Insecurities :-(

This may sound crazy but I have the most amazing most attentive bloke in the world. Im so lucky I really couldn't ask for a more loving relationship. So why do I feel like he is going to run a million miles away from me? Mid anxiety attack im so irrational, thoughts n feeling rage through me and I don't know how to handle them. My greatest fear is losing him and not because of anything he has ever said or done but because of me and my feelings. Im convinced im going to push him away that hes going to get so frustrated with me he will walk. He has told me he won't but theres only so much tears n tantrums even he can take :'( im going out of my mind!!

15 Replies

  • Hi

    I am sorry you are going through this , I no how you feel I used to have the same thoughts & feelings & I do believe when we have anxiety it affects us in having no self worth & then we think all these things & do exactly what you describe in the way we react

    The way I got round this was someone said to me

    You can sit worrying for ever that he will leave & be miserable or you can enjoy what you have & be happy

    And what you are worrying about you may look back one day & regret all the time you wasted on something that never happened

    They also said ,if it did happen then he wasnt the person you thought he was anyway , so you wont have lost anything

    Well it wasnt easy but it made sense to me & I practiced this way of thinking & 21 years later he is still here , so I am glad I let go of this anxiety & fear even though it was hard work doing so , but it can be done

    Hope someone will have some more advise for you but it sounds like you have a lovely man there who is going no where because you are worth loving & he loves you , try & remember that to





  • Thankyou whywhy you are so right about the no self worth bit I do look at him and wonder why he is with me and why he loves me? Im not special am I? He tells me all the time im beautiful and that no one is more important to him than me. I really need to stop expecting the worst and enjoy our precious time. Just my mind has other ideas sometimes.

  • That's a lovely reply whywhy. I can't add to it. All the best with your lovely man.


  • Thankyou :-)

  • Hello

    I understand how your feeling, ive been like this with my partner and he has told me so many times he wont leave me and cares, but I do think, why would he stay when there is so much stress and im not exactly fun to be around all the time, but they care and love us for who we are.

    Anxiety will get better and all the other problems, we will live life not feeling like this all the time, I find when im having a hard day with it all my thoughts go out of control and I dwell on all these feelings, try not think about it and think about other things, if he wanted to leave he would leave, nothing or all of your worrying would stop that, although im sure it wont happen.

    I try focus on all the good things I can do and how I can make him happy, not focusing on the bad, even though I understand its hard, try do one thing a day that makes him really happy, it helps me so much, and because he loves you even you trying he will fully understand, how hard it is for you but how strong you are dealing with this problem everyday

    Sorry if im not much help, just try not be so hard on yourself, negative thoughts can spiral out of control on bad hours of the day, do something you enjoy, fun :-)

    Much Love


  • Thankyou for your reply. Our highs far outwiegh the lows. Our biggest problems is alot of people would love to see us fail but those haters are actually who make me stronger.weve had a rough week though. My cat went missing last week and still hasnt returned. Ive had to go for a scan to see if I have cancer and on top of that hes been made redundant. Oh and his ex causing grief. So its all built up n built up. When im having a bad day I will try pick fights I will pick up on things and turn it against him. He just sits there and listens to me rambling on even tho and I know non of it makes sense. He has accepted that its part of who I am and says that he there no matter what. ....hes yet to see my sleep walking episodes though so we will see how he reacts to that! :-)

  • Sorry your having a bad week I hope it improves for you soon, sorry to hear about your cat, that can be very upsetting, I hope he turns up very soon, ours does that sometimes he goes on an adventure and turns up days later, swear he got another home lol.

    I hope your scan went ok and results are good, that's enough to stress anyone, I had a lump on my chest and my worries spiraled.

    I pick fights with my partner and we row too much and I no its my fault, days later I feel awful and wonder why I got angry at the situation, he loves me though and however much I annoy him or hurt him he knows that ain't me in the argument and im nice when calm lol, I guess everyone has odd things about them, even without anxiety lol, use peoples stresses and lows to drive you to do good, otherwise negative really sets up camp !

