Who am I?....

[Wanna_be_free]

I'm doing much better, anxiety wise, I have been forcing myself to go out and work through the anxious feelings. My councilor and self talk has helped tremendously, so my next problem is, who am I?

My ex was so controlling, he made all my decisions for me, I relied 100% on him. Now I don't know who I am or what I like/dislike and find it hard to make new friends as I don't know what to talk about. Anyone have any suggestions?

[PetulaW]

Oh dear, that's rough. My ex husband was mentally and emotionally abusive so I understand the losing of oneself in a relationship. As I got older who I was changed so it was a real adventure. If I were you I would start with activities or situations that don't make you anxious or as anxious. Also don't put as much pressure on yourself to interact with people. Smile and look pleasant (expression wise) and people will approach you. Let them lead convo at first. If the friendship doesn't click then please don't beat yourself up about it. Probably wasn't meant to be anyway.

for instance, If you take a one - day at class and the person next to you starts to chat a lil them try to just follow their lead. Sometimes people just enjoy those who like to listen. If you think you'd like to talk to the person more try saying, "would you like to have coffee (ice cream, dessert. Whatever you like) with me after we're done here. I would love to chat some more."

Just suggestions of things I have tried. And if you just want to stay at home then don't feel bad about it. Enjoy the peace and rest and try again next time.

Take it easy.

[Hidden]

Hi,

That's rough but glad you r out of that situation.

As for discovering your likes and dislikes:

Try it at least once (be it clubbing, going to the bar, food, sports etc)

You think you kind of sort of like it try it again.

It's a slow way to get you to discover yourself.

Don't let friends influence your decision.

You have control of your own life enjoy it.

Talking to other people to strike up conversation, catch up on current events, see what shows are popular, read books, listen to the radio where the Djs talk, just to get what's going on with music,

Fake self confidence and people will be drawn to you and they'll start tge conversation.

Been there hunny all of this works just don't over think the simple things, and be you don't let your next partner try to change you, the minute you see something bad off of him end it

Take care

Yaz

[daisymay70]

Hi,what we are is something that we organize day by day even through struggling and battles.What we learn from our experiences is something important to build what we want or we like to be and it depends exclusively on us and our decisions.It`s difficult to start everything again when someone was controlling you in the past and now you have to rebuild the new you, but is a passage and it happens as a change, it takes time and effort, but shortly you will see some positive changes in your life,never stop believing in yourself.Best wishes

[Deecey]

Its so hard to get out of a relationship like that, believe me I know, it takes so much courage and strength but you did it...I like you searched for who I was, but in the end my good friend told me "see this as a positive opportunity to be anyone you like, discover who you are again, how exciting"...im not too sure how bad your anxiety is or what it limits you too but if you can get yourself out to a keep fit class, do some exercise, go to a college course, get yourself out just up your local town, sometimes you just have to force yourself out of your comfort zone and when you do the rewards are great, good luck in your venture Deex

[Wanna_be_free]

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies. My anxiety does tend to rule my life, outside of work.

While I'm at work, I try to block it out, yet I can't seem to block it outside of work :/

Also I make a lot of mistakes at work and am very forgetful i know I'm not a dumb person but I feel so stupid, I just get so nervous that I forget everything. I have always been very good at my jobs, quick thinking and independent but since the anxiety has taken over I just cannot seem to think for myself, it's frustrating and embarrassing..