Depressed and anxious

[Butterfly77]

I feel horrible today I just can't get my self together. This guy I feel has ruined me I keep posting the same crap over and over I see my therapist and take medicine and I still can't break out of this depression, the guy has no one and I feel bad thst I left him, but as I said in prior posts he never wanted to kiss me please me it was all about him. And not for nothing but I blame myself for it, I gave everything in the beginning I listened to what he said I listened to him say the woman pleases the man ( now he will say he was joking) but 8 months he didn't do anything and sex was not frequent don't get me wrong I'm not a sex addict. But a relationship is give and take, I feel I gave too much, and my biggest fear now since I broke up with him is that if (when I'm better and get some shred of self esteem back) meet someone I will not put my foot down and give to much, I just can't take it he says things will be different but I will go to his place (I always go to him) bec he has a dog and doesn't want to leave the dog. And he tries to kiss me and I don't feel it, what's wrong with me? I'm sorry to say but if you are not a confident woman men walk all over you, I feel like giving up and just realizing I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. He hangs onto me bec he has no one no friends etc. He is not close with his family, he sees them everyday to drop his dog off so the dog is not alone. I'm so sick of living unhappily, why have I developed this type of living where I'm just not happy. Nothing's ever good enough, I can't be content with myself, I was supposed to visit my sister who lives and hour away and he has a problem with that, he says I'm too reliant on them, I don't get it. I am alone here where I live my family all live far. I need help,

[mimii]

Hi butterfly he does sound like a really pathetic excuse of a man and you deserve so much better, for now try to focus on yourself , regaining your self esteem and confidence, do things you enjoy doing, see your family as much as you like , do what YOU want to do its your life, surely it's better to be single and have some self worth than being with someone who makes you feel worthless and unvalued xx

[Butterfly77]

I can't let go I'll make plans to go to him and then I get anxious and cancel. I don't know what is wrong with me. It's driving me nuts I have a huge problem letting go

[mimii in reply to Butterfly77]

But ask yourself what is it that you're letting go of , make a list of all the pro's and cons of this relationship maybe if you see it written down, it might spell out loud and clear what is really best for you xx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Butterfly77]

It sounds like you are not confident in yourself and maybe don't cope very well yourself

. But IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. It isn't a weakness. You have some problems within yourself you need help with before you can move on. Believe me I know how hard that is as the help just doesn't seem to be there and you get pulled in so many directions .

I understand you remaining attached as you saw SOME security and care there. But it isn't enough ;you are selling yourself short . Having said that i have done that endlessly because of the TERROR of not being able to cope on my own.

The answer will come to you in due course; maybe this is what you have to keep on doing for the moment.

I think maybe you have what they call "attachment" problems; it isn't because you are a weak person but because the way you learned to attach is not healthy for you. All I can suggest is to get as much psychotherapy or counselling as you can read as much as you can about it

It is very painful for you; I am not dissimilar which is why I can write about it. The only way through is to try and strengthen your own personality be more self reliant and also rely on those who can help ; try and find some decent strong people you can talk to maybe through a Church group or a community group; someone who can parent you in way.

Try and stay away from these "hopeless" scenarios. You know what the situation is but of course it is better than nothing and the terror of being on your own.

It isn't easy and you may slip back many times. Try and be kind to yourself and realise all you want is love like everyone else but for some of us it is hard to find if we have never felt secure from our backgrounds. X