Help!...do i e mail or not? Frozen with anxiety! x

[looking-glass34]

Hi Guys can you help with some advice please?

I ve been given the e mail address of a thoroughly suitable man. Handsome, articulate, own business, right age, no children and its sent me into melt down. Hes a friend of a friend who thinks we ll get on well with each other.

Bearing in mind im trying to send an initial hello message to him im now paralysed with fear about how it might turn out. My main fear being what if he actually likes me and i have to alter my safe little world to accomodate him, or even worse what if he initially likes me then stops and does nt want to see me again. For one so sure that i want to meet someone i ve got a strange way of reacting when a potential comes along!

I know i sound absolutly nuts here but i just dont know what to do, its all very well being charming and funny over the laptop but the moment will inevitably arise where my anxiety rears its ugly head and i have a meltdown on him.

Looking Glass xxx

[KatyCee]

It's like reading myself think aloud! Firstly, take a few deep breaths and just remind yourself that, whatever you choose, the ball is totally in your court. Try not to feel any pressure or weight on you because you have complete control over whether contact is made or not. It's far worse when someone else makes the first move and you feel obligated to make a quick decision in response!

I understand exactly what you mean when you say that your main fear is him actually liking you. It's a thrill when the option comes up, but when that potential someone becomes a real person who could come into your life it can seem so daunting.

I think in this situation there are pros for your happiness and cons for your anxiety, so how about you make a list of reasons you want to chat to him and reasons why you think you should leave it?

If the list turns out that you want to make contact, then we'll all be here to support you through your anxieties about meeting him for the first time I understand it's so scary. I met my boyfriend by emailing him for a month first and then we met - I wanted to cry and run away when the day came but if I had I would never have been his girlfriend and had many happy times with him

Sending you big hugs,

Katy xx

[looking-glass34 in reply to KatyCee]

Hi Katy,

Thanks for your advice the list is a really good idea, i tend to forget that good times can be had with a boyfriend. Boyfriend = chronic anxiety= getting my heartbroken!

I ve got the weekend off so i think i ll sit myself down and do that...i ll let you know how i get on!

Hugs

Looking Glass xxx

[KatyCee in reply to looking-glass34]

Big hugs I hope it goes well, let me know! xxx

[Blorengia]

Your friend, the one who's told you about this man - does this friend know that you suffer from anxiety problems sometimes? Do you generally trust this friend's advice?

Assuming that your friend knows you well, and wants the best for you then it sounds like A Good Opportunity

Why not give the first 'hello' message a try with some light, friendly chatty words and then see what happens? Don't feel pushed along faster than you feel you can manage - You can always come back and let us know how you feel about it all and we can all give you the benefit of our combined wisdom.

Good luck!

[hamble99b]

could you meet up with a group of friends? it might be easier for you.