you them have to deal with

It sounds like your Mum either does not want to think her daughter could have anxiety maybe she thinks it is a phase you are going through which I know does not help you but when someone has not had anxiety even parents don't understand

I remember when I was younger my parents saying snap out of it or stop being silly , no help at all when you feel you are the only person in the world that feels as you do & you don't know how to cope

Your friends may have felt like you do but the difference is when you have anxiety where your friends get these feelings & thoughts they will be able to move on from them where when you have anxiety we tend to hold on to them but you do need to speak to someone , some kind of counselling may help & you can work through this but you do need to speak to your doctor , everything you say is confidential & I would make an appointment & tell them everything you have said in your post

One suggestion rather than self harming is put an elastic band around your wrist & flick that instead if you get the urge

Hope you make that appointment x

[stde]

I,m so glad you found this site.....here people will listen, and understand how you feel....so get it out!

Anxiety may be termed a mental illness, but given the correct treatment through, talking, understanding or even meds if required it can be a temporary condition.

Remember if you change the way you think by reading the right material, and mixing with good people you can change the person you feel you are. But it does not happen overnight....keep positive.x

[Lizbett]

Darlin' until you seek help, then your anxiety is NOT going anywhere. If anything, it WILL over time get worse. Cutting yourself will not help your anxiety. It will simply take you on a path that once started, will potentially be difficult to break. You do in fact have a "cause" for how your feeling and part of that cause is bottling things up.

If you can't actually speak to your Mum, then let her read your post. If she still refuses to take you seriously, then be proactive and take control of this situation yourself and find yourself a health-care professional who will not only listen to you, but will also help you get to the root of your anxiety. I don't care what anyone says: there is always a root cause and the sooner you openly start talking about it, the sooner you'll be able to get your anxiety and hence life, under control. Wouldn't that be GREAT!? PLEASE, NO CUTTING. EVER!

You have your whole life ahead of you, and what a wonderful life it could be. Therefore, be brave, take responsibility for your health because what you have can be treated. HOWEVER, health-wise, you cannot afford to not speak up. You MUST do that because as I said, this problem will not go away by itself. If anything, it'll only get worse over time and the next thing you know you'll have trouble leaving the house. Be brave and seek treatment because after all you have soooo very much to gain. I sincerely wish you the best!

[Wiggly_woo]

I feel the exact same way but it feels impossible to do anything about it no-one I know seems to take me seriously and my family keeps brushing my problems under the carpet . People on this site keep saying go to your gp but it's ridiculous to assume a 15yearold can stroll into a health centre and make a no-questions-asked appointment I understand how it feels to have no-one to turn to as I'm in the same place.