Feeling really bad I lost my temper, but also feeling slightly better for it!! Feel like a horrible person!!

[LouisaSmudge]

Wow!! I erupted molten crazy on the world today!! I've had anger issues linked in with my anxiety and depression since I was a child, but it's been years since I lost my temper (apart from the odd family argument) however it's felt like it's been a long time coming!!

I've been living in London for the last few months. Thankfully, my working hours mean I don't have to deal with rush hour public transport, only occasionally. However, when I do, it makes me extremely angry!!!!

This morning I had missed 2 trains because they were all packed out, but was near the front of the queue for a 3rd train when a skinny blonde bint pushed in front of me, got on the train and took the last free space. I muttered under my breath what a horrible person she was, but that was that.

When I left the station there was a street preacher outside shouting hateful things in the name of God so I started shouting at him. He called me a Jezebel and I stormed back over to him and told him to f*** off (I am actually a Christian, but I despise these people. I felt stupid that my response wasn't a little more eloquent!!)

THEN... two women were walking along the pavement faffing about. As I was late for work because of a fore mentioned bint I stormed pass them saying "if you could walk a bit slower that would be absolutely great" I didn't mean to say it quite so loud, so they heard and started having a go at me, but rather than me say "oh look I'm sorry that was completely out of order" I just started shouting and swearing at them. They told me I should commit suicide and I was crazy. That was like a red rag to a bull. I went up in the face of one of them and told her she was a horrible person for saying that and I was trying to goad her to punch me. She wasn't taking the bait (good for her really and just as well!), so I stormed off telling her she should die as she was the problem and was a fat b***h. I can't believe how I behaved. As I say, I haven't been like that for a long time and not that bad!! What I feel bad about though is after all this happened, I felt really good and had a really positive day at work!!! That is completely messed up, right?!!! On reflection, I desperately wish I could say sorry to those women, but obviously I am never going to see them again and even if I did, I doubt an apology would be any good. As for the preacher... well I have asked God to forgive me and hope that He sorts the stupid idiot out!!!

[shadow45]

OK well.... that's an interesting post. Not 100% sure what to say other than It sounds like you needed to let of some steam.... Confronting people in the street came be problematic... as you never know who your dealing with... I do understand your frustration.... I would say the next time someone pushes in front of you at the train station That's the time to raise your voice... and let them know your not going to let that happen "Excuse me but I was here first" ....may be the way to go... But hey.... whatever works for you....steve

[LouisaSmudge]

I absolutely agree and I don't tend to make a habit of it! But yeah, I just didn't care what was likely to happen to me and that's partly what scared me a bit about myself being so reckless- they could have pulled out a knife or punched me. And would agree with being more assertive at the station!!

[Hidden]

HI Louisa x Im waving a white flag so I dont feel the wrath xx but could you maybe refrain from the swearing as its breaking the rules of the site x Otherwise I come in peace x Maybe the good rant you had today has been good for the system, it can be I find xx Donver

[LouisaSmudge]

Oooh sorry!! I'll asterisk!! Xx

[Hidden in reply to LouisaSmudge]

Aw thank you xx

[LouisaSmudge]

Done! Sorry! I even asterisk on fb even though I don't need to! (Although my mum tells me off if I don't!!!) Yeah, it was good to let off some steam, but don't want to make a habit of shouting at random people or getting in to scraps!! I need to find a more constructive outlet for my stress and anger. Any tips?

[Hidden in reply to LouisaSmudge]

ty xx Yes its a good habit to have covering the swearing you never know who reads it etc x Its always good to let off steam, granted maybe next time avoid the random people x Maybe some form of light boxing?? take it out on a punch bag can be therapeutic x Donver x

[LouisaSmudge]

Yeah I've heard that's really good- I might look in to classes when I'm settled back in Bristol xx

[hairyfairy]

I have to deal with irritating people, often when I`m out & about, & sometimes wish that I had the nerve to bawl out idiots who bump into me, & slow walkers who hold me up!