A few eeks ago I found out about the Linden Method and after some emails from Charles Linden (you can sign up for those) decided to try it. I had no idea what to expect, as it wasn't told in the emails.
After paying I got internet access and found out about the diversion and the 9 Pillars. I was so scared, the website said you could do it as fast or as slow as you want, but if you implement the 9 Pillars, then you would have to do everything yourself. I was so stressed out. Then i found out that you can do it at your own pace. I called support and a lady there said that since I am living in a nursing home (psychiatric ward) for my anxiety, we would have to pace it more. I forgot to ask her name, and thought they would keep records, but that's not the case, so I couldn't talk to the sme lady anymore. I started reading the manual. It dawned on me how many fears I have and I was stressed out again. Also, finding a diversion that you become very passionate about is difficult. When i asked about the time you have to do things that do not fully engage your mind, I was told taht the kind of diversion they mean works on after you stopped doing it. How do you find soemthing like that? I was frantic. I wanted to get it right because I really believed in it. But you don't just find a new hobby, especially if you can;t go out.
So I started keeping myself busy and making little changes in my life (for example, I drink at my computer because I am often afraid of swallowing, but started doing this in the living room. I was then told that I shouldn;t do it for the sake of trying, but as I anted it for a reason. But in the book Charles speaks of facing your fears one by one.
I got so confused and thought that since I am living in a nursing hoem there won't be anyone to practice things with me (always understaffed). I kept going on in my head about finding the right diversion too.
I wasn;t anxious, just very upset and I think that made me forget my fear to some extend, but I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. Seeing my symptoms as just sensations did work, however, so that was positive about it. But I also have the obsessive thought/urge to bite my tongue and I can't see that as such.
My hobby is card making (yes, sounds dull, but then i;m not a spring chicken) and I couldn;t do that anymore because it didn't divert my mind and I kept worying about the Linden Method while doing it. so I knew it wasn't a good diversion. I tried keeping a diary, an activity Charles suggests in the audio about diversion, but was told this wasn't good, even if I just wrote about what I had done and not about how I felt. (??????)
Then I realised I had lost my hobby (the card making) and got so upset that I called my mother to pick me up so we could make cards together. I was so upset a nurse gave me extra medication. My parents live on the 6th floor of an appartment building and I;m afraid of elevators and heights, so it was way to big a step, but I was so upset. I din't dare to go with the elevator but we tried two floors and then accidentally (because someone had called the elevator there) ended up on the 7th floor. I panicked. Then we wnet to my brother's house and I was so upset I got angry with my sister in law.
I called support after I got home and they said I was in a crisis and maybe it was because I also have personality disorder (that might well be the case) and that I should get a refund. And that's it.
But I do want to get better and I am starting menopause and the last time it all got really bad was just after my menstruation stayed away for some time and that is also happening right now so I am afraid it will come back. And I do feel very anxious today. The alst days I just felt depressed and ashamed, because everyone says the Linden Method is simple. I am supposed to have an iq of 140, but I don't know how to implement it, even though I do understand how it is supposed to work.
I think I must be the only one who can't do it.
But I really want to get better