Morning all x

Good morning all x Dreaded holiday has arrived, I chickened out, feel so upset with myself, tests result delay has not helped. Now I face a week alone, And here I am already crying and sobbing because they have all left me, my biggest fear. Wish I could be braver but this new ha fear aint helping. xx May hide the rest of today x Donver

[Vanscotland]

Oo feel so sorry for you,as I know where you are coming from,aim sure when you get your results you will be fine,and being alone for a week won't help you,it makes it worse,when you get your results can't you go and join your family and try and relax ?xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

Hi Van x I have been told I may get the results today have to wait for doctor to ring but it could be anytime till 7pm x

I hate being alone, its awful but i cannot join the family as I don't go out x Plus they are 6 hours drive away x

I have loads of family in my town my sister lives 14 doors away!! but she never comes as she thinks im a big softie who needs to grow up x

Unfortunately its how it has to be x

[Vanscotland in reply to Hidden]

I know ,people don't understand how this illness affects you,I never tell anyone I have health anxiety as they judge you,think you are mad,but it is very real to us. Was in therapy for a year and it's the best thing I did ,she was great,and we discovered it had a lot to do with my childhood,not a good one,but I still have bad days,but more good now,I was like you started not to go out,scared in case someone spoke to me about being ill,or saw someone with no hair knowing they had cancer and I would have major panic attacks.Just try and think positive I know it's hard,can't you phone doctor for resulsts ats what I do? As long as you have good friends who understand you ,that will help a great deal ,xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

Hi van x I tell people i have anxiety Im not ashamed to hide it some have backed off some think im mad, i as past caring x the majority think im mad granted lol.

Mine is linked with my childhood, in ways i never imagined, its surprising how the little knocks can be the bigger deep impacts later in life.

I will try going out, what have i to lose, cannot stay in im going mad. Unfortunately friends are few and far between xx

[Vanscotland]

I know friends are not easy cos we tend to hide away ,but I must say my husband has been a tower of strength to me and he understands maybe not 100 per cent,and yes our childhood does affect us ,and as a result of therapy I decided to cut off contact with my mother,she is one of the reasons I'm like this,I do miss not having that bond but I have to think ot my well being ,it's been 2 years since we spoke ,and she doesn't seem bothered about it,she also stopped contact with my kids,not kids now ,adults,but as I see it it's her that's missing out,my father died 16 years ago he was an alcoholic ,so as you can guess I've been pretty f....d up,I'll have my fingers crossed for your results,I'm sure they will be fine,xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

ty x vanscotland x my hubby is great think we get t the point where we dont need friends as we have a best friend in them x

I dont have a lot to do with my mam as she only seemed to ring when she wanted to moan about stuff xx Ive never known my read dad so dont miss anything there, i do miss my nan n grandad they both died within year of each other just before i got like this \:. xx roll on results

[Vanscotland]

They say there's allways a trigger and your nan. And grandad passing sounds like yours,thank god for our hubby's lol ,let's know when you get your results xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

I know my trigger van x it was when my then 3 year old was ill and we where losing him only cure of what he had being bone marrow transplant x thank god he ok now, but following that was my nan n granda and my hubby got rheumatoid arthritis and my youngest type one diabetes xx fear of death or them leaving shut me down xx

[Vanscotland]

I can understand ,I lost my 7 year old nephew to cancer,and I was health anxious before that but not to the extent i was after,my brother in law phoned and told us to come in and say goodbye before he went on the morphine drip,but by the time we got in he was already on it,and no one warned us what he looked like,it was a huge shock,can't get that picture out of my head,if I had known don't think I would have went in,his skin was going black ,and you could see he was in pain,I would not wish that on my worst enemy,it must have been a worrying time for you,nothing like the fear of losing a child xx

[Hidden in reply to Vanscotland]

Aww Van i have just seen this, that's awful x My deepest sympathy s for you x Its hard cancer but at that age its just not right x i always feel why should the kids suffer as they have never done anything worthy of punishment x I can see how the images would stay in your head, its awful x luckily it was not cancer my son had more a genetic condition which meant at the first bacterial infection his body would shut down on him x I fear losing my children, as apart from my husband they are the only people in life I feel have ever loved me, and me them in return xx They are my world xx

[Mysteryreader]

Hi,

It must have been so hard to see your family go away and leave you on your own. Will you be able to talk to them each day? Just imagine all the wonderful stories they'll be able to tell you when they return and hopefully you'll all be able to celebrate your results with a little treat. Try and keep yourself busy which will make the time go quicker.

[Hidden in reply to Mysteryreader]

Hi Mystery x Its always the one one thing guaranteed to break my heat, watching those you love leave x Its ten thousand and 3 worries and what ifs, you fear that they will not be safe as im not there to watch them x but then i fear that i may leave them when they are gone x Its silly the things anxiety can make us feel. I am counting down the days till they return with stories of there adventures x Today has gone very fast x tomorrow i feel will drag as the clocks situ is a crapper xx