for the past few days I haven't even been able to take care of my cats needs I started to think that I should give her away... I haven't been eating and I'm down 40 pounds in three months.... I get sore hips from lying in bed now I have lost so much weight.... I cry all day long just wailing away.... Its a sick pathetic sound that I hate... like a beaten dog...... I went online to see what methods of suicide were the least painless..... Its always been an option in my head when things get really bad..... I think well at least I can take this way out... I`m so sorry... but I need to get this out......... please stop reading if this makes you anxious.... I just don't know what else to do right now ...Its a sickness I know..... but oh God I wish it would be over...... Ill have to try and get some meds and if I have to Ill ask for a disability interview with my shrink..... Its just too much now.... I did work the other day helping a friend with his Catering and I couldn't even do that...... He asked me to make a dressing and I couldn't remember how to do it and I broke down .....and had to tell him I was sick.... This is a small town and I don't want to get a reputation for being unstable.... But the truth is I am unstable...
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