Im desperate to receive some help with my constant insecurities about my husband.If I hear him mention a female my mind goes into overdrive and feel consumed with thoughts of an inappropriate friendship happening.He tells me he loves me dearly and I believe him however he is a bit of a flirt and likes female attention and that is always playing in the back of my mind.I try to talk myself out of it to no avail and feel the need to check his phone,email etc it's like I'm trying really hard to pin something on him.When he has a few drinks he drops his guard and thats when I start seeing the side of him that worries me.Why can't I just be happy without looking for ways to sobotage my marriage?can anyone relate?

10 Replies

  • Hi. Erm, I don't think you are looking for ways to sabotage your marriage! You are clearly feeling a certain way because of the behaviour you have seen in your husband - which may (and hopefully) of course be very innocent.

    Marriage is a two way street and I think you need to speak frankly with your husband. Explain that you are having some difficulties with insecurity and it makes you sad and worried when you see him flirting with other women. If he has a problem with this, then his need to flirt is a higher priority than your mental well-being.

    I hope you are able to resolve the issue with him. Please talk to him rather than sit and worry :)

  • Thankyou so much for your reply.I have spoken to him about it and he has taken it on board,I still struggle with thoughts of him behaving differently when Im not around.I have just spent 3 wks in a rehab facility working on my anxiety and depression and am trying to put what I've learnt into practice.My mind just goes into overdrive and I allow myself to create scenarios that are just that-thoughts not facts.

    My ex husband had an affair and I know it has impacted on my relationships.He was the total opposite,never flirted didn't talk about women etc was my soulmate and I was shattered,how do I trust my present husband in light of what I view is sometimes inappropriate?

    I don't want to become so paranoid my husband will have to hide any dealings he has with females in case I lose the plot over the smallest things.

  • Hey there, yep I can relate to this with my partner. Went on for like 2 years n nearly pushed him away. It's like a thing where we're trying to protect ourselves. But in the wrong way. Message me anytime you like if u want to talk x

  • Its so true,sometimes I think it would be easier if I was alone.I get myself so worked up I feel sick.

    Its not right to hold someone ransom to my thoughts,and I always end up feeling guilty.

    I see other people laughing off their partners antics and enjoy their lives and I'm wasting so much time and energy on stuff that I create in my mind,so frustrating!

  • I feel like I'm sabotaging my marriage by constantly doubting him,checking his phone,internet history,Facebook account,he's not aware im doing that.I keep saying to myself I'm going to stop all that but if he happens to mention anything that in my mind is worth worrying about I start snooping all over again.

    Why cant I just be happy with myself so these insecurities stop rearing their ugly heads?

  • Capu - I did the same!!! But we got better after a while. Now I feel like the one pushing him away cuz I feel like I have to! Just so anxious I reckon it would be better single. I've tried dropping hints at him but he reckons he won't leave me. It's so hard. He doesn't get how my anxiety problems are going to make things hard in the long term

  • Are you pushing him away because you feel insecure?

  • Yea I do feel like that at times. And anxious for being away from my family :(

  • I went through something similar with my now deceased alcoholic husband. It all boils down to control and we cannot control another human being. They're going to do what they are going to do. I stopped going places with him,I knew I couldn't stop him drinking but figured I did not need to watch him do it. This letting go gave me a small measure of peace in my life. When he 'flirts',rise above his pitiful behavior,put a little smile on your beautiful face and love yourself .There is actually a very good book by Melannie Beaty called 'Learning To Let Go'. I would highly recommend it. xxxx Cat

  • I feel much the same as you except I do everything I can to avoid seeing his email or phone. I can't bare the thought of it and it makes me feel ill. Your husband sounds supportive and loving towards you. I really hope you feel better soon.❤️

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