Waking up in fear

[BeagleHeart]

I wake up nearly every night in an anxious state of worry, it's as though I need to remain vigilant against a trespasser or burglar, though I haven't any legitimate reason for this to continue on. I try shifting my thoughts immediately and often verbally try to calm myself down but now I'm worried it's becoming a part of my sleep routine becuase I just can't seem to shake it. Any feedback would be great.

[Jobee59]

Have you had a recent event in your life like a close relative passing away or divorce or loss of a job or retirement or anything like that?

[Jobee59]

I’m sure you’re aware of the fighter flight like you’re on high alert all the time, that is a natural thing it won’t kill you sounds like you’re subconsciously, worried or waiting for the other shoe to drop or you know a fear of death or something like that I am going through that for 40 years now since my dad died that started happening to me. It gets better sometimes I don’t have any problems for months. But just relax try to relax it’s all you can really do him and see your daughter, and may be a psychologist. It does help honestly.

[BeagleHeart in reply to Jobee59]

Yeah my father passed away may 2023 while I was providing hospice care for him. Drug addicted sibling attempted to rob, extort, threaten, harrass, and when all that failed launched a smear campaign despite having received more than a fair share. I did what I could to defend against the b.s. but now I've been saddled with a lot of agitation on top of already existing trauma. I really need to let go of the fear of being attacked, burglarized, or having property damaged. (it's gone on since childhood). And let go of the illusion he created that insisted we were all family and in this all together. I just don't know how to quite yet, so here I am; complaining, I suppose.

[Jobee59]

it’s all right to get your feelings out and talk about it. We all go through a lot of tough, and if you traumatic childhood, I did as well. My parents were and they used to beat the hell out of each other since I was a newborn up until I left home. Then we were never really allowed to get around people. We were home and not allowed to go out very many places or have anybody over. I guess that’s a part of alcoholism. But it caused a lot of trauma. There was a lot of other things that in my life and you don’t really realize that trauma till you start getting older and you start wondering why you feel the way you do then or somebody dies like when my father died, I kind of woke me up to and I guess subconsciously I always on my dad being there because you know you could always run home to daddy. And when he passed away, kind of a part of me and the safety went with it. They should’ve let us go and get out there to where we experience things. So we could the fears. But we all live our stories believe but sounds like you’re flight and I know it’s really really hard and sometimes it’s even hard to understand when people just let go and relax, and roll with the punches or let life be life you know it’s everybody’s got an answer, but when it’s them like when it was me, it was 10 times harder to just let me just be just let go pretty hard thing to do but you’ll get there in you you’ll be fine you just got that defense up all the time by the sounds. But you’ll get through it. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward one day at a time

[BeagleHeart in reply to Jobee59]

Thanks. Yeah, one day at a time has kind of been my mantra since it all hit the fan. I grew up as a "latchkey kid", I never witnessed my parents being abusive towards one another, and being much older I am thankful for that, they divorced mid-childhood. Regrettably I never spoke of the abuse at the hands of my much older sibling, and as I got older it became more obvious what had happened to me becuase I'd been repressing it for twenty years. I continued not to discuss any of it with either parent by the time i understood it, by then they were old and becoming frail. I am very grateful for my father despite his flaws, and I was able to come to terms with my mother's condition in time before she passed 11 months prior to my father. I got to experience living with a single mother who hopped from one alcoholic to the next. Just before I became a teenager I ended up with my father and my sibling until I became an adult, once I was old enough and capable enough of defending myself, I split never wanting to be a burdened on my father like he was. Around 2019 I initially tried the "bigger man" approach and forgive but not forget, try to restart a relationship as adults who have wives, jobs. Etc. He was all on board until it truly mattered. Instead he immediately went to drugs and alcohol, I could forgive that if it we're not for trying to terrorize us as well. I can't seem to let it go even after almost two years of no contact. The anxiety, agitation, it's almost identical to how I felt up until I became a legal adult.

[Meds-and-some-hope]

I feel this sometimes. I believe (for me at least), that it is the constant fight or flight in the anxious brain. Fight or flight is just one of those things that is uncontrollable for me, the meds have helped though!