    Take care of your self xxxxxx

  • I can't add to anything if this except I agree about if he does walk away from you he wasn't the right person for you.

    If he really loves you he will stick about, but as whywhy says, no point worrying yourself sick bout it. It's either going to happen or it won't. Try and keep positive :-)


  • Thankyou x

    Keep positive is my moto for the day. Wont have the enemy around today so I suspect today will be a better day anyway x

  • Elo,

    You've just described how I feel most of the time about my guy too. I feel that given half the chance, he'll leave me and run off with another female, have an affair, cheat on me, etc. And then my thoughts will take on a life of its own, and I'll work myself up into such a state that my stomach's all knots, I feel like puking, and I just sit frozen, helpless. Then I'll get mad at him, pick a fight, he'll avoid me, I'll get madder, and it just goes on and on.

    I think from what you've said, you too realise that if you continue this way, basically you're just going to create a self fulfilling prophesy wherein:

    1. Your fear and the irrational thoughts caused by that fear makes it seem as if the fears have come true;

    2. Because it seems true, you'll think it really is true, and you then act upon it like it is a fact;

    3. He'll be stuck, because how do you deal with a person who is convinced that something is the truth when it isn't;

    4. Because he doesn't know how to deal with it, he'll probably distance himself;

    5. When he distances himself, it sends your fear into overdrive;

    And the cycle just keeps repeating till it gets to the point he's hit his breaking point and he leaves, at which point your fears have indeed come true.

    What Whywhy said is true: "You can sit worrying for ever that he will leave & be miserable or you can enjoy what you have & be happy". If you pick the former, you've practically guaranteed his leaving, as nobody wants to be around a miserable person. At least if you pick the latter, you'll know if he still leaves, it's not you, its him. As my main fear is my guy cheating on me, I try to tell myself a variant of that: If he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat anyway, and nothing you do will change that. You can nag, harass, scold, stalk, whatever - if he wants to cheat, he's gonna find a way to do so, no matter what you do. So you might as well just accept the fact you can't control certain stuff in life, and go on living life. Being the best person you can be to your partner is the best insurance you have against them leaving. And if they still leave you/ cheat on you, well its better to find out now, before its too late, and you deserve better anyway.

    I know its easier said than done. Although I try to tell myself this, I don't always succeed, and sometimes I'll see or hear stuff which just makes the fear overtake me, and then well, I'll just go crazy. But we all gotta try, and hopefully as time goes by, it'll get easier.

    Best of luck with it. And we're all here to lend a listening ear whenever you feel yourself about to get overwhelmed.

  • I really do feel like im going crazy somedays. It's the age old story though tell someone they will do something often enough they will go ahead and do it. Which is why I need to stop acting like a petulant teenager and start accepting he loves me....I feel so undeserving of his love though which is an issue too....I will get there though. ...I hope xxx

    Thankyou x

  • I can't add anything to what the others have said, but here's a little idea...

    Write down how you feel about him and give it to him as a letter. Don't dwell too much on your insecurities but tell him how much he means to you and also say that if you're ever going through one of your difficult periods he should get out the letter and re-read it. Because it's the truth, your truth, written when you are feeling calm and rational and not stressy. :)

  • Thank you so much I may just do that x

  • hi, this anxiety is a horrible illness, it"s obvious he loves you to bits, he says you are beautiful., you are the most important person in the world to him ,he sounds a very special guy. xx

  • I dont see my anxiety as an illness because I know I'll never fully recover from it. Its horrible I couldnt agree more but its part if who I am so im kinda resided to th fact that I'll live with it. He is very special probably in moways than even I cld ever imagine. This is why I think I'll never be good enough for him. But he does love me I know that so I need to come up with some new coping strategies before I do end up pushing him away xx

    Thankyou for your response x

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