Just foned me

[scoobyd]

My son has just knocked on a womans door asking her to let him phone me which she did he's not drunk but got nowhere to go he was crying hungry and cold I feel awful but said no he said well I will get arrested then coz I've nowhere to go so I feel I should of let him stay because now its raining if any thing happens its my fault

[Hidden]

Hi Scooby x Its awful and as a mother myself my heat strings are pulling the two ways here x See as I know the depths my sister goes to i would be questioning as to if this woman was in fact a mere good Samaritan or a friend of his he is using to get to you x My sister will ring from the random-est of phones with sob stories and yet for all you worry all night the next day they found somewhere to go and got drunk in the process x Tears are also easy to turn on, and he knows the way to his mums heart x If things happen it is not your fault, he has shown no reason for you to believe him and shows no signs of changing so why should you believe him x In time he will prove to you when he is ready for change xx Donna x

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

Thanks x

[Hidden]

That must have been one of the hardest things you have had to do & shows how strong deep down you must be

I can imagine your heart feeling torn & sometimes in drastic situations out of love we have to do these tough love things & thats what you have just given him tough love

If you had let him come round without help he will no doubt drink soon , it could have been from stealing from you tonight , you never no

This might help to give him the wake up call he needs to get him sober but by taking him in when the crap has hit the fan for him again just would enable him to carry on

I no you will feel awful , any mother would , but remember , to love your child can sometimes mean having to do the toughest things you ever have to do

Thinking about you

Love

whywhy

xxx

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

Thanks he wasn't lying because the woman phoned me after he had gone she sounded old an lived in a bungalow she offered him a drink and something to eat she was silly really opening the door he wouldn't of harmed her but still shouldn't do it he was crying and pleading I lied and said I was out which I'm not I wish I didn't now if he's cold and hungry he annoys me does all this gets in trouble all the time then expects every one to pick up the pieces its gone on too long he's in court in 2 weeks time so hopefully he wil get help his solicitor can't believe they let him out again now I'm sat here on pins worrying thanks for replying

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

I agree , not that its your son , but no one of any age should let a stranger in

Well he was offered food & if he refused it , sounds harsh but he cant be that hungry

He will find some where to sleep

Make sure every where is locked up & snuggle down , take your phone to bed with you , I no I have before it helps me feel secure

Two weeks isnt long & I hope he gets the help he needs , you for now have done all you can

Hope you get some sleep

xxx

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Please dont worry, easier said than done I know x We have kids we sign not just a 18 year contract to worry but a lifetime one x He is old enough to get himself into this trouble, he is old enough to except the responsibilities x He may yet come home, and this is where it is totally up to you if you choose to accept him in or not x We can advise but your his mum. He may be setting you for more disappointment though x if a drink is needed any length will be resorted to x I don't know how my sister has never been locked up yet x she has a criminal record like a roll of loo paper x yet they keep taking pity as she is a

drunk x Just remember like any addiction, we are temporary not ourselves, and when they day comes he is better he will know you did the best and the right thing for him as a mum x

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

I couldn't have him permanent at home because I have a young son he's 11 and I don't tell him what his brothers like it would of just been tonight and also he's got a criminal record as long too he never gets done just a slap on the wrist its madness every time he's been in troublke its because of drink he ruins every relationship he has through drinking being a mother is so hard you want to help but hate them at the same time for doing this to themselves I'm tired but won't sleep so I will say good bight and thanks for helping me and listening to me go on

[scoobyd]

Sorry about the spelling I'm on my phone and the screens cracked so I can't see proper

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Hey my spelling rubbish anyway so dont worry

xxx

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

If it was,nt for spell check Id be foreign x Try to sleep and tell yourself that its for his good and your other sons good x Its a negative influence on a 11 year old so you do right xx ready to listen any time xx

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

Thanks nite x

[Hidden]

Hi there Scoobyd,

Hope you had a decent night's sleep. I have just read your post this morning, and straight away it reminded me of my brother. He use to ring me up and turn up in all states down to drink.

I was the only one in the family in the end that use to take him in. But in the long run it did not help him or me. he use to steal from me and even once stole my car. So it got to the point where he was making me ill with worry as to what might happen to him.

I to had to make the decision to say no to him in the end, it was by no means easy and I felt guilty for a long while.

He did get help in the end from other places. he got his own flat and took responsabily for his life choices ie his drinking. This did not all happen over night and it took him a few court dates to get sorted.

Am glad to say I am now back in touch with him and his life has moved on for the better now.

So, well done to you for saying no, as there is you to think about as well as your other son.

Hope this has helped. Gardener x

[nanaber]

Said a little prayer for you and your son being a mother is the hardest thing on earth.

[scoobyd in reply to nanaber]

Thanks I didn't sleep much my daughter thinks I should have him but I have to many game consoles n things what are my sons and when he gets tempted to drink he could take them he had a nice house share he ruined that and theres only so much I can do I can't leave him in my house I'm doing a course all next week so he would be alone

[Blorengia]

Keep strong, scoobyd.

I've no first hand experience of the sort of problems you have with your son but I know that with these sort of issues the experts say that there's always a point where family members and friends have to stand firm to stop "enabling" the behaviour. Son has to hit rock bottom and realise that no one else is going to pick him up, he has to do it himself.

It's dead easy for me to say that glibly, isn't it? It must be hell to try and be hard and firm and not give in - It goes against all the maternal instincts, doesn't it? But you're right - you need to protect yourself from more pain and to keep younger son's life safe and stable.

Take care x

.

[scoobyd in reply to Blorengia]

Thanks he was in my garden when I got home he looks horrendous lost weight slept rough for day's he said so I'm letting him stay tonight I can't turn my back on him like you say nothing hurts more a mothers instinct is too strong and my little sons is still at his brothers I've took all the valuables to my friends so let's see how it goes he's had a bath and food. I know people are going to think I'm mad maybe I am but he's not drinking he's going to his cousin's tomorrow

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Hi Scooby x I don't think your mad, I think your a mum x who loves her son very much and is willing to do what she can to help him xx Its always easier when the shoe is on the other foot x take care and hope all goes well x

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

You are far from mad , you are a loving Mother & what ever you decide to do you have all our support

I hope everything goes well tonight

xxx

[Hidden]

I agree with whywhy, you are a mum at the end of the day and you only want what's best for your son. At the moment he needs a bath and food.

I think it is best you take it hour by hour and don't expect to much from either of you in what the future holds.

I wish you both a peaceful night and wish you both well for the future. gardener x

[scoobyd]

Aww thanks everyone he's ok as long as he doesn't drink he can't just stop drinking though because it's dangerous when you're an alcoholic the doctor told us I will keep you posted. If anything would of happened to him I'd have to live with that on my conscience.

[scoobyd in reply to scoobyd]

I feel dead edgy now and anxious because he's here is that awful ? He's ok only had one drink and food sorry to go on when u all have proiblems your selves I don't know why I'm worrying he's going tomorrow

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Hi

Of course you will feel edgy , it wouldnt be normal not to

There is history here that will be on your mind & you wont be able to let go just like that & especially under these circumstances

Tomorrow will be here soon & then you have done what you needed to do for him & you will be able to relax

Keep posting if you need to

xxx

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I'm just worriued he won't want to go he's asleep in bed I'm having my baby grandso over night tomorrow and if my big sons knows he's here he won't let baby stay he will go mad but its my life my house its all a mess wish it was sorted my oldest son is so sensible won't have nothing to do with him he's tried so many times its awful familes divided but I'd do the same for all my kids x

[scoobyd]

I know I won't give him money I don't have it any way x

[ilsonbunny]

Hi Scooby. My sisters. Grandson who has 4 kids became homeless and was not allowed to see his kids. Hwas a drug user and had a spell in prison . He went to London thinking this would change his life . His mum who is my nice would not take him in . Neither would anyone else. On October 4th just 4 week ago he was found dead aged 34. He has not been buried yet due to an inquest being held . Whatever we do in life is our choice and my nephew chose drugs. I feel for you and you must make your choices and stand by them x

[scoobyd]

Well my big son just phoned he won't let baby stay said I'm mad letting him stay so now I'm worried

U

[Hidden]

Hi Scooby x Its always the same I find you cannot win no matter what you do, your kids are putting you in a awful position of choosing between them all x Its hard with an addict as they will always choose the booze unless they get the correct help, can you not maybe get in touch with the social services to see if there is a drying out clinic he can go to?? With my sister we found no matter how hard, we had to opt her out of the family, she was never going to change and proves that to this day x x Do what you feel is right, but also bear in mind your other kids are bound to feel hurt as they see it as no matter what he doz you will stand by him over them x

[Hidden]

Hi Scooby

This is such a difficult situation you are in & as the Mum you are piggy in the middle

I can & I am sure you can see where your eldest son is coming from , as any parent you dont wont to leave your child where you no there is a chance someone could get drunk around them , so he is only doing what any parent would do & protecting his son by saying he doesnt want to leave him

Saying that I no this doesnt make it any easier for you as you love them all & want to keep everyone happy but on this occasion there is going to be someone that isnt & that sometimes happens

Only you can decide what you want to do & who you feel needs & deserves your help most at the moment & which ever that is try not to feel guilty , there is only one of you & we cant always make everyone happy , if we could we would

Sorry this might be no use for an answer but hope it helps to no we are here & care

Maybe you might start another post updating the situation as unless we see this in the news feed we can easily miss it , just a thought

xxx

[scoobyd]

Thanks he's not drinking while he's here only 2 cans so what do I do I can't throw him out in this weather I'm going to try get him in a hostel but I'm going there Monday so it's hard to fit everything in

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Well why he is sticking to your rules it would be very hard to ask him to leave , of course if he abuses them well that would be different , but he is not

I am sure if you stress he has no where to live , they will place him in a hostel , good luck , let us no how you go on

xxx

[scoobyd in reply to Hidden]

Will do I've just been googling homeless hostels its says you can go there just need two forms of id so he can try that. I don't need all this anxiety and stress. It's not fair