Wow!! I erupted molten crazy on the world today!! I've had anger issues linked in with my anxiety and depression since I was a child, but it's been years since I lost my temper (apart from the odd family argument) however it's felt like it's been a long time coming!!
I've been living in London for the last few months. Thankfully, my working hours mean I don't have to deal with rush hour public transport, only occasionally. However, when I do, it makes me extremely angry!!!!
This morning I had missed 2 trains because they were all packed out, but was near the front of the queue for a 3rd train when a skinny blonde bint pushed in front of me, got on the train and took the last free space. I muttered under my breath what a horrible person she was, but that was that.
When I left the station there was a street preacher outside shouting hateful things in the name of God so I started shouting at him. He called me a Jezebel and I stormed back over to him and told him to f*** off (I am actually a Christian, but I despise these people. I felt stupid that my response wasn't a little more eloquent!!)
THEN... two women were walking along the pavement faffing about. As I was late for work because of a fore mentioned bint I stormed pass them saying "if you could walk a bit slower that would be absolutely great" I didn't mean to say it quite so loud, so they heard and started having a go at me, but rather than me say "oh look I'm sorry that was completely out of order" I just started shouting and swearing at them. They told me I should commit suicide and I was crazy. That was like a red rag to a bull. I went up in the face of one of them and told her she was a horrible person for saying that and I was trying to goad her to punch me. She wasn't taking the bait (good for her really and just as well!), so I stormed off telling her she should die as she was the problem and was a fat b***h. I can't believe how I behaved. As I say, I haven't been like that for a long time and not that bad!! What I feel bad about though is after all this happened, I felt really good and had a really positive day at work!!! That is completely messed up, right?!!! On reflection, I desperately wish I could say sorry to those women, but obviously I am never going to see them again and even if I did, I doubt an apology would be any good. As for the preacher... well I have asked God to forgive me and hope that He sorts the stupid idiot out!!!