Why do i feel so anxious when i start a new relationship?

Hi all,

Does anybody else get consumed with negative thoughts about themselves and general anxiety when starting a new relationship?

I ve been alone for years as i have isolated myself without realising until its too late.I have few friends outside of work, i do have a fantastic sister though who has her own struggles so i dont want to talk to her about my problems incase it sparks off her depression again. I just wonderd if anyone could help me out.

I m desperatly lonely, though i wont admit that to anyone, my greatest wish is to meet someone and not be alone anymore. I ve recently met a man and this has sparked off a bad anxiety episode. He gave me his number, he s taken me out, he texts me regularly and yet im consumed with the thoughts that he s doing it as a joke and he does nt really like me. H e knows i get anxious, he noticed it despite my oscar worthy performance of being outgoing and confident.

I try really hard not to be needy and to act like a normal person was. H e had to cancel a date the other day and it instantly made my anxiety dissapear, it must be a see i told you so but to myself...why do i do that!

I just want to be able to relax and enjoy new things happening to me, im frightend, all the time im frightend of life and of being cast aside again. I seem to be disposable, i attract men who are looking for a port in a storm, i fix them up and they leave me. Can anyone help with some advice so i can break this habit, i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life and im all too aware that its something im doing that drives them away xx


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2 Replies

  • Hi

    I do feel this is not just a fear with have when suffering from anxiety , but one most people have when starting a new relationship

    Some of how you feel could be the fact that most of us , have very little self worth & therefore we struggle to understand why someone else would want or like us

    Relationships dont come with guarantees , would be handy if they did , so its always a chance we take , will it or wont it work

    Maybe , when you first meet someone , try not to read to much into it , take each date as it comes & enjoy it for what it is , if thats dinner or going for a drink , enjoy the company & if it develops into more later down the line , well thats good , if not you will have had a few nice nights out :-/

    Just because we suffer with anxiety , we are worth been loved as there are so many positives about us as well & try & start to believe thats what others see

    Its hard but if we can love ourselves & look in the mirror & say I am worth been loved & to be treated well , then we will attract the right kind of people , yes it takes some practice, but keep doing it , even when you dont feel or believe it & eventually you will :)




  • Hi there

    I cant really offer any words of wisdom on this cos I feel exactly the same, but I think whywhy has very eloquently stepped in with fab words of wisdom. Just wanted to say youre not alone and I feel exactly the same....

    Love Ker xx

